A Deadly Choice
by Nidoking
Summary: A demon is kidnapping Ranma's fiancees one by one, while plots within plots conspire to prevent him from saving them. And in the end, he will have to choose whom he will marry... and the others will die.
1. Prologue

Ranma came to without even realizing it. He had no idea how long he had been unconscious, but he had been out for some time; that, at least, was certain. He remembered being taken prisoner, but he didn't know how he had come to be strapped to a wall. The last thing he could recall was a bright flash, and then... He tried to open his eyes to see where he was, but found that they were already open. Yet he saw nothing but total darkness. Could that flash have blinded him? The mere possibility drove him to panic, and he thrashed as best he could against his bonds. However, the metal straps refused to yield to his strength, remaining securely fastened about his ankles, his waist and wrists, and his neck. Not that he had much strength to offer, at the moment; he felt tired and weak, as if the energy had been drained from his body. He wouldn't put such an act past his captor, in any case.

'Akane, this is all your fault!' he thought bitterly. 'You're the one who trapped me in this freakish body, and then you sent that demon after me, when I was only trying to rescue you and the other girls!' He raised his head from the wall as best he could, relieving the pressure on his aching pigtail. 'I swear, when I finally find you... if you're not already dead, I'll kill you!'

"You're awake," a deep voice announced matter-of-factly from the darkness.

Ranma tried to reply, but the words refused to come out, and he merely grunted.

"Ranma Saotome, the time has come to make your choice."

Ranma cleared his parched throat. "What choice?" His voice sounded strangled, even though the band around his neck offered ample breathing room. He'd gotten used to his new voice in the few days since the final transformation, but it sounded more strained than ever.

"Akane," said the voice, seemingly unconcerned about Ranma's condition. Light flooded Ranma's vision, and he quickly shut his eyes, relieved that he had not in fact lost his sense of sight. He let his eyes adjust to the brightness before opening them again. The light source turned out, disappointingly enough, to be an ordinary ceiling lamp, hanging from some unseen point in the darkness. Yet Ranma's eyes were glued to the object it illuminated: a tall vertical table to which the unconscious Akane Tendo had been bound at the ankles, waist, and neck by large steel bands. Seeing her reminded Ranma of his burning for vengeance, but it quickly subsided as he realized that she had already received the same fate as he had, minus one Jusenkyo curse-based mishap. Actually, she had probably been through worse, judging from the condition of her clothes.

"Shampoo," continued the voice, as Ranma's mind continued to reflect on Akane's fate. A second light turned on to Akane's left, illuminating a second table - third, if he counted the one to which he assumed he was strapped - which held the Amazon prisoner. She, too, appeared to be unharmed, except for the spots of mud dotting her from head to toe and a few tears in her clothing.

"Ukyo," said the voice, and the third light shone down on the okonomiyaki chef, strapped to yet another table. Ranma's heart fluttered at the sight. Even though the revelation of Akane and Shampoo had assured him that Ukyo was safe, seeing her brought back the terror of three nights before, when she had been kidnapped. He'd never expected to see her again, but there she was... and aside from the mud and the fact that she was unconscious, she seemed to be in perfect health. And even before he saw her, he knew that the fourth victim would be just fine.

"Kodachi," finished the voice. The light came on as expected, but the predictable sight of Kodachi Kuno strapped to the fourth table still shocked Ranma. The leotard she wore had the same mud stains and tears as the other girls' clothes, but she seemed to be in worse shape than the others. Her feet, particularly, appeared to have been burned, and her face looked worn and haggard. Ranma couldn't imagine what had happened to her, though. Perhaps it was only the shadow cast by the bun of hair atop her head that made her face look darker than usual. Then again, she might not have been wearing makeup when she was taken from her bedroom in the middle of the night...

"Each of these women cares for you very deeply," the voice cut in. "Each one of them has called you her fiancé."

"So?" retorted Ranma, his voice a bit stronger than before.

"You also have feelings for each one of them, despite the way you act toward them. It is time for you to stop denying those feelings and decide which one you will wed."

"Is that what this is all about?" asked Ranma. "That's why you kidnapped me, and all of them?"

"Your philandering has caused a great deal of trouble for many people, Ranma Saotome. Because you do not take your engagements seriously, all four of these girls must suffer for their false hopes. And as they suffer, those close to them suffer as well."

"They'll suffer even more if I choose one of them," argued Ranma. "Then they won't even have their hopes. Just broken hearts."

"Their suffering will be brief," replied the voice. "I will make sure of that."

"What do you -" The loud whine of machinery starting up at the far end of the room cut Ranma off. It was followed by a low hum, like the sound of an elevator descending. Ranma leaned forward in his bonds, peering into the darkness, but he couldn't see anything. "What's that?"

The voice failed to answer, but Ranma's curiosity was sated anyway as four sharp points entered the cones of light above the heads of his fiancées. The thin shafts holding the spearheads descended until the spikes were barely touching the heads of the four girls. 

"What are those for?" asked Ranma.

"You have never taken the choice seriously," said the voice, with just a hint of anger. "Every time you are faced with the choice, you avoid it, knowing that you can change your mind at any time. Well, this time, the choice will be final. You will choose one of the four to become your true fiancée. That one will be released unharmed. And just to prevent you from going back on your word, the other three will die."

Ranma's entire body jerked involuntarily, arrested quickly by the metal straps. "You can't do that!" he protested. "It ain't fair!"

"You stringing them along isn't fair," countered the voice. "I am the one holding you prisoner. I have the privilege of deciding what is fair."

"Just you wait until I get out of these things!" shouted Ranma, straining against his bonds as if expecting his determination to break them. "I'm gonna make you pay!"

"You don't have the strength to break them," said the voice, clearly amused. "I made sure of that. Those straps are made of a material far stronger than anything humans can create, and I have the only key that can open them."

A plan began to form in Ranma's mind. If he could buy himself some time, he might be able to turn the situation to his advantage. He smirked. "You're going to keep me here until I choose, right? So, what if I don't choose? What are you gonna do then, huh?"

"You will choose," replied the voice. The tip of a spike pressed against Ranma's scalp. "You have five minutes. If you haven't made your decision by that time, then all four of them will die, and you will join them."

Ranma swallowed. Five minutes wasn't much time, and there wasn't much he could do while unable to move. No chance of escaping, then. He had to go along with his captor and make his choice. But how could he choose only one of them, knowing that the others would never smile again, never laugh, never try another crazy yet somehow sweet scheme to win his love...

Akane would seem to be the obvious choice. She'd never tried anything crazy to win his love, the way the others had. He had been living with her for nearly a year now, and cared about her more than he'd ever cared about anyone in his entire life. She had to care about him, too; she'd helped him out of dangerous situations many times before, often putting her own life at risk to do it. But after the events of the past few days, he doubted she'd ever want to talk to him again, let alone agree to marry him. Not only had they spent most of that time pissed off at each other, but to top it off, she'd found herself a new boyfriend. If Ranma chose her, she'd go right back to him anyway. Besides, wasn't this entire situation her fault? Hadn't Ranma just threatened to kill her if he ever saw her alive again? Sure, he didn't really MEAN it, but when three of them were going to die no matter what he did... could he let Akane be one of the ones to die?

And then there was Shampoo. Slightly bossy, very forward, and the in-laws would be no treat, not to mention the problem of her cursed form being the very creature he feared most. But it was Ranma's own fault she was engaged to him in the first place. He'd been the one who'd beaten her in combat, forcing her to marry him by her tribe's law. He wasn't quite sure of her real feelings for him, but she'd been there for him when he'd needed her, helping him search for a cure to his curse and protecting him somewhat from Cologne's more harmful schemes. He'd dragged her into his life, and she had fallen for him... could he really condemn her to death?

And what about Ukyo? She had been promised his hand in marriage long before he'd met any of the other girls, only to be left behind; and he could only imagine the suffering that had caused her. To drive her to dress as a boy, it must have been a scarring loss for her. Then she'd found him again, determined to make him suffer as she had... and instead, she too had fallen victim to his charm. Unlike the other girls, though, Ranma enjoyed being in Ukyo's company as a friend. Maybe that friendship would become love, given enough time together, free of the distraction of the other girls trying to tear him away from her. He could think of worse ways to live the rest of his days. And even ignoring the issue of marriage, there was still the question of whether he could leave her to die. He'd already lost her once, recently, and the despair had nearly torn him apart. Could he doom her again, this time to certain death?

And as for Kodachi... well, that narrowed the choices to three.

"Time is running out..." warned the voice. Ranma let his head hang. There was no way to make a decision like this. He cared too much about all of them to let any of them die. Each one had her own problems, true; but each one also had her own strengths, her own abilities, her own personality... her own life, in which he had no right to interfere... and yet he had, whether by his own choice or not, and now three of them would suffer for it. But which three? Nearly five minutes gone, and all he'd managed to do was think himself in a circle! He didn't have time to think any more! He had to make a decision... had to choose... had to watch three girls who loved him die because of that love...

What had he done to deserve this?

Ranma 1/2: A Deadly Choice

  



	2. 1: Ryoga's Special Delivery

Ranma 1/2: A Deadly Choice

Chapter 1: Ryoga's Special Delivery

The Nerima District of Tokyo was, for the most part, quiet that morning. Furinkan High School, a haven of craziness during its academic year, had closed for the winter, giving most of the students and teachers an excuse to lock themselves indoors, far away from the usual troubles that plagued the innocent citizens even during the break. However, one thing could be said in favor of the hectic lifestyle enjoyed (or detested) by many of the district's residents: life was never dull for very long.

And in fact, life was once again about to become quite troublesome for those select few who had the privilege of being in any way related to one very troubled, very skilled, and very unfortunate young martial artist named Ranma Saotome. The shouts emanating from the upstairs hallways of the Tendo home were merely an early warning of much greater events that were soon to unfold. To the residents of said home, however, they were simply part of the usual morning workout.

"Ryoga! What the heck do you think you're doing with those? If Akane finds out about -"

"RANMA! YOU PERVERT! I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD STOOP SO LOW!"

"Akane! I... Hey! Quit that, you dirty pig!"

Akane's subsequent enraged scream demonstrated to anyone within a fifty block radius why most Nerimans hadn't bothered to set their alarm clocks since Ranma and his father had arrived.

"Wait, I wasn't talkin' to you, Akane! I was talking to -" The house shook as Ranma fell abruptly silent. Downstairs, in the kitchen, Kasumi sighed. Most mornings, Ranma and Akane managed to get along at least until breakfast began. What could have happened this morning, she wondered, to set them at each other's throats on empty stomachs? At least, according to the sound of his voice, Ranma was still male, which gave the teakettle she was holding half a chance to make it to the breakfast table without being commandeered for a quick change of gender. She thanked the gods for small favors as she carried the serving tray into the dining room, where her father and middle sister, as well as Mr. Saotome, were patiently waiting to be served, ignoring the ongoing dispute upstairs.

As she neared the table, a small black pig leapt across the room in a single bound, nearly startling her into dropping her tray. Kasumi caught a glimpse of pink cloth as well as a familiar orange-yellow bandana as it passed in front of her face. Seconds later, Ranma followed it through the door, grabbing the teakettle from Kasumi as he passed. "I'm not taking the fall for you this time, pig!" shouted Ranma as he chased P-chan into the backyard.

Kasumi stared at the empty spot on her tray where the teakettle had sat. "How strange. I wonder why he needed hot water this morning."

Akane charged into the dining room, stopping only to grab the tray from Kasumi, consequently flinging its contents across the room. "Stop trying to blame P-chan for your perversion!" she yelled as she made her way into the backyard, swinging the tray menacingly.

"There goes yet another breakfast," said Nabiki from the far side of the room, where she had moved to escape the range of the flying food.

"It's nice to see the children getting along so well, isn't it, Saotome?" asked Soun.

[It's certainly quieter than usual,] agreed Genma, holding the sign in the hand that wasn't busy toweling the water from his fur with a napkin. Only one glass of water on the entire tray, and where did it end up? Naturally....

Kasumi smiled. "Oh well. Time to start making an early lunch, I suppose."

*************************************************

By the time Akane caught up with Ranma, several blocks from the Tendo Dojo, he had already beaten a dripping wet Ryoga half-senseless with an empty teakettle. "What are you doing to poor Ryoga?" she demanded, brandishing the serving tray threateningly.

Ranma's arm halted in mid-swing. "Poor Ryoga?" he asked. "This whole thing was his fault in the first place!"

"Oh, sure," said Akane. "First you blame P-chan, and now Ryoga! Why don't you just admit that you couldn't keep your hands to yourself?"

"At least ask him what he's got in his mouth," said Ranma, pointing to the offending article.

Ryoga's eyes popped open as he realized that the beating had stopped. "Rnnmm?" he asked around a mouthful of Akane's underwear. He slowly took in the entire scene, starting with Ranma and his teakettle, and ending with Akane and her tray. "Mm, hmm Mmkmnm," he greeted her. Then his brain caught up to his eyes, sending him into a panic. "MMKMMNM!" He quickly snatched the panties out of his mouth and hid them behind his back. "Akane!" he repeated, smiling pleasantly. "What a surprise! Imagine meeting you here, of all places!"

Akane's expression, on the other hand, was as unpleasant as could be. "What are you doing with my panties, Ryoga?" she demanded, veins bulging in her hands as her fingers began to gouge trenches in the serving tray. "And it had better be good!"

Ryoga brought his hand around to his front and stared at the panties. "Are these your panties?" he asked, grinning like a maniac. "How did those get there?"

"Try again," Akane spat through clenched teeth.

"Right." Ryoga cleared his throat and began anew. "It's like this, Akane. You see, the thing is..."

"Just tell her the truth already, Ryoga," Ranma interjected impatiently.

'Sure, just as soon as I come up with it!' thought Ryoga. Aloud, he launched into his excuse at full steam, acting out his heroic tale with flourishing dramatics. "I saw Happosai stealing your panties, so I crept up behind him and grabbed them out of his pack! Then I tried to sneak into your room to put them back without you noticing, because I'm so humble that I didn't want to be thanked, but Ranma..."

"Uh, Ryoga?" interrupted Ranma. "Maybe I'd better stop you before you get any farther from the truth. The freak left a week ago on what he called 'private business' and hasn't been seen since. In other words, no way your story is even remotely true."

Akane's already viselike grip on her tray tightened still further. She raised it over her head to strike. "I would never have suspected YOU of being a pervert, Ryoga..."

"Ranma made me do it!" Ryoga shouted frantically, raising his arms to ward off the blow. He held his breath in anticipation and silently prayed to the gods for mercy.

"Oh... is THAT the story?" asked Akane, shifting her grip on the tray slightly. She turned her angry glare on Ranma. "You being perverted is one thing, but dragging Ryoga into your sick plan?"

"Hey, now hold on just a minute!" protested Ranma. "You believe him now, even after all those obvious lies?"

"I know Ryoga's not a pervert," replied Akane. "You, on the other hand..."

"What makes you think I'd want your stupid underwear anyway?" asked Ranma. "You couldn't pay me to take those disgusting rags!"

"What did you say?" demanded Akane, raising the tray threateningly.

"Hey, calm down!" urged Ranma. He continued as calmly as he could manage. "All I said was I don't want your stinkin' panties. I'd probably get herpes or somethin' just from touchin' 'em."

"Why you..." Akane swung the tray like a golf club, smacking Ranma into the sky. "I HOPE YOU GET A REAL DISEASE AND DIE!" She took a deep breath and stood up. "Honestly, what is wrong with him today? You'd think he was filling in for Happosai or something!"

Once she had managed to calm down enough to think clearly, she realized that Ranma wasn't the only person who had left the scene. "Now where did Ryoga go?" she asked aloud. "Oh well. He's not the one I'm angry at anyway." Casting the now useless tray aside, she set off in the direction Ranma had flown, wondering if she'd bump into Ryoga on the way.

Behind a nearby wall, Ryoga sighed his relief as he wiped the sweat from his brow with a cloth that he happened to be holding. 'That was close!' he thought to himself. 'I feel kind of sorry for Ranma, taking the blame for something I did, but this is the only way to make my dreams come true!" His fist clenched around the slightly moist cloth as he toweled his face dry. His nose picked up a familiar odor from the fabric - the distinctive smell of... of... A stream of blood ran from his nose as he realized what he was using to swab his face. Panties... He had a meeting to get to! He quickly stood up, shook some of the sweat from the soiled undergarment, and ran at full speed away from the appointed place.

*************************************************

Shampoo hummed quietly to herself as she rode her bicycle down the busy street toward the Tendo Dojo. Today, she was certain, would be the day Ranma came to accept her as his bride! Her great-grandmother's latest plan was guaranteed to succeed, or at least her money would be returned if it failed. There was quite a bit to be done, of course, but none of it was very difficult. The first step, however, was the one Shampoo was most looking forward to.

"Airen!" she called out. "Shampoo come to take you on date!" Not a subtle technique by any means, but that was the idea. Shampoo would need an alibi, and the best way to get one was to attract plenty of attention. Of course, the date was a red herring, but nobody needed to know that. Shampoo would have to ask what fish had to do with dating Ranma when next she saw her great-grandmother, but at the moment she merely had to find him and set up the first stage of the plan.

Fortunately, fate decided to act in Shampoo's favor that day, as a screaming martial artist fell from the sky and landed right in front of her. She quickly squeezed the handbrakes and skidded to a rough stop. "Airen! Is you okay?"

"I will be when you get off of me," moaned Ranma from beneath her front tire.

Shampoo leapt off of the bike and threw it aside, forcing onlookers to dive out of its way, then knelt beside Ranma and cradled him in her arms. "Oh, Ranma! I so happy to see you! Now maybe you want go on date?"

"Huh? What date?" asked a very confused Ranma.

"We go on date together, yes?"

Ranma shook his head. "Not today, Shampoo. I already promised Ukyo I'd have lunch with her today to celebrate her grand opening."

Shampoo let go of Ranma, letting his head hit the street, and scowled. "Chef-girl restaurant already open! Why have grand opening?"

"She moved," replied Ranma, rubbing the back of his head. "Now that school's out, the restaurant's all she's got, so she set up shop where the old pizza place on Nanaban Street used to be so she can draw more customers."

Shampoo smiled. "Okay! Then you give Shampoo goodbye kiss, and we have date tomorrow!" Ranma cringed, backing away from her as quickly as he could. Shampoo reached out to grab his pant leg, holding him in place, and puckered up. "Give kiss, or Shampoo go to date with Ranma at new Ucchan restaurant!" She held her face right in front of Ranma's, her expression taking on a no-nonsense tone that warned Ranma that she wasn't joking.

Ranma began to sweat profusely. "Um, Shampoo... I don't really wanna..."

"You just want talk?" Shampoo giggled. "That okay too!"

"Huh?" Ranma tapped Shampoo's forehead with his knuckles. "You feelin' okay? You're not as bossy as you usually are."

"Spend time with airen all Shampoo want! Me so happy when we together!" She threw her arms around Ranma in a loving embrace. His words had hurt her a bit - Shampoo, bossy? Never! She just wanted what was best for her husband! - but she had a job to do, and nothing would dissuade her. The fact that she enjoyed what she was doing was simply a bonus.

"H-hey! Cut that out!" shouted Ranma, wriggling in Shampoo's arms. "I take it back! You're just as bossy as ever! Now let me go!" Shampoo instead squeezed him even tighter, crushing the air from his lungs. "Wait! I didn't mean it like that!" he gasped.

"Airen have to learn how to treat fiancée," said Shampoo disapprovingly.

"I got it!" croaked Ranma. "Really! Now let go!"

Shampoo released her grip enough to allow Ranma to breathe, but maintained enough of a hold to keep him in place. "If you sorry, then you give Shampoo kiss, yes?"

"No!" shouted Ranma, putting his hands on Shampoo's shoulders and pushing as hard as he could. Unfortunately, Shampoo had the advantage of leverage, and pulled him close again, sliding her hands up to the back of his head and pressing his lips to hers. If she had timed it right...

"RANMA! What do you think you're doing?" shouted Akane as she predictably chose that moment to enter visual range of the spectacle.

Shampoo broke the near-kiss and turned to Akane with malice in her eyes. "You not know kiss? It easy. You just put lips together like this." She kissed the now-delirious Ranma again. "Violent girl should try sometime. It fun. Right, Ranma?"

Akane's face passed through several shades of red, from embarrassed scarlet to an angry maroon, while she tried to beat Ranma into submission with her glare alone. When that didn't work, she stepped forward to put her fists to the same purpose. Before she could get them on Ranma, however, Shampoo stood up and interposed herself between the other two.

"You no hurt Ranma!" warned Shampoo. "Shampoo protect airen!"

Akane's rage immediately refocused on her new target. "It looked like you were doing a lot more than that a few seconds ago!" she spat, trying her best to remain civil.

"Of course!" said Shampoo, crossing her arms triumphantly. "Shampoo love Ranma! We marry very soon, and have many children for glory of Amazon tribe!"

"I don't care about your stupid tribe! Ranma is engaged to ME!"

"You not very good fiancée," Shampoo pointed out. "Fiancée not supposed to hurt so much."

"Well..." Akane's mouth tightened as she struggled for a comeback. "It's his fault! If he'd just mind his own business and keep his big mouth shut, I wouldn't have to hurt him!"

Shampoo shook her head disapprovingly and clicked her tongue. "You no understand... when airen make offend, you not supposed to hurt him. You supposed to set good example and be understanding fiancée. That way, airen learn lesson and no feel like is being punished."

"And since when have YOU set a good example?" asked Akane, painfully aware that she was fighting a losing battle.

Shampoo held up a finger. "How Shampoo teach airen lesson none of Akane business. You want marry Ranma, you make him love you, not hate you. Yes?"

"What's it to you?" demanded Akane before she realized what she was hearing. "And since when have you been the matchmaker for me and Ranma, anyway?"

"Shampoo not want see you hurt Ranma no more," replied Shampoo. "If it keep airen safe, Shampoo even help rival for love."

That only infuriated Akane further. "Well, maybe I don't need your help!" she shouted. "I can deal with Ranma on my own!"

"Okay," said Shampoo. "If that case, you deal with Ranma." She gestured benevolently toward the empty street where Ranma had been.

"Hey! Where did he go?" asked Akane.

"Maybe him scared, run away," replied Shampoo. "I no blame him. You scary when angry. What Ranma do make you so mad?"

Akane blushed. "It's none of your business," she said quietly.

Shampoo cocked her head to the side. "How you expect airen become good husband, if you no can talk about what he do wrong? Men stupid. Need woman help figure out how to act."

"Well, I think it's obvious that stealing panties is wrong!" shouted Akane. She immediately clapped her hands over her mouth, but the words were already out.

Shampoo's eyes widened at the fierceness of Akane's words. She blinked once, then again. "What is panties?" she finally asked.

Akane opened her mouth to reply, but a familiar voice tugged at her ear. "Excuse me," it asked one of the spectators. "Can you tell me the way to the Hen-Tie Theater?"

"Just go straight that way for thirteen blocks, then turn left," replied the helpful pedestrian. Seconds later, he continued, "Hey! That's not the way I was pointing!"

Akane turned around to see the flustered man trying to turn Ryoga around and get him started in the right direction. "Ryoga! There you are!" she called, waving to the lost boy.

Ryoga quickly hid his hands behind his back as Akane approached him. "Akane! Imagine meeting you here in Chiba!"

"We're still in Tokyo," Akane informed him.

Ryoga's eyes shot open. "Really?"

"Of course! There's Tokyo Tower, right over there," said Akane, pointing to the landmark clearly visible in the direction Ryoga had been heading.

"Well, what do you know?" Ryoga scratched his chin with the hand that wasn't hiding Akane's panties. "I thought that was the power plant!"

Shampoo growled. "You no ignore Shampoo! I not finished talking yet!"

"Is she bothering you, Akane?" asked Ryoga. He pulled a bandana from his forehead and spun it around rapidly before throwing it toward Shampoo. Shampoo easily dodged the flying cloth, which wove its way through the throng of people to slice through the utility pole behind her, sending the top half crashing down onto Shampoo's head.

"Were you looking for the old Hen-Tie Theater?" asked Akane. "That old place that used to show adult movies all night long?"

"No, no!" said Ryoga, shaking his head vigorously. "I was just walking, honest! I wasn't looking for Happosai at all!"

"Happosai?" asked Akane. "I didn't say -" Ryoga screamed and leapt onto a rooftop. Akane stared after him until the onlookers, deciding that the excitement was over, began to return to their daily routines. "I wonder why he was in such a hurry."

Shampoo groaned and pushed the fallen pole aside. "Stupid girl... You distract Shampoo!"

"It was your own fault," returned Akane. "You should have paid more attention."

"That Ryoga use dirty trick," said Shampoo. "He victory no count!"

"Victory?" asked Akane. "Oh, that's right! He beat you, didn't he? Now you have to marry him!"

Shampoo shook her head. "Ryoga run away after fight, no get kiss. That mean he no is airen."

Akane nodded, but the sorrow on Shampoo's face was obvious. "You still feel bad about losing, though, don't you?"

"Shampoo not need you sympathy," snapped the Amazon.

"Well, you gave me advice about Ranma," Akane pointed out. "I was just trying to return the favor."

Shampoo smiled at the mention of a favor. Oh, yes. There was a favor to be done, all right... "You want help Shampoo? Then help find Ranma."

"Why do you need my help?" asked Akane. "He usually just turns up wherever there's about to be trouble."

"Ranma upset because we fighting over him," replied Shampoo. "Maybe if he see both of us together, not fighting, he know we getting along and not run away again."

"You really think so?" Akane asked hopefully.

"Shampoo not look forward to work with you either," said Shampoo. "But if it what we need to do to get Ranma listen..."

"Right," said Akane. She held out her hand. Shampoo blinked in confusion, then held out her own hand. Akane grabbed it and shook it amicably. "We're a team, for now."

"We find Ranma!" said Shampoo, feigning excitement. She knew exactly where Ranma was, of course. The idea was to make sure Akane DIDN'T find him... until the right time.

*************************************************

Ukyo stopped by a now-vacant table to pick up the empty tray and pocket a very generous tip. 'Who would have imagined that the tips would get bigger along with the restaurant?' she asked herself. 'I've made almost as much in an hour as I used to in an entire day! And this was the lunch crowd!' She quickly ran the tray back to the kitchen, counting her expected profits. "... minus the increased rent, and extra ingredients... I'm still making plenty! All I need to do is find some help by the end of the winter, so I can keep up this pace through the school year..."

The bell on the front door rang as another customer entered the restaurant. "That might be Ranma!" Ukyo adjusted her apron, put on her warmest smile, and stepped out to greet the customer with a bow. "Welcome to Ucchan's grand opening!" she said. Then she straightened up and saw who she was greeting. Her smile vanished, and her eyes widened. "Akane! Shampoo! What are you two doing here?"

"We're looking for Ranma," replied Akane. "You haven't seen him, have you?"

Ukyo shook her head. "No, I haven't. He was supposed to come in for lunch half an hour ago, but he's late."

"You mean he skipped out on a date with you?" asked Akane.

"Yeah, I can't understand it myself. He was really looking forward to it, and so was I. It would be his first meal in my new restaurant..." She sighed. "So you two don't know where he is either?"

"We look everywhere," said Shampoo. "He not anywhere."

A family of four opened the door and stood patiently behind Akane and Shampoo. "Do you two want to sit down?" offered Ukyo, waving her arm toward an empty table. "You can wait here for Ranma honey if you want."

Akane and Shampoo took their seats and waited while Ukyo sat the family at a booth and took their order. "Do you think Ranma will show up here?" Akane asked while they waited for Ukyo to return.

"Ranma never miss date with Ukyo," replied Shampoo. "If he supposed to be here, something bad must happen to keep him away."

"You really think so?" Akane asked worriedly.

Shampoo nodded. "But if we no find him, nothing can do. Airen can take care of self. He be okay."

"If he's okay, why isn't he here?" asked Akane.

Shampoo winked at her. "Shampoo know airen good. He be okay."

Akane ignored her, deep in thought. "You know where we didn't check..." she said at last. "The Cat Café!"

"Why airen be there? Shampoo not there!"

Akane sighed. "I guess you might have a point..."

Ukyo pulled up a chair and sat down. "That should take care of the customers for a few minutes... So, what's up? What happened to Ranma honey?"

"We don't know," replied Akane. "One minute, Shampoo and I were arguing and Ranma was right there. The next minute, he was gone."

"Hmmmm..." Ukyo leaned on the table. "And you're sure you looked everywhere for him?"

"Well, almost everywhere," Akane confessed. "We didn't check -"

Before she could finish, the door burst open so forcefully that the bell didn't have a chance to ring, and Ranma stumbled into the restaurant. His clothes were torn in several places, blood staining the fabric at the tears, and his pigtail had come untied and dangled half-unwound down the back of his neck. He stopped to lean against the doorframe until he could muster the strength to push himself toward the nearest table, using the tabletop to hold himself up. Ukyo and Akane were at his sides before he could take another step, supporting him.

"Ranma honey!" shouted Ukyo. "What happened to you?"

"I don't know," replied Ranma, as the girls guided him toward the table where Shampoo was sitting. "I got away from Akane and Shampoo when they were arguing about something, and then headed straight for here. I can remember walking a few blocks, and then the next thing I know, I'm lying facedown in an alley somewhere with a pounding headache and barely enough energy to make it here."

"Were you mugged?" asked Akane.

"I don't remember," replied Ranma. Then he turned to look at Akane. "Akane? What the heck are you doing here?"

"Hey, I was worried about you!" said Akane indignantly.

"Oh, sorry," said Ranma.

Ukyo and Akane simultaneously froze, dropping Ranma onto the floor. Shampoo leapt out of her seat to cradle him once again, but the other two girls ignored her.

"Did he just apologize?" asked Ukyo.

"That's what it sounded like," said Akane. "But it couldn't have been sincere. Ranma usually says something like 'Why would I want a tomboy like you to worry about me?'"

"Why would I say that?" asked Ranma. "I was suspicious, but that was wrong of me. I can see that now. I just wanted to apologize for getting the wrong idea."

Ukyo knelt beside Ranma and placed a hand on his forehead. "Ranma honey... do you remember any aliens with probes or mind-altering drugs?"

Ranma shook his head. "Nothing. I was just walking along, on my way to lunch, and then I woke up and it was an hour later. I wouldn't even have known any time had passed, if I hadn't looked at a clock."

"He doesn't have a fever," Ukyo announced. "I think he's telling the truth."

"But what happen to him?" asked Shampoo. "Why can he no remember?"

"There's only one thing I can think of that erases memories," replied Akane. "Your special shampoo. Remember, the one you once used to make me forget about Ranma?"

"Yeah," said Ukyo, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "It sounds like something you might use to cover up some kind of scheme. Have you been brainwashing Ranma honey?"

"How Shampoo supposed do that?" Shampoo asked indignantly. "I with Akane whole time!"

"That's right," said Akane. "She couldn't have used her shampoo."

Ukyo stood up. "Well, I'm a businesswoman, not a detective, and I've got orders to take and food to deliver. I'll be right back." She took two steps toward a booth where hungry customers were waiting anxiously for her, then turned back. "Will you two get him into a chair already? Honestly, if you leave him on the floor like that, people will think it's got something to do with the food!"

Akane and Shampoo hoisted Ranma into a seat. "Thanks," said Ranma, as he leaned heavily on the back of the chair, his head hanging unsupported over the top. "Could one of you please get me something to drink? Maybe that will help me get my energy back..."

"He said please, and thank you," Akane noted. "I don't think he's ever done that before."

"Something different about Ranma," agreed Shampoo. She smiled. "Shampoo like!"

"Well, sure, it's a nice change," admitted Akane. "But how did it happen?"

Shampoo leaned her elbows on the table and thought. "Don't know. Why someone want to make Ranma polite?"

"Haven't you always wanted me to be more polite, Akane?" asked Ranma. "It just occurred to me that maybe the reason you never listen to me is that I never treat you the way you deserve to be treated. So, maybe if I'm more polite to you, you'll believe me when I try to explain that something isn't my fault."

Akane blinked in surprise. "When have I ever not listened to you?"

Shampoo cringed, anticipating a snide retort from Ranma followed by a beating from Akane, but Ranma simply said, "Never mind. What's happened in the past doesn't matter. We only have the future to worry about now. We need to learn to get along better. All of us, not just you and me."

Akane and Shampoo stared at him in shock. Ranma avoided their gazes, but whether that was because of embarrassment or his continued lack of energy was unclear. The air between the three barely stirred until Ukyo slid a family-sized okonomiyaki onto the table.

"What happened here?" she asked as she took her seat. "This table's as dead as the last guy who tried to hit on me in my old restaurant!"

"Ranma's acting really weird today," said Akane. "It's only gotten weirder since you left."

"What's so weird about wanting us to be better friends?" asked Ranma.

"We're already engaged!" Akane reminded him.

"You don't act like a fiancée," countered Ranma. "I realized that this morning, when you believed Ryoga's word over mine even after he'd already lied to you. You seem to think you can get away with anything where I'm concerned, and our engagement will always keep us together. Well, maybe it's time for a change."

Akane choked on her next breath. Ukyo had to pound her on the back before she could speak. "You're breaking the engagement?"

"Shampoo think it great idea!"

Akane glared at Shampoo. "YOU stay out of this."

Ranma shook his head. "Breaking the engagement wouldn't help matters at all, right now. All I'm saying is that we should take the arrangement into serious consideration. If you really want to be my fiancée, you should try to be a little bit more understanding of my situation. If not, then the engagement is only hurting both of us."

"I think he's got a point, Akane," said Ukyo. "You two really don't seem to get along very well..."

"Shut up!" snapped Akane. "I don't need your comments, Ukyo!"

"Akane know she wrong," said Shampoo. "She lose temper again. That prove she wrong."

"It does not! Ranma doesn't know what he's talking about!"

Ranma stood up, seemingly much stronger than he had been. "Next time you want to start a fight, Akane, think about what I said."

"Is you okay to walk around?" asked Shampoo.

"I'll be fine," replied Ranma. "I feel much better now." He turned and walked toward the front door without staggering at all.

"Wait, Ranma honey!" Ukyo called after him. "What about lunch?"

Ranma stopped. "I'd better not, today," he replied. "Akane needs some time to think, and I doubt she'd want me spending the afternoon alone with you."

"Shampoo here to keep eye on Ranma," said Shampoo.

"I'm sure Akane would love that," Ukyo said sarcastically.

Akane crossed her arms. "Do whatever you want, Ranma. I don't care."

"But I want you to care, Akane," said Ranma. Without another word, he swept out the door.

The three girls stared at the door as if expecting it to explain what they had just seen. The customers stared at the three girls, wondering what was going on. Akane in particular sat frozen, her arms still crossed even though her indignation was gone. "Ranma..." she whispered, as much fear as concern in her voice.

Ukyo put her hand on Akane's shoulder. "Don't worry about what he said. If Ranma honey hasn't been brainwashed, then every okonomiyaki I sell for the next week is free!"

"But who could have done it?" asked Akane. "If Shampoo isn't responsible..."

Ukyo turned to Shampoo. "Could your great-grandmother have done something to Ranma without you knowing about it?"

Shampoo shook her head. "Marry airen is Shampoo responsibility. Great-grandmother do nothing without Shampoo say so!"

"Are you sure?" asked Ukyo. "Maybe this time, she has some kind of plan that requires you to be out of the loop."

Shampoo examined her clothes. "Shampoo not wearing loop."

"Never mind the expression," said Ukyo. "Just go find out if Cologne had anything to do with Ranma honey's strange behavior!"

"Okay!" said Shampoo with a salute. "Shampoo find out if anything suspicious!" She leapt out of her chair and exited the restaurant at a run.

"Now, we can talk privately," said Ukyo, once Shampoo had left the building. "I don't care what Shampoo says; I don't trust her."

"Neither do I," agreed Akane. "But what should we do?"

Ukyo winked. "I think I have a plan. But it's going to take both of us to make it work."

"You want to work together with me?" Akane asked incredulously.

"If we want to save Ranma honey, we don't have a choice," replied Ukyo.

"Well... all right." Akane extended her hand, and the chef shook it. "Talk about déjà vu..."

Ukyo's face registered confusion, but she ignored the strange remark. "Anyway, here's my plan. I figure that Shampoo and Cologne must have picked today to do whatever they did to Ranma because they didn't want him to have lunch with me. So if I invite him to lunch tomorrow, they'll probably do it again. That's where you come in. You've got to watch Ranma honey like a hawk, especially when he's on his way to lunch. See if you can figure out what's going on, but try not to let them know that we're on to their plan. Once we get some dirt on Cologne, we'll figure out what to do from there."

"I think I can manage that," said Akane. "Should I tell Ranma what I'm doing?"

Ukyo shook her head. "You'd better not. If he's been brainwashed, who knows what kinds of thoughts are running through his head? He might have been programmed to warn them if he thinks we're on to their scheme or something."

"Excuse me, Miss Ucchan!" called a man from a nearby booth. "Can I get my check, please?"

"Coming right up!" Ukyo responded. She turned back to Akane. "Akane, I've got to get back to work. You'd better get out there and find Ranma honey, just in case something happens that we didn't expect."

Akane leapt to her feet. "Right. I'm on my way!" She quickly left the restaurant.

Ukyo looked unhappily at the uneaten okonomiyaki cooling on the table. "Well, gee. Try to do something nice, and look where it gets you." She picked off a piece of shrimp and swallowed it without chewing. "At least Ranma's not going to get any time off from Akane. By the time tomorrow's lunch comes around, he's probably going to be dying to get away from her, even for a couple of minutes. And that's when he'll come to sweet, loving, non-annoying me..."

*************************************************

Ryoga staggered into the small town along the sandy road, pushing his way past some very strange-looking animals that were corralled beside the street. He glanced up at the buildings, hoping to figure out where he was, but instead of writing, the signs featured long squiggles with dots. He wiped his brow once again with his handkerchief and cleared his throat to ask one of the locals for directions.

"Excuse me, but can you tell me what country this is?" he asked one of the men in a white robe and red checkered headdress. The man shook his head and said something in a language Ryoga had never heard before. However, Ryoga's travel experiences had allowed him to learn quite a bit about speech patterns, and he was able to quite accurately translate what the man had said: "I'm sorry, I don't understand."

Ryoga sighed. True, he'd found his way to one of the few places in the world he'd never been before, which was certainly an accomplishment; but he needed to find his way back! He needed to get to where he belonged! He needed... some expert advice. He quickly opened his pack and removed a well-read hardcover book, consulted the index, and found the page he wanted in only four tries.

"The most important element of a fulfilling life is a sense of direction," said the book. "Some feel that they do not possess this sense, but that is a common fallacy. Direction is not an idea that comes from the outside world, but from a particular state of mind. You must always keep your purpose in sight. When you know your true purpose, you will always have your sense of direction."

"My true purpose?" asked Ryoga. "What is that?" He wiped his brow again with the handkerchief. "Wait a second... I don't have a handkerchief!" His hand slowly slid down his face until he could see what he held. A pair of Akane's panties... "I remember!" he shouted to the uncomprehending citizens and the empty sky. "I remember what my true purpose is!" Setting that purpose squarely in his mind, Ryoga turned around and set an unerring course for the Nerima District of Tokyo. This time, he knew that he would find exactly what he was looking for.

*************************************************

Ranma ran through the conversation again in his mind as he strolled through the open-air market district of downtown Nerima. "I bet Akane's mad at me. What the heck was I thinking back there? 'I want you to care?' What's that supposed to mean, anyway? And why did I just walk away like that?" He slapped his forehead. "I'm probably going to get an earful when I get back. She'll probably say something like -"

"Ranma, darling! Where have you been, my love?" Ranma froze. That hadn't been Akane's voice... He turned around just as Kodachi Kuno leapt at him, grabbing him in a massive hug that pinned his arms to his sides and threw both of them to the ground.

Ranma immediately began to try to squirm his way out of her grip, but Kodachi's weight pressed him to the ground, canceling his leverage. "Kodachi! What the heck do you think you're doing?"

"I have to take what I want," replied Kodachi. "If you haven't learned by now the depth of my love for you, then I must be more forward in my pursuit of your heart."

Ranma paused in his escape attempt. "Where did you hear something crazy like that? Have you been listening to your brother's romantic drivel again?"

"My brother's heart is divided," replied Kodachi. "He does not know what he wants, so he can never have it. But my desires are clear! It is you I want, Ranma Saotome! You, and only you!"

Ranma took a deep breath. He wasn't sure where the words came from, but when he opened his mouth, there they were. "Kodachi, I'm really sorry, but I don't feel that way about you. My life is very complicated right now, and I really can't afford any more fiancées. I'm sure you'll find a nice guy to settle down with, but it just won't work between you and me."

Kodachi's surprise relaxed her grip enough to allow Ranma to free an arm. "What are you saying, darling?"

Ranma thought as quickly as he could, but whatever divine inspiration had struck before failed him this time. "I, uh..."

"Would you see me a maid in my old age, Ranma dear?" asked Kodachi. "I swore to myself that I would never marry another man, and I never break my word. I know very well of your troubled life, and it pains me to see those tacky girls squabbling over you day and night. I can do but one thing to ease your heart, Ranma - become your devoted fiancée!"

"Everyone wants to do that! Can't you understand? It's not going to work! Akane would never go for it, for one thing!"

"Who cares what anyone else thinks?" Kodachi spouted, more to the world in general than to Ranma specifically. "Our love need know no bounds!"

"I don't want it!" shouted Ranma, pushing on Kodachi's shoulder with his free hand in a vain attempt to extricate himself. "Let me go, Kodachi!"

A sharp wooden point pressed into the side of Ranma's neck. "Stay thy hand, vile fiend!" shouted the ever-poetic Tatewaki Kuno. "Even in public, you persist with your depravity! Unhand my sister, you befouler of all women!"

"I'd love to!" said Ranma, leaning back as Kodachi tried to kiss him. "Tell her to unhand me first!"

"Don't try to blame my sister for your perversion! I have dealt with your kind before, Ranma Saotome. So quick are you to bewitch innocent women, yet when called to account, always you try to escape from your fate!" He raised his bokken to the heavens. "No more! This day shall I end your lecherous ways! A duel, Ranma Saotome!"

"I don't have time to fight you!" groaned Ranma, as Kodachi's soft lips brushed his cheek. "I've got bigger problems to deal with right now! And if Akane sees this..."

"Forget about Akane, darling," Kodachi whispered into his ear. "I will not let her lay a finger upon you, no matter how great her jealousy over our love."

"Let go, Kodachi!" warned Ranma. "I don't want to have to hurt you!"

"That I cannot do enough to return your love is the only thing that wounds me!" said Kodachi.

Kuno looked down at the entangled pair. "Ah, I understand. In that case, so be it!" He grabbed a rose from a nearby vendor's stand, tossing a coin onto her counter, and flung the rose at Ranma, who plucked it out of the air. "Since your desire for my sister is so great, and you have in the past proven yourself worthy, I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall hereby give my consent for you to marry her."

"Isn't it wonderful, Ranma dear?" asked Kodachi. "We will be wed immediately!"

"I knew it!" shouted an all-too familiar voice. "I let you out of my sight for five minutes, and you're running off to get married!" Ranma threw the rose to the ground and peered over Kodachi's shoulder to assess his chances of talking his way out of the situation. Akane's enraged expression, tightened muscles, and clenched fists left him little hope. That little hope was summarily dashed to pieces when she continued her tirade, raising her voice on almost every other word. "Here YOU are, SNEAKING away from ME to be with SHAMPOO, UKYO, AND KODACHI, ALL in the SAME DAY, and you have the NERVE to tell ME to be a BETTER FIANCÉE?"

"Akane, I can explain!" Ranma protested, as Kodachi growled at Akane.

"Can you?" Akane asked with a leer.

Ranma quickly began to form an explanation that would be sure to patch things over with Akane, not even bothering to wonder where the ideas were coming from. However, while he was lost in thought, Kodachi grabbed the sides of his head and pulled him into a kiss. Ranma screamed and pushed himself away from her, planting a foot in her face in his haste to escape. Kodachi's arms relinquished their hold at last, setting Ranma free with enough momentum to send him flying backwards - right into Kuno.

The kendoist raised his bokken threateningly. "Do you dare to deny my sister, Saotome? Such a dishonor I cannot permit!"

Ranma tilted his head back until he was looking up into Kuno's face, then lowered it again to see the reactions of Kodachi and Akane. He quickly made a few mental calculations, glanced back at Kuno's face to fill in a couple of variables, and arrived at an answer that he liked. He bent his knees, cracked his knuckles, and launched the Saotome School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts Final Attack.

"Come back, you detestable dog!" shouted Kuno as Ranma pushed his way past and ran at full speed through the marketplace. "I have not yet begun to fight!"

"Ranma darling!" shouted Kodachi, tenderly fingering the sole print on her face. "Don't leave your wife waiting! Come back to me and let your sweet lips caress me once again!"

"You will not marry a cur such as that one, dear sister," Kuno informed her. "I will make certain of it, even if I must kill him to do so!"

"I won't let you harm a hair on his head!" returned Kodachi. She leapt to her feet and chased after her brother as he in turn pursued Ranma.

Akane started to join in the chase, but stopped before taking her first step. "Why should I try to help Ranma?" she asked aloud. "If he thinks he can get away with putting his hands all over every woman he meets, he deserves whatever he gets!" She turned around and stormed off for home, leaving a trail of angered steam in her wake.

*************************************************

"Why am I running away?" Ranma asked himself as he wove between the stalls, much to the relief of the stallkeepers - until their stalls were slashed to pieces seconds later as Kuno made his own shortcuts, steadily narrowing Ranma's lead. "I can take the Kunos easy! I oughtta just stop and pound some sense into both of them!" His mind made up, Ranma drew to a halt and turned to face his pursuers. They were nowhere in sight.

Suddenly, half of a fruit stand flew into the air from half a block back, and Ranma's blood froze. He turned and ran again. "What am I doing? What's wrong with me? Why don't I want to fight them?" The answer came to him almost immediately. "It wouldn't do any good to beat them up. They'll be back again tomorrow, just as clueless as ever. If only I could manage to talk some sense into them!"

His feet missed a step, and he tripped flat on his face. "Since when have I ever wanted to talk some sense into anybody?" He shook his head. "What's going on? Why can't I think straight?"

Angry shouts from behind as Kuno sliced his way through another stall brought Ranma back to the present, but it was a harsh whisper from a nearby alley that caught his ear. "Psst! Ranma, over here!" Ranma looked up, but could only see a hand holding a pitcher of water. He sighed and quickly ducked into the alley.

"Hello, Nabiki," he said without looking up. "How much?"

Nabiki shook her head sadly. "Oh, Ranma, Ranma, Ranma..." she said without emotion. "You wound me. Really."

"How much?" repeated Ranma.

"Don't know," replied Nabiki. "Let's check the weather, so to speak, shall we?" She stepped over to the mouth of the alley and glanced out. "Ooh, you've got both Kunos looking for you. This could qualify as an emergency situation. That means you get my special emergency rate."

Ranma fumbled for his wallet. "Great! That'll help the ol' budget. So, how much is the special rate?"

"Only ten thousand yen."

Ranma's jaw dropped. "Ten thousand yen? That's even more than you usually charge me!"

Nabiki shrugged. "Like I said, it's the emergency rate."

"This is extortion!" Ranma said as calmly as he could manage. "You can't keep overcharging me for such simple things as a pitcher of water!"

"If you don't want to pay it, you're welcome to find your own water," offered Nabiki.

"Fine, I will." Ranma thrust his wallet back into his pocket and stepped boldly out of the alley. Nabiki leaned against the wall and examined her fingernails, whistling her favorite commercial jingle. No sooner had she gotten to the product's name when Ranma darted back into the alley and thrust a pile of bills into her hand. "Okay, you win! Hurry up and splash me already!"

Nabiki smiled. "I thought you'd never ask." She upended the pitcher over Ranma's head. "Actually, I knew all along that you would. It was just a question of when."

"One of these days..." Ranma stewed as she shook the water from her hair.

"Hey, it's a simple matter of supply and demand."

Kuno rounded the corner and charged into the alley, followed closely by Kodachi. "I saw the cretin come this way!" shouted Kuno. "After him we must!" He stopped short as he saw who was waiting for him in the alley. "Pigtailed girl! My love! How thoughtful of you to wait for me! But tarry no longer, for I, Tatewaki Kuno, age seventeen, have arrived to sweep you off your feet -"

Ranma silenced him with a kick to the jaw. "I've heard just about enough out of you, lover boy."

Kodachi turned up her nose at Ranma before turning to Nabiki. "You! You're one of the Tendo girls, are you not?"

Nabiki stared levelly into Kodachi's eyes. "That depends."

Kodachi was not intimidated in the least. "Which way did my Ranma go?"

Nabiki rubbed her fingers together suggestively. "How much is it worth to you?" she asked.

"He jumped onto the roof," said Ranma, pointing the way with her thumb.

"Thanks for nothing," Nabiki said darkly.

Kodachi turned her cold stare on Ranma. "If I should find that you lied to me..." She instantly brightened as she athletically leapt onto the indicated rooftop. "Ranma darling! Here I come!" The sound of her cackling remained as she set off along Ranma's imagined course.

Kuno stared up after her. "It is my honor-sworn duty to crush Ranma Saotome beneath my sandal like the roach that he is. However..." He sheathed his bokken. "For the moment, I will forsake my honor, for it means nothing when compared to my love for thee, my fiery goddess." He knelt in front of Ranma and took her hand. "Pigtailed girl... the honor of dating with you is the only honor I require."

Ranma groaned. "Kuno... let me try to break this to you lightly..."

"This should be amusing," said Nabiki. "I wish I had my tape recorder."

A twisted grin crossed Ranma's face. 'Ten thousand yen, Nabiki?' she thought to herself. 'I warned you not to mess with me...' She pulled her hand away from Kuno and threw her arms around Nabiki's waist. "You see, Kuno, men just don't interest me. Isn't that right, Nabiki dear?"

"Hey! Cut that out!" shouted Nabiki, grabbing Ranma's hands in an attempt to pry herself from his grip.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Ranma whispered into her ear. Nabiki felt a delicate hand gripping her left breast in a way that suggested that the lightness of the touch was subject to change at any moment. "I know all sorts of ways to make a female body feel pain. If you don't want me to demonstrate, you'd better play along."

Nabiki swallowed hard. "You WILL pay me back someday, Ranma," she whispered back. Then, she turned to Kuno with a charming smile on her face. "She's telling the truth, Kuno baby. You wouldn't believe the things she tries to do to me when nobody's watching. And she hasn't looked at a man in years."

"You know, Kuno," Ranma put in, "your sister's kinda cute. How is she in bed?"

"B-b-bed?" stammered Kuno. "You're... you're a..."

Ranma nodded, batting her eyelashes in feigned shyness.

Kuno's face turned a bright red. "This is obviously the work of that sorcerer, Ranma Saotome!" he shouted angrily. "It is clear to these eyes that he has corrupted your sweet, tender, innocent emotions to prevent you from loving any other man!"

"Everything with you is Ranma, Ranma, Ranma, isn't it?" Ranma asked impatiently.

"Do not fear, my fair red-haired one!" Kuno assured her, ignoring the comment. "I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall confront the abomination and force him to relinquish his curse!" He drew his bokken and leapt to the rooftops in cold pursuit of Ranma.

"Well, that's over with," Ranma announced.

Nabiki breathed a deep sigh of relief. Something about it felt strange, but she couldn't quite identify what it was. Her chest felt heavy, and a bit numb... almost as if someone were... Oh, right. "Ranma," she said quietly yet maliciously. "Get your hand off of my breast. Now."

Ranma looked at the offending hand in disbelief, then quickly backed away. "What the heck was I -?" She couldn't even bring herself to finish the question.

"You were molesting me," Nabiki informed her. "I can't wait to tell Akane what you've been doing in your spare time. You know how she'll take it."

Nabiki's words carried the edge of a threat, but Ranma decided to call her bluff. "Sure. I bet it'll make an interesting story. Go tell all your friends how I accosted you in a deserted alley and had my way with you. I bet they'll respect you even more knowing that I got the better of you for once. Maybe they'll even think you enjoyed it. And you know how rumors get around..."

"Is that supposed to mean something?" asked Nabiki.

Ranma shrugged. "Do whatever you want. I don't care. But I'm considering this little incident payback for all the times you overcharged me. As far as I'm concerned, we're even, and this whole thing is our little secret." She mimed zipping her mouth shut.

"I don't do favors for free," Nabiki stated flatly.

Ranma's mouth curled into a cruel half-smile. She had one more trick to try. "You know... I never really noticed it before, but now that we've been this close, you are kinda cute. If you really want to drive me and Akane apart, I'm going to need a new fiancée in your family..."

Nabiki groaned and threw her hands up in defeat. "All right, I give up! You win. It's a secret."

"I knew you'd see it my way." But why not have a little more fun? "You know, I wasn't kidding when I said you were cute."

"Don't push me," warned Nabiki. "I'm letting you off easy this time. But you touch me once more as a girl, and I'll show you how much *I* know about causing a female body pain. And if you're a guy... I don't think I need to elaborate, do I?"

Ranma quickly shook her head and waved her hand innocently. "Nope! I get the message." She quickly made herself scarce before the shock of her actions could settle in Nabiki's mind. But Nabiki wasn't the only one surprised by what had just happened. Ranma had some thinking of her own to do. "What the heck was I doing? I've never touched a girl like that - not intentionally! I have enough trouble with girls as it is!" While she contemplated her unusual actions, another horrifying detail hit home. "Did I just outsmart Nabiki? I KNOW I've never done that before!" She wrung her hands gleefully. "Whatever's happened to me, it does have its advantages..."

Ranma didn't even realize that she'd completely zoned out until she smacked face first into the side of a stall. A few people turned to stare at her, but Ranma ignored them and kept walking. "I wonder what could be wrong with me. I've been doing weird stuff ever since I woke up in that alley..." She stopped and put her hand to her forehead. "Was Ukyo right? Did somebody mess with my brain? I don't FEEL any different... but I sure am acting strangely. I'd probably better try to figure out what's wrong." Her stomach rumbled, reminding her that she hadn't eaten lunch. "On second thought, I think I'd better just go straight home. I don't want to miss dinner."

Shampoo watched Ranma turn and head for home from her vantage point on the rooftops. "That work better than Shampoo expected. Maybe great-grandmother plan not so crazy after all." She winced as Ranma, still distracted by her thoughts, walked into another stall. "Maybe next plan to keep Ranma eyes in front."

*************************************************

Ryoga took one pained step after another, leaning heavily on the palm tree trunk that was serving as a walking stick, as he wound his way through the streets of Tokyo. "Why?" he wheezed. "Why can I never find what I'm looking for, even when I have my sense of direction?" He wiped his brow with the already sweat-covered panties in his hand. The other hand, he clenched into a fist and shook angrily at the sky. "What did I ever do to you? Is it really too much to ask that I could find my way, just once?"

He froze as he felt the alarmed stares of every man and woman on the street. Even the cars driving past had stopped. "What are you all staring at?" he shouted, waving the panties in as threatening a manner as it is possible to brandish a woman's undergarment. "Haven't you ever had to carry a pair of panties halfway around the world and back to keep your end of a bargain?" Ryoga's outburst failed to dispel the discomfiting stares. If anything, it drew even more. Ryoga turned the corner and ran to escape the unnerving attention, not stopping until he had left the crowd far behind. Once he was sure he was alone, he let himself slow down to a halt and leaned against a wall in the shade of a movie marquee to catch his breath.

"There you are!" cried an angry voice from the vicinity of Ryoga's knees. Ryoga jumped at the sound, but a downward glance told him that the tiny man sharing his shade was no threat. In fact, he was the one Ryoga had been searching for all along!

"Can this really be the place?" Ryoga asked. "Is this the Hen-Tie Theater?"

"Of course it is!" shouted Happosai. "Where did you think it would be? And what took you so long? I've been waiting for you for hours!"

"Don't get angry at me!" Ryoga shouted back. "I didn't TRY to get lost! It just happened!" 

Happosai glared and crossed his arms. "Did you at least bring what I asked you to?"

"Here, have fun." Ryoga threw the panties into Happosai's face. The old man snatched them out of the air and sniffed at them suspiciously.

"These panties stink of man sweat," said Happosai. "They're no good to me."

"Hey, we had a deal! I got you Akane's panties; now you tell me the secret!"

Happosai sighed. "Fine. But never ask me to do another favor for you again!" With a quick gesture, Happosai secreted the panties somewhere on his person and leapt up onto Ryoga's shoulder. He cupped his hand around Ryoga's ear and quietly whispered his most treasured secret. The corners of Ryoga's mouth curled slowly upwards as he listened, and his eyes began to water. By the time Happosai had finished, Ryoga was cackling softly to himself.

"At last..." he said, clenching his fists in front of his waist. "At last, my dreams will come true!" He ran for the Tendo Dojo, leaping for joy every other step.

Happosai shook his head sadly as Ryoga pranced out of sight. "Amateur... he's not ready for my secret. I just hope he doesn't get hurt too badly figuring that out. He had so much promise..."

  
  



	3. 2: The Massage of Newfound Love

Ranma 1/2: A Deadly Choice

Chapter 2: Naresome No Shiatsu: The Massage of Newfound Love

It was, for the most part, a quiet evening in the Nerima District, the Ranma-oriented action in the market district notwithstanding. However, not far from that location, the quiet took on an eerie air in a very dark room. The only light source for the gaunt figure within was the strange brew simmering within the large black cauldron in the center of the room. The glowing brew partially illuminated the figure's pale, withered face, leaving the rest in ghostly shadow that gave him quite a haggard appearance as he hunkered over the cauldron, stirring the concoction with a wooden spoon.

He stopped stirring just long enough to let the surface of the mixture settle, reflecting his face like a mirror. He cackled softly at the sight. "It's beautiful..." he whispered to himself. "Finally, I have the means to achieve my greatest dream! My patience has paid off at last, and now, this..." He raised the spoon from the cauldron and let the thin liquid slosh around in the shallow bowl. "My greatest recipe yet!" He lifted the bowl to his face and tilted the brew into his mouth, rolling it on his tongue before swallowing it. He breathed deeply through his nose, letting the brew slide down his throat, warming his entire body as it went. Finally, when the sensation ended, he smacked his lips decisively. "Needs more salt."

As he groped on the kitchen counter for the salt shaker, the overhead fluorescent light flickered to life. "Oh, good," said Hikaru Gosunkugi. "The generator's back on. I was worried I wouldn't be able to read my new book tonight." He let his eyes fall on the brown paper-wrapped package on the counter and sighed happily. "The book that will forever change my life is finally here... and the perfect dinner to celebrate the occasion!" He casually turned the salt shaker over the soup, so engrossed in his fantasy that he failed to see the top fall off, spilling the entire shakerful into the cauldron. "Just imagine, a dream come true for only three thousand yen, plus shipping and handling. What a bargain!" He eagerly spooned up another sip of the broth, wrinkling his face at the taste. "A bit too much salt, that..."

*************************************************

Ranma had spent the entire trip back to the Tendo Dojo deep in thought, but the events of the day were no clearer to her than they had been when she had first experienced them. "Okay," she said to herself, taking inventory once again. "First, Ryoga goes panty-snatching and lies about it to Akane, and she believes him over me - but that's nothing unusual. Then Shampoo tries to teach Akane how to be a better fiancée... and then I wake up in an alley, and since then, I've been acting weird myself!" She shook her head. "I'M not the one acting weird. Everyone else is just as weird as I am today." She snapped her fingers. "Maybe whatever happened to me also happened to Ryoga and Shampoo! But then they would have said something... or would they?"

She found herself at the gate. "Oh well. No sense trying to puzzle it out on an empty stomach. I hope Kasumi's cooking tonight. Knowing Akane, she might try to make me dinner as an apology or something..." She trotted up the walk and opened the front door, sniffing the air carefully. "That's Kasumi's cooking, all right," she decided. "The smell's not bad enough to make my eyes water."

The dining room door slid open, and Akane stepped out carrying a teakettle. "Welcome home, Ranma," she said coldly, handing over the kettle.

"Well, gee, what's with you?" asked Ranma, as she changed back to her male form.

"What do you think?" Akane shot back. "You were kissing Kodachi Kuno!"

"Well, she's the one who was doing the kissing! You know I have no interest in Kodachi! I was trying to get away from her the whole time!"

"Yeah, that's just what it looked like," retorted Akane. She opened her mouth to give Ranma a real piece of her mind... then froze. That HAD been what it looked like, hadn't it? She'd been pretty mad at the time, but looking back on the situation calmly, it had been Kodachi who initiated the kiss, and Ranma had been trying to escape. And yet Akane had spoken without thinking, and accused him of something that probably wasn't his fault... Was that what Ranma had been talking about in Ukyo's new restaurant? Never seeing his side of anything before starting fights?

Ranma waved his hand in front of her face. "You okay, Akane? This is the part where you yell at me and feel a lot better, remember?"

Akane stared at Ranma, stunned. He was totally serious! He actually thought yelling at him would make her feel better... and he was willing to take the abuse to get her out of her bad mood! The anger melted away, and Akane hung her head in shame. "Ranma, I'm sorry. I should have believed you before." There! A sincere apology, and she wasn't angry at all. Maybe this would patch things over with Ranma once and for all.

Ranma blinked in surprise. "Akane... you feeling okay? Don't tell me they got to you too."

"Who got to me?" asked Akane.

"Never mind," said Ranma. "So, what brought this on?"

"I've been thinking about what you said this afternoon..." she began, trying to arrange her thoughts before she spoke. "You said that I should try to see things from your point of view when I got angry instead of starting fights..."

"Yeah, that was pretty weird, wasn't it?" Ranma laughed aloud and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Imagine, you thinking things through instead of getting angry! Like THAT would ever happen!" He handed the teakettle back to Akane and doubled over with laughter. "That was a good one..."

Akane's jaw dropped. Here she was, trying to be polite, and Ranma thought it was a joke? His cruel laughter echoed in her ears until the anger she'd been suppressing abruptly burst all at once, and she slammed the teakettle onto Ranma's head. "You insensitive jerk! That's the last time I try to be nice to you!" Despite the ferocity of her outburst, Akane felt tears welling up in her eyes and quickly ran up the stairs to her room. Once she was wrapped in the privacy behind the closed door, she let herself cry freely.

"What did I do wrong this time?" she asked herself. "Every time I try to do something nice for Ranma, he twists it around and uses it to hurt me!"

"Maybe you're the one who reacts poorly to his kindness," countered a soft voice from the closet.

Akane quickly wiped her eyes dry. "Who's there?" she demanded.

"Don't be mad," replied the voice. "I thought this was the monorail station."

"Ryoga?" Akane opened the closet door to see the lost boy hiding behind the dresses. "What are you doing in there?" After a short pause, she added, "Wait, never mind."

"I'm sorry, Akane," said Ryoga. "I couldn't help hearing that you're having problems relating to Ranma."

"Do you know something about it?" Akane asked hopefully.

"I think it's a psychological problem," replied Ryoga. "I've heard that before Ranma and I showed up, the boys at Furinkan were always trying to bully you into going out with them."

"That's right," said Akane, brushing a stray droplet from her cheek.

"Well, perhaps that experience affected your emotions," diagnosed Ryoga. "Maybe, because all of your interactions with males were of a violent nature, that's the only way you know how to respond to Ranma's feelings for you."

Akane gasped. "No way! Do you really think that could be the problem?"

"It's a possibility," replied Ryoga. Actually, he'd made the entire story up with the help of some of those free pamphlets in the office of a friendly psychologist he'd stumbled across a few weeks before, but if it sounded plausible enough to Akane, who cared whether or not it was true?

Akane sat heavily on her bed. "What can I do, Ryoga? I want so badly to tell Ranma how I feel, but every time I get close to him... it's like I'm a completely different person! A person who can't stand to be around him..."

She drew in a sharp breath as Ryoga sat on the bed next to her and put his arm behind her back, resting his hand on her shoulder. "You need to loosen up, Akane. Think about something else for a while. Take a load off and relax."

"I -" She reached up and lifted his hand away. "I don't think I can just forget about it."

"I understand," Ryoga said considerately, turning his head away. "Then perhaps I can assist you."

"What do you mean?" asked Akane.

Ryoga flexed his fingers. "I happen to know a very relaxing form of massage therapy that I learned from an old master who used to live in the mountains. It'll help you get rid of some of your stress."

"Massage therapy...?" Akane looked down at her clothes. "But I'm wearing a dress!"

"A dress?" repeated Ryoga. "Why is that - oh, right. You need to take your shirt off for the massage..." He hastily stood up and walked to the door. "I'll step outside. Let me know when you're ready."

"Ryoga, wait!" called Akane. "I'm not... I mean, I don't really..."

"What's wrong, Akane?" Ryoga asked, while Akane was still hesitant to decline. "There's no reason to be ashamed. It'll be just like a massage parlor, except I won't charge you."

"I'm not embarrassed," said Akane. "It's just that... you and me, alone in the room..."

"You don't trust me," Ryoga said, making it sound more like a question.

"No, no!" Akane protested. "That's not it either!"

"Then... I don't understand." Ryoga forced a tear to his eye. "I want to do everything I can to help you feel better," he said, staring her in the eye. If there was one technique that never failed to win Akane over, it was appealing to her sympathy. 

"Well, I appreciate the thought..." Akane began.

"I just want you to relax, and you can't do that when you're so tense," Ryoga interrupted, going for the strong finish. "I always find that a massage helps me wind down after a difficult ordeal, don't you?" He placed his hand on Akane's shoulder and rubbed gently, stimulating the key pressure points that Happosai had shown him.

Akane raised her hand to push Ryoga's encroaching hand away, but the sensations in her shoulder were so warm and wonderful, instantly alleviating pains she hadn't even been aware of. She sighed euphorically. "That does feel good," she admitted. "I think you're right. A massage will help me relax."

"I'm glad I can help," said Ryoga, much relieved. "I'll just leave the room so you can strip down."

"Don't go anywhere," warned Akane. "Keep your hand on the door, got it?"

Ryoga nodded. "Don't worry. I don't plan to get lost right outside your bedroom door." He stepped out of the room and waited while Akane removed her dress. Even though he was unable to see, Ryoga felt the blood rushing to his nose and quickly clamped down on his thoughts. Just being in the same room as an unclothed girl whom he loved didn't make him a pervert...

"Okay, I'm ready," called Akane from within the bedroom. Ryoga slid the door open and stepped back into the room. Akane lay on her stomach on the bed with her eyes closed, her lower half covered with the blanket. Her dress and brassiere were on the floor beside the bed, leaving her torso completely bare.

Ryoga wiped the spot of blood from his upper lip, cracked his knuckles, then climbed onto the bed and straddled Akane's waist. "Just relax and breathe slowly," he advised her as he set to work. He began with a light, simple massage, working Akane's tense muscles with his fingertips and knuckles, trying not to pay too much attention to the feel of her naked flesh. Once she was relaxed enough, it would be time. Time for Happosai's special technique... the Naresome no Shiatsu.

*************************************************

A loud metallic clang resounded through the kitchen, distracting Kasumi from her cooking. She turned around to see a figure stumbling across the room with an inverted teakettle covering its head. As it took a step forward, the teakettle smacked into a wall, producing a clang identical to the first.

Kasumi sighed. "Oh, Ranma... whatever shall we do with you?" She put her utensils down and grabbed the teakettle in both hands. "How does she manage to make your entire head fit into the tiny opening on top of the kettle?"

"Lots of force," replied Ranma. "Strength only a tomboy could possess."

"She must have been very upset to manage it," observed Kasumi.

"As usual, Kasumi, you are the master of the understatement."

"You seem somewhat bitter," said Kasumi, concerned.

"I have a teakettle on my head. Of course I'm bitter!" Ranma lent his own strength to the effort to dislodge the teakettle, quickly removing it with a great deal of velocity. Both he and Kasumi flew to opposite ends of the kitchen from the force. Kasumi despondently set the misshapen kettle on the counter, shaking her head at it sadly.

"This erratic relationship simply isn't healthy for our cookware," she told Ranma. "The manufacturers have added a new clause to their warranties, voiding them if the object being covered comes within a hundred yards of this house."

Ranma wrung the last of the water from his pigtail. "Yeah, so? What do you want me to do about it? Impress them with my power of attorney?"

"Why don't you try being nicer to Akane?" suggested Kasumi.

"That jerk doesn't deserve 'nice'," said Ranma. "Every time I try to be nice to her, she turns it right around and throws it back in my face."

"Have you tried apologizing to her?" asked Kasumi.

Ranma snorted. "Yeah, just this afternoon. She thought I was sick." He shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe I am."

"When I saw her this afternoon, she seemed very concerned for you," Kasumi informed him. "She was worried because of something that happened to you earlier today."

"Her? Worried about me?" Ranma tossed his pigtail defiantly. "Nothin' doin'. If she's so concerned, why don't she tell me herself?"

"Because," said Nabiki from the kitchen doorway, "she's afraid of the rumors."

Ranma turned to face Nabiki, who ignored him in favor of the ice cream cone she was licking. "When did you get here?"

"Been here long enough to know what's going on," replied Nabiki, the words coming out perfectly clearly even as she continued licking.

"Oh dear," said Kasumi, picking up on Nabiki's true intent. "What sort of rumors?"

"Well," replied Nabiki, "there've been plenty of times when Akane beat up a boy and carried him to Doctor Tofu's to get treated. And every time, the kids at school would start a rumor that the two of them had done a lot more on their little excursion than just going to the doctor's."

"Then the students at Furinkan think Akane is a -"

Nabiki finally set the cone aside. "No, Kasumi. Most of them don't believe the rumors, most of the time. But with Ranma, there's at least some truth to the rumored relationship."

"Says who?" asked Ranma darkly.

"Well, you ARE engaged," Nabiki pointed out. "Of course, I'm pretty sure the rumor that Akane is two months pregnant with your child isn't ENTIRELY true..."

"WHAT WAS THAT?" shouted Ranma, nearly strangling Nabiki in rage.

She lightly pushed him away. "It's not as bad as the rumor that she's already had your child, and you sent it to an orphanage in Yokohama to keep it a secret." Nabiki took another lick of her ice cream. "I don't think anyone really believes that one, though," she speculated.

"Then what you're saying," observed Kasumi, "is that Akane's subconsciously afraid that if she starts to show genuine concern over Ranma, the rumors will become even worse!"

"Bingo," said Nabiki, returning her full concentration to her melting dessert.

"And since when have you cared about that?" asked Ranma.

"Rumors are bad for business," replied Nabiki. "The more people think they know the truth, the less they're willing to pay for it."

"Shoulda known it was all about money," said Ranma.

Kasumi put her hand on Ranma's shoulder. "Ranma, Akane is very upset right now, regardless of the rumors. Don't you think you should have a talk with her?"

"A talk?" Ranma asked skeptically. "I don't care how she's feeling; nothing I could say or do is gonna make her any less mad at me."

"Perhaps she does blame you," agreed Kasumi. "But a sincere apology would help to clear the air between you, don't you think?"

Nabiki nibbled at the cone. "I'd give it odds of fifty to one against."

Kasumi sighed. "Why don't you stay downstairs for a while and organize your thoughts?"

"Sure," Ranma conceded. "What have I got to lose?"

*************************************************

Ryoga continued to knead the sinews in Akane's back, feeling the muscles loosen beneath his fingertips as he worked. Akane's breathing grew slower and deeper as the calming massage took effect. "Oh, this is so good," she murmured. "It feels incredible."

"The best part is yet to come," Ryoga assured her. However, there was a precaution to take first. Continuing to rub Akane's neck with one hand, he deftly untied his bandana and secured it under his nose. What he was about to do would surely result in a nosebleed...

"You know, Ryoga," Akane mused as the rubdown continued, "there's something... different about you tonight."

Ryoga briefly paused in his work. "Hmm? How so?"

Akane breathed deeply and sighed. "Oh, I don't know. You're... like a whole different person tonight. A lot more confident, for one thing."

"It's probably just your nerves," Ryoga assured her. "When you're tense, things seem different."

"Oh," Akane parroted immediately. Actually, something about that statement seemed fishy to Akane. In fact, something was wrong with this whole situation. If only she could figure it out... but the massage felt so good that she couldn't bring herself to think about such stressful details. She slipped even further into the relaxing shiatsu-induced delirium and forgot all about her unease.

"That was a close one," Ryoga whispered, wiping sweat from his now bare forehead. Certain that the bandana was properly placed to soak up the impending flow, he returned both hands to Akane's shoulders, patting down her back. "How's that?" he asked. "Should I go a little lower?"

"Yes please," said Akane. "I really appreciate this, Ryoga."

"Sure, no problem." Ryoga let his hands travel down to her armpits, then to her sides, lightly rubbing her skin in small circles. "Just let me know when I hit the spot."

"You're going the wrong way," said Akane, pushing herself up from the pillow. "Don't tell me you're getting lost on -"

"Now's my chance!" whispered Ryoga. His fingers descended to Akane's now-exposed chest and poked into her ribcage just below the breasts.

Akane grunted. "Ryoga, that hurt!"

Ryoga leapt backwards, landing on the foot of the bed. "What? It was supposed to -"

Akane turned completely around, raising a fist to punch Ryoga. "What were you trying to do to -" Suddenly, her eyelids drooped, and she slumped forward in a daze.

Ryoga quickly caught her and held her up. "Akane! Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Akane lurched to life in his arms, her breathing fast and furious. She arched her back and threw her head back, emitting a quiet moan that reminded Ryoga of the few nights at home that his parents had both managed to find the bedroom. Ryoga found himself staring at her erect breasts and quickly turned his head away, feeling the first trickle of blood seeping into the bandana at his nose. He let go of Akane, but she leaned forward and threw her arms around him, squeezing with all of her might. Ryoga could feel her naked breasts pressing against his shirt, her heart beating so quickly that he began to worry that she was having a heart attack. Yet she was still breathing, fast and deep, like...

Her palms pressed against his ears, and she forcefully yet gently turned his head to face her. He opened his eyes in time to see the lustful look in her eyes before she pressed her soft lips to his in a passionate kiss. Then, one hand grabbed the back of his head, holding him in the kiss, while the other crept down his back, pulling upward on the fabric of his shirt as if trying to remove it. Ryoga's nose gushed blood, quickly saturating the bandana and dripping onto Akane's face.

'This is not good!' he thought to himself, fighting to remain conscious. 'This isn't what was supposed to happen!' He waved his arms frantically, but couldn't even try to free himself without risking hurting Akane. 'What am I going to do?' Then, it hit him. The release point! Happosai hadn't been sure exactly where it was, since he'd never bothered to use it; but he'd given Ryoga enough of an idea that, if he could get his hands into the right place, he should be able to break the mind controlling power of the Naresome no Shiatsu.

Unfortunately, getting to that spot might prove to be a problem...

*************************************************

Ranma clenched his fists, took a deep breath, pushed the door open, stepped into the room, and bowed his head. "Akane... I'm really sorry. I never thought about how tough I've made your life. I understand now that you're tough on me sometimes because you're concerned about me, and... I'm concerned about you too. I don't want you to get hurt, not just physically, but emotionally as well. But I don't want to alienate you either. So, just remember that, whatever happens, you're the one I - I always care about you, Akane. And no matter what I say or do, like calling you names and stuff... I don't mean none of it! I just... can't bring myself to say... that I... I..." He looked up to see his audience's reaction.

Kasumi applauded. "Bravo, Ranma! What a beautiful speech!"

"What do you know?" said Nabiki, somewhat impressed. "Maybe he poured it on a little thick at the end, but it just might be enough to get Akane out of her funk."

Ranma sighed. "When it's just practice, it's one thing. But when I actually try it on Akane..."

"Don't worry so much!" advised Kasumi. "I'm sure you'll do fine."

"You only rehearsed it thirty times," added Nabiki. "Even YOU can't screw up too badly with all of that practice." She paused to reconsider her last statement. "Why don't you think of it as Martial Arts Talk-Fu or something?"

"Martial Arts Talk-Fu?" repeated Ranma. "It's brilliant! Why didn't I ever think of it before?"

"I can't imagine," Nabiki replied flatly.

Ranma ignored her in his celebration. "If it's Martial Arts... I can do anything! Even... even apologize to Akane!"

"Whoo," said Nabiki with little enthusiasm. "You go, Martial Boy."

Ranma triumphantly stalked out of the kitchen and ran up the stairs to Akane's room. He threw the door open jubilantly. "Akane, I've got something to -" He froze as he saw what was going on in the room. Akane, naked except for a pair of panties, and Ryoga, his usual outfit complete with a bloody bandana tied under his nose, were sharing a passionate kiss on top of her bed. Ranma made a sick face, unwilling to look any closer but unable to stop himself. Yep, she was slipping him the tongue. And Ryoga's fingers were groping at her tiny breasts in a perverted frenzy, eagerly poking at every erogenous inch, while she tried to remove his shirt without breaking the kiss.

Ranma stormed into the room and grabbed Ryoga by the shoulders, resisting the urge to beat him to death where he sat. "What's the matter, Ryoga?" he asked sarcastically. "Her panties weren't enough for you?" He pulled Ryoga off of the bed and out of Akane's arms. As soon as Akane's grip was broken, she began to whine like a dog separated from its master. "Akane, what's wrong?" asked Ranma.

In response, Akane leapt off of the bed and bodily tore Ranma off of Ryoga, then proceeded to grab Ryoga in a bear hug once again, kissing him like there was no tomorrow. She wrapped her bare legs around his waist and clawed at the bottom of his shirt, tugging it out of his belt. Ryoga let out a single startled gasp before his hands darted right back to her chest and continued prodding away.

Ranma planted his elbow in the back of Ryoga's head. "Get your mitts off her, pig-boy!" he shouted.

Ryoga tore his face away from Akane's just long enough to blurt out "What do you think I'm trying to do?" before she pulled him back in.

"That does it!" shouted Ranma, putting his hands on Ryoga and Akane's foreheads to force them apart. Akane kicked him, sending him through the roof and into the Nerima sky.

Seizing the opportunity while Akane was distracted, Ryoga pushed Akane away from his body and jabbed his fingers into her cleavage in a last desperate attempt to find the release point for the Naresome no Shiatsu.

This time, it worked. As his finger poked into her chest, Akane gasped, heaving air in halting breaths as her heartbeat slowed to normal. Her arms drew even tighter around Ryoga's torso as she shivered in the sudden cold of her nakedness. Ryoga froze in shock, afraid to do anything for fear of upsetting Akane, but even more afraid to wait for her to figure out what was happening.

It seemed like hours before Akane could work up the nerve to look up and see who her arms were wrapped around. When her eyes met Ryoga's, she screamed and quickly thrust her palm into his chest, throwing him to the far end of the room. She covered her chest with her arms and backed away until her back hit the wall, drawing in breath for another scream.

Ryoga covered his face with his arms. "Please, stop screaming!" he begged. "I can explain!"

Akane's jaw worked up and down as she tried to form a question. "Wh... wha... what..."

"I, um... I..." Ryoga stammered. "Well, actually..." He uncovered his face, only to find himself staring at Akane again. He felt a fresh trickle of blood dripping into the bandana, but was too shocked to turn his eyes away. Akane leapt across the room and smacked him in the face, then quickly grabbed the blanket from her bed and wrapped it around herself.

"You were staring at me, you pervert!" accused Akane.

Ryoga rubbed the back of his head bashfully. "I should probably go," he said. He slid the door open and stepped through while Akane glared at him. As soon as he had shut it behind himself, he slid it open again. "This is the closet," he announced unnecessarily.

"Ryoga, what happened to me?" Akane finally asked, now that her brief loss of temper had driven the shock from her system. "The last thing I can remember is you giving me a massage. What happened after that?"

Ryoga's heart leapt into his throat. "You don't... remember anything... after that?"

Akane shook her head, her expression softening. "No. You were rubbing my shoulders, and then... we were on the floor, and you were holding me." She shuddered involuntarily.

"Well, I..." he stammered again. How could he explain his way out of this one? If Akane didn't remember, he could make up any excuse he wanted! So why the hell couldn't he think of anything?

"Ryoga..." Akane's voice took on a pleading tone. "Do you know what happened?"

Ryoga's mouth opened and closed several times before any words came out. When they did, they were as much a surprise to Ryoga as they were to Akane. "No... I, uh, don't remember a thing either!"

"Oh." Akane deflated. "Then I guess there's no way to know."

"Yeah, what a shame," said Ryoga, although the tone in his voice would have worked better with the sentence that was on his mind: "I'm glad THAT'S over with!"

"It's just like what happened to Ranma..." Akane mused. "First Ranma, and now us... everyone's memories are being erased! But why...?"

Ryoga's entire body tensed up. Ranma! He'd seen what had happened... who knew what he was thinking?! By now, he was probably already planning Ryoga's demise... "Um, Akane, I think I should go see what I can find out about these strange events," Ryoga said nervously.

Akane nodded, too distracted by her thoughts to pay much attention to Ryoga. "That's a good idea, Ryoga. And if you see Ranma... don't tell him what happened. It'll just make him worry."

"Of course not," Ryoga assured her, although 'worry' was hardly the word for how the truth would affect Ranma. "I won't breathe a word of this to him." He gracefully bowed and swept out the door, shutting it behind himself.

"You're in the closet again," Akane informed him.

"I knew that," replied Ryoga, making his way to the correct door and letting himself out.

Once he was gone, Akane dressed herself and went to close the closet, but a strange book on the closet floor caught her eye. "What's this book doing here?" she asked, picking it up. "Did Ryoga leave it here? Or maybe... it has something to do with what just happened to us?"

She read the book's title, then turned it over to read the back cover, scratching her head. "'Change your life for the better today. Get everything you ever dreamed of, and more, or your money back?' This must be Ryoga's. I don't think it would explain why we lost our memories, anyway. But why would Ryoga be reading this?" Suddenly curious, she sat down at her desk, opened to a random page, and began to read the strange book with interest. If it did even half of what it claimed to do, it certainly was a life-changing book.

*************************************************

"Aah, that was good," said Hikaru Gosunkugi, patting his stomach contentedly. "Success always seems to make me hungry." He turned to the package on the counter. "And speaking of success..." He grabbed the package and tore the wrapping off eagerly, allowing him to finally gaze upon the cover of his new book. And even better, the untold treasures within...

Well, they would be untold no longer! Hikaru cracked open the volume and scanned down the table of contents for the chapter that would teach him everything he needed to know. This plan... This plan would work. It was GUARANTEED to work. And if one thing could be said for Hikaru Gosunkugi's luck, it was that he had never in his life been able to claim a money-back guarantee.

*************************************************

"Well, that could have gone better," mumbled Ranma as he sat on a bench in the park, nursing the bump on his head with an ice pack. "I can't believe that jerk Ryoga and that idiot Akane would do something like that... right in front of me! And they didn't even have the common decency to be ashamed!" He pounded the bench with his fist. "I don't get it. One second, she's apologizing to me, and then she's up in her room making out with Ryoga! What could she see in that guy, anyway?"

He pictured the scene again, cringing as he did so. Anger filled him at the mere thought of Ryoga groping at Akane's breasts, and Akane getting a good taste of the inside of Ryoga's mouth... and yet, somehow, it wasn't worth wasting the energy to be angry at them. Instead, Ranma found himself wanting to think this situation through and figure out why Akane would go behind his back like that.

Come to think of it, that was a pretty good question. Even though she was always losing her temper with him, he was pretty sure that she wanted a better relationship with him... so why would she make out with Ryoga? It just didn't add up. She couldn't have given up on Ranma completely... she wasn't the type of girl who would give up anything that she wanted, especially not over something as trivial as a couple of casual insults. So her little tryst with Ryoga was probably not serious. Ranma caught himself sighing with relief and quickly stopped himself. He hadn't figured it out yet...

Okay, so she wasn't serious about Ryoga. So what? What reason could she have for getting so intimate with someone if she didn't have any feelings for him - particularly a level of intimacy that she'd never had with Ranma? He was just barely missing the connection... In a few more seconds, he was ready to bash himself on the head for his idiocy. She was doing it to make him jealous, obviously! She wanted a relationship, but Ranma was reluctant, so she was trying to bring out his desires by acting them out with Ranma's greatest rival. Now it all made sense! 

"Uncute tomboy," Ranma said aloud. "Like I'M going to get jealous over HER. More like SHE'S jealous over ME. At least the other girls who want to marry me are cute. Who's chasing after her? Kuno, Ryoga, Gosunkugi..." He spat. "What a bunch of losers. I don't have anything to be jealous about. Akane should be BEGGING me to marry her."

Then, was that the reason for...? Was it Akane's way of asking Ranma to be more forward? Maybe she was just too proud to admit that she was scared - scared that Ranma would choose another girl over her. He chuckled. What a ridiculous idea! No way Akane was feminine enough to be THAT sneaky!

Which meant... what? That she really was in love with Ryoga? That Ranma had insulted her one time too many, and lost her for good? Come to think of it, she had been a great deal more serious that evening than he had ever seen her... and he'd treated it as a joke! He laid his head in his hands and groaned. Had he really pushed her too far? Was there nothing he could do?

"NO!" he shouted as he leapt to his feet. "I don't care what it takes... I'll find a way to fix everything!" His stomach rumbled, reminding him that he hadn't had a chance to eat all day, but he ignored it. The setting sun cast its fading light on his back, the long shadows reminding him of the times he had walked through this very park with Akane. He wasn't going to let her go. She was HIS fiancée! He wasn't going to lose her to Ryoga!

Ranma clenched his fists as he walked. "You'd better get ready, pig-boy!" he declared to the unheeding heavens. "The next time I see you... you're going to wish you'd never messed with my fiancée!"

*************************************************

Deep in thought, Ryoga wandered, not even caring where he ended up. It didn't matter, now. He could never go back to the Tendo Dojo again. Not after he'd taken advantage of Akane that way, and then lied about it! How could he face her, knowing what he'd done? How could he look at the girl he loved without being reminded of his secret shame? Worse, what would happen if Akane ever found out the truth?

The truth... Ryoga wasn't sure he knew the truth himself. What had gone wrong with the technique? Happosai had assured him that it was a foolproof way to get Akane to fall in love with him! That was what the name meant - Naresome no Shiatsu: The Massage of Newfound Love.

No... wait. Those hadn't been Happosai's words. He'd said that it would bring Ryoga the love of any woman he desired. Well, THAT put a new spin on things. In retrospect, it was painfully obvious. Happosai's definition of love was as perverted as the man himself! The Naresome no Shiatsu had nothing to do with romance... it was just a technique that made girls horny. No wonder Akane hadn't been able to keep her hands off of him!

Well, that was a lesson learned. He'd never trust Happosai again. But there was a bigger problem left to deal with: explaining the situation to Ranma. They'd had a healthy rivalry going ever since they'd met, but this time, Ryoga had a feeling he'd overstepped the bounds of common competition. Akane had been a sort of tacit goal of their rivalry since it had moved to Nerima, but she'd never been an active part of it. Ranma was probably looking for him at that very moment, ready to wring Ryoga's neck on sight for desecrating his fiancée. Not that Ryoga was afraid, of course. He was ready to accept his punishment like a man and take responsibility for his mistakes.

Wait... no, he wasn't! That wasn't how Ryoga Hibiki dealt with his problems! It sounded more like something out of that book... The book! He thrust a fist into his mouth to keep from screaming. He'd left it in Akane's room! If she found that book... Well, no chance of finding his way back there in time. His only hope now was that she didn't put the facts together and realize that Ryoga wasn't quite as innocent as he seemed. Then again, this was the girl who still hadn't figured out that he and P-chan were one and the same, despite the abundance of blatant clues. And there wasn't anything particularly incriminating in the book, anyway. Akane would never guess that he had anything to do with what had happened during her memory loss.

That still left the problem of how to deal with Ranma, however. Somehow, it didn't feel right to fight him over something that wasn't his fault. But Ranma would want to fight, of course, and Ryoga couldn't back down from a challenge. To fight or not to fight, that was the question...

Ryoga didn't have time to ponder the answer. He looked up to find himself in a familiar park that even he couldn't help but recognize. And through the comic graces of whatever gods were looking for amusement on this otherwise peaceful winter evening, Ranma was just coming down the path now, on an intercept course with Ryoga. He hadn't seen the lost boy yet, but any second, their eyes would meet, and when they did, Ryoga would know exactly what Ranma had planned for him.

Ranma looked up and saw Ryoga, and Ryoga screamed and leapt behind a bush. Those eyes... Ryoga had never seen an expression like that before, no matter how angry Ranma had been! There had been something there, a glimmer of some emotion, so terrifying that Ryoga just couldn't face it.

"Hey, Ryoga," Ranma called out emotionlessly. Far from being the threat that Ryoga had expected, this was merely a greeting, a bit cold, but not vengeful in the least. Startled, Ryoga peered over the top of the bush. Ranma looked much calmer now, as if just seeing that Ryoga was afraid of him had mollified him somehow. But Ryoga wasn't fooled for a second. He knew it was just a trick to lure him out.

Still, what good would it do him to hide from his problems? Better to come right out and face Ranma like a man and pay the price for what he'd done. He stood up and stepped out from behind the bush. "Ranma, I know you're mad at me," he began. "I could try to explain what I did, but in the end, it's my fault just the same." He bowed his head. "So I won't fight you. Do whatever you want to me." He braced himself for the pounding of his life.

Ranma stared at Ryoga for a few minutes as if trying to fathom his purpose. "Nah," he finally said defeatedly. "It ain't worth it."

"What?" Ryoga looked into Ranma's eyes, expecting a surprise attack now that he was off guard. But Ranma appeared to be totally serious. Ryoga grabbed him by the collar. "Who are you, and what have you done with the real Ranma?"

Ranma merely shook his head. "I don't know what's stopping me from beating you up either. Normally, I'd have torn one of your legs off and beaten you to death with it for what you did to Akane. But for some reason, I feel like violence isn't going to solve anything anymore. Fighting just hurts people."

Ryoga released his grip, mulling over Ranma's words. They sounded familiar, somehow... but Ryoga had better things to do than wonder why Ranma sounded like a therapist. He had an overwhelming burden of guilt to absolve. "What do you mean, it's not worth it?" he demanded angrily. "If Akane was MY fiancée and I caught you having your way with her, I'd be pounding you senseless!"

Ranma just shrugged. "What would that accomplish? It happened; it's over. Akane'd probably be even more pissed at me if I beat you up anyway."

Well, there was that... but... "What kind of man are you, anyway?" Ryoga asked pointedly. "You should be defending your fiancée's honor!"

Ranma shrugged again. "If you insist." He grabbed Ryoga by the collar and lifted him off of his feet.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Ryoga protested.

"Anyone who would take advantage of Akane like that is no man," said Ranma. "Someone like that... is more of a pig!" With that, he hurled Ryoga over his shoulder, right into the park's ornamental fountain. Ryoga landed with a splash and bobbed to the surface, fighting his way out of his clothes and squealing indignantly.

Ranma fished Ryoga out of the fountain. "Like I said, it wouldn't do me any good to beat you up. But at least this way, you'll be wandering around for so long trying to find home again that I'll have time to make things up with Akane."

Ryoga oinked bitterly.

"Of course, you did offer an explanation of just HOW you got Akane so excited over you..." Ranma mused aloud. "But you can't exactly talk when you're a pig..."

Ryoga nodded and oinked eagerly. Ranma was going to make him human again!

Instead, however, Ranma placed him on the ground and dropped a pen and a sheet of paper next to him. "Here you go, Mr. P.," said Ranma. "You can write your explanation."

Ryoga grabbed the pen unsteadily in his teeth, then leapt up and swatted Ranma on the head with it. "Bwee bwee bwee!" he oinked angrily.

Ranma rubbed his head. "Huh. Can't write either, can you? Oh well." He picked Ryoga up and tucked him under an arm. "Guess we'd better get you some hot water."

Ryoga settled into Ranma's arm and let himself be carried out of the park, wondering a bit about Ranma's odd behavior. He was definitely not his usual short-tempered self, that was for sure. But what could it mean? More importantly, how could Ryoga take advantage of it? Could this change in Ranma be the ticket to Akane's heart? And if so, was it Ranma's or Ryoga's ticket? One thing was certain, however. He was going to have to choose his next source of dating advice a little more carefully.

*************************************************

Kodachi stormed into her bedroom angrily, nearly forgetting in her temper to duck as a boom swung down from the ceiling through the space where her head had been. Once safely inside, she breathed deeply of the aroma of the black roses that covered her walls and ceiling like wallpaper. The sweet perfume helped to calm her nerves after her harrowing evening. Her search had turned up no trace of Ranma, and the pigtailed harridan was also nowhere to be found. An entire evening of searching the city, wasted...

She glared angrily at the book lying open on her desk. "You've been no help at all," she said to it as she seated herself in front of her vanity. She frowned at the image of her sole-marked face in the mirror. "Change my life for the better?" she continued sarcastically. "I think not. I'll be sure to reclaim the purchase price through the advertised money-back guarantee." She plucked a rose from the wall with a slight air of frustration, pulled off a few petals, and dropped them into a mortar. "All I wanted was my Ranma darling! Yet even with the aid of the advice in that book, he still rejects me!" She snatched up the pestle and angrily ground the petals into paste. "How dare he disgrace the face of the Black Rose with his heel!" She scooped the paste out of the bowl with a soft cloth and applied it to her face, instantly masking the red footprint. "I will win his heart yet! All I need is a new approach..."

The petals of the roses on the walls rustled abruptly, startling Kodachi. "Just a breeze," she said once she had regained her breath. "Obviously, my brother needs to be taught a lesson about entering my room and leaving the window open." She stood up in a huff, directing her recently-subsided anger at her intrusive brother as she crossed the room to close the window. She pulled the curtain aside and reached up to close the sash... only to find it already closed. "That's odd," she said, turning around to verify that the roses were no longer being touched by the mysterious breeze. SHE certainly hadn't felt a draft. "It must have been my imagination," she decided. "The day's hectic pace has taken its toll on my poor nerves."

So reassured, Kodachi sat once again and studied herself in the mirror. "What is not to love about this beautiful face?" she asked herself. "It is obvious that Ranma does not find me a suitable fiancée, but what, in his esteem, do I lack?" She hummed thoughtfully, frowning at her ponytail. "Perhaps he has grown weary of this antiquated coiffure. After all, he himself sports a pigtail. But what new style would appeal to him?"

Her eyes lit on the pair of rose-adorned hair clips on the vanity stand, and she smiled. "Ah, yes. Those will do nicely." She pulled the hair from the left side of her head into a ponytail, securing it with one of the clips, then did the same on the right side. "There. This childish style perfectly complements my youthful face."

She turned her head to examine herself on one side, then the other. "Hmmm... it is lovely, but I don't think it would appeal to Ranma. He would be more attracted to an older woman." She removed the clips, shaking her head to let her hair fall back naturally. "Let's see... what style is popular among adults?" She wound her hair into a bun and used a long hairpin to secure it. "There. This should add just the right amount of maturity and womanly grace to my appearance." She paused to admire her reflection again. "I must say; like a fine wine, I certainly age well."

Once again, the rose petals rustled in a nonexistent wind, falling silent as Kodachi turned to investigate. Her trained eye spotted nothing out of the ordinary in the room. She licked a finger and held it aloft, feeling the air for signs of a breeze. However, the air was perfectly still. "What a strange phenomenon," said Kodachi, turning back to the mirror. What she saw drew her breath out in a single gasp. The roses on the opposite wall were bulging outwards, stretching across the room toward her. Kodachi rubbed her eyes and turned around, staring in disbelief at the floral projection as the flowers from the other three walls and ceiling shifted to join the main mass at the back of the room. The bulge grew and stretched with the increased mass, reaching for her.

Kodachi took a step backwards, brandishing her ribbon. "What is going on?" She snapped the ribbon at the still-forming mass, tearing it apart. The flowers quickly rearranged themselves to fill the gap, as the blob continued to take shape. A pair of long tentacles grew from the bottom, and another pair emerged from the sides near the top of the blob, quickly taking rigid forms. A fifth extension popped out of the top of the main mass, this one a round bulge connected to the lower part by a short, thick tube. Kodachi lashed out again with the ribbon, but one of the upper projections caught the cloth, pulling it out of Kodachi's hand. Kodachi stumbled backwards, groping on the top of her vanity for something, anything to use as a weapon against the living anthropic bouquet.

Before she could strike again, however, the entire mass of roses exploded outwards, filling the room with black petals, blinding Kodachi and making it difficult to breathe. She coughed out a mouthful of petals and slowly edged her way around the vanity, toward the bedroom door. A strong arm grabbed her around the waist, pulling her back to the center of the room. Kodachi screamed and swung a fist at her captor, but felt nothing except for a brief sensation of intense cold, as if she were reaching through a cloud.

As the rose petals began to settle to the floor, the bedroom door flew open. "What is going OOF!" shouted Tatewaki, the final cry of pain in response to the boom smashing him in the face.

"Brother!" cried Kodachi. "Help me!" The cold air behind Kodachi swirled around her, engulfing her completely. She opened her mouth to scream again, but the cold air rushed into her throat, choking her. Kodachi reflexively inhaled to cough the foul air out of her lungs, but that merely filled her lungs with it even faster. She felt her entire body growing colder as the fog worked its way into her bloodstream, and then everything went black as she finally lost consciousness.

Meanwhile, Tatewaki had recovered from the blow to his head and staggered into the room, swinging his bokken randomly as he waved his hand to clear the rose petals from his path. He could vaguely see a human silhouette in the middle of the room, and charged at it, slashing it right through the center. The figure, unfazed by the attack, leapt backwards, right through the window. Tatewaki ran to the window, opened what remained of it, and climbed onto the sill to leap down to the ground below. As he looked down to gauge his jump, he caught sight of the intruder fleeing toward Mr. Green Turtle's pond. The figure, clad in a red shirt and dark trousers, its black hair tied into a pigtail, stopped at the pond's edge and turned to stare up at Tatewaki. For a split second, their eyes met, and a chill ran down Tatewaki's spine. Then, before he could react, the figure vanished, leaving no indication that it had ever existed at all.

Tatewaki's hand clenched the handle of his bokken tightly as a few stray petals blew past him out the window into the Nerima night. He spat the name that was on the tip of his tongue as if it were poisonous, eager to rid his mouth of its filthy taste. "Ranma Saotome... for this, you will die."


	4. 3: The Pen is not always Mightier

Ranma 1/2: A Deadly Choice

Chapter 3: The Pen is not always Mightier than the Sword

The sun had already set by the time Ranma reached the Tendo house. For the second time that day, he paused at the front door before entering, this time in response to a growling sound coming from the region of his abdomen. "Was that you, Ryoga?" he asked the black pig under his arm.

"Bwee bwee!" Ryoga shook his head in denial.

"Musta been me, then," said Ranma. "I haven't eaten all day." He quietly slid the door open and crossed the threshold, then crept through the dining room to the kitchen, careful not to attract the attention of the Saotome and Tendo fathers out back. "There's gotta be something to eat in here."

"BWEE!" Ryoga protested loudly, pointing toward the bathroom.

"Can it, pig!" snapped Ranma. "I've been through enough today on an empty stomach. If I have to listen to your story about how you got Akane into bed with you, I'm eating first."

"BweeBWEEbwee!" Ryoga oinked insistently, doing his best to form a word.

"Maybe I'll just have a pork sandwich..."

Ryoga shook his head. "BweeBWEEbwee! BWEEBWEEBWEE!"

"You trying to say something?" asked Ranma. "I don't get it."

"BWEE BW-" Ryoga gave up trying to communicate verbally and leapt out of Ranma's arms onto the kitchen counter. He grabbed the loose end of the roll of paper towels in his teeth and pulled a sheet free, then used a paw with practiced ease to punch out holes that seemed to form the shapes of three characters in the loose sheet.

"A-ka-ne," Ranma read aloud. "Akane? Is that what you were trying to say?"

"Bwee!" Ryoga cheered, waving a flag in the air to celebrate.

"All right," said Ranma, still not understanding the point of the game. "So, what about Akane?"

Ryoga took a deep breath, then launched into an intricate pantomime of walking into a room, seeing something he didn't approve of, and beating someone over the head with a large heavy object. Ranma watched the entire production with interest.

When Ryoga had finished, Ranma nodded his understanding. "You're overdue for your rabies shot, aren't you?"

Ryoga leapt up and swatted him on the head.

"Ow! All right! I get it." Ranma sighed. "You want me to turn you back before Akane catches me with her precious pet pig and gets angry." He glanced at the battered teakettle on the counter. "Looks like boiling water is out. But there's a tub full of hot water in the bathroom." He picked Ryoga up and crossed the dining room to the hallway door. He slunk silently down the hallway, looking both ways to make sure nobody was watching as he crept toward the door at the far end. All was quiet, leading Ranma to the condemning thought that, for once, everything was going his way.

Naturally, as soon as Ranma had allowed himself to feel safe for that tiny fatal second, the bathroom door slid open to admit a bathrobe-clad teenaged girl, her face obscured by the towel with which she was drying her hair. Ranma caught his breath and quickly hid Ryoga behind his back.

The girl's hands froze, and she turned her head to look at Ranma. "Are you hiding something, Ranma?" she asked, in a much calmer and softer voice than Ranma was expecting from Akane. In fact... the face peering at him from beneath the towel wasn't Akane's at all. It was Nabiki's.

Ranma sighed his relief. "Boy, Nabiki, am I glad to see you! For a second, I thought you were Akane!" Ryoga squealed softly in terror.

"In that case, you're in real trouble," replied Nabiki, still looking right at Ranma.

"Why's that?" asked Ranma.

"Because she's right behind you, staring at whatever you're trying to hide from me."

Ranma spun around, belatedly, to see Akane glaring at him with the angriest expression he'd ever seen on her face. He reflexively brought his hands in front to put some space between himself and Akane, forgetting that he was still holding Ryoga. Akane glanced down only long enough to confirm the identity of the pig before turning the full force of her glare back on Ranma.

Time passed slowly, as the occupants of the hallway remained frozen in a tableau of muted violence waiting for an outlet. Ranma didn't move a muscle, for fear that the slightest twitch might set Akane off. Akane waited motionlessly for Ranma to make a move. Ryoga prayed silently for a quick end, or failing that, a chance to sneak away while Akane pounded Ranma.

Nabiki, on the other hand, calmly pushed the two martial artists aside and walked between them, with barely an "Excuse me." The brief intrusion into their personal space broke the tension just enough to precipitate a bit of action. Namely, Akane grabbing Ryoga from Ranma's arms and cradling him protectively to her chest.

"What are you doing to P-chan?" she demanded. Ryoga buried his snout in Akane's shirt, anticipating (and dreading) what was to come.

Ranma, however, surprised both Akane and Ryoga by taking a few seconds to think before answering. "I found him outside, lost as usual and dirty," he replied at last. "So I thought I'd bring him home and give him a bath." He shrugged, as if to indicate that it should have been obvious.

Akane didn't buy it for a second. "He doesn't look dirty to me," she snapped. "You probably just wanted to try to drown him in the bathtub again."

"If I wanted to drown him, I wouldn't have brought him HERE to do it," Ranma pointed out.

"Why DID you come home?" countered Akane. "I thought you wanted to run off to a fiancee who saw your side of things instead of the one who gets angry all the time."

Ranma quickly prepared a witty, biting retort relating to Akane's affair with Ryoga. "I want YOU to be the fiancee who sees my side of things," he replied instead.

Akane's jaw dropped. He'd actually said something nice! Or at least, it sounded that way... "What do you mean by that?" she asked, just to make sure.

Ranma shook his head in confusion. "I dunno. Just another one of those weird things I've been saying since I woke up in that alley this afternoon, I guess. I was gonna say -"

"Ranma, maybe you should see Doctor Tofu," Akane interrupted. "I think something may be seriously wrong with you."

Ranma shrugged. "Maybe it's just because I'm hungry. I haven't had a bite to eat all day. I probably just collapsed from hunger somewhere and haven't been thinking straight 'cause, like Pops always says, 'An empty head sits atop an empty stomach.' All I gotta do is grab a bite to eat, and tomorrow morning, I'll be fine." His stomach growled again, lending confirmation to his theory.

Akane's expression softened. "Ranma, I'm really worried. You're not acting like yourself anymore!"

Ranma shrugged again. "I thought you, for one, would be happy if I started acting different."

"That's not the point!" shouted Akane.

"Well, if you don't want me to change..." began Ranma.

Akane snarled. "You're doing it again! Stop taking everything I say the wrong way!"

"How am I supposed to take it?" asked Ranma. "I can't read your mind. I can only guess at what you're feeling by your expressions, and the way you speak, and -"

"Are you even listening to yourself?" asked Akane. "Do you understand what you're saying?"

Ranma shook his head, not in answer to the question, but to indicate that he didn't want to answer. "The question, Akane, is not whether I can understand what I'm saying, but whether YOU can understand what I'm saying."

Akane's head spun in the flood of twisted logic. "I don't understand. What are you trying to say?"

"Yes, Ranma," agreed Soun from the dining room doorway, where he and Genma had appeared to hear the last part of the conversation. "What exactly ARE you trying to say?"

Ranma looked at the fathers, then back to Akane. "We're just not communicating," he decided aloud. "Discussing it like this isn't going to get us anywhere. Would you mind giving us our privacy?"

"Certainly," said Soun. "Don't mind us. Just pretend we're not here."

"We're your parents," added Genma. "It's important for us to monitor you during this critical stage of your development."

Ranma turned to glare at them, then let his shoulders sag in defeat. "Never mind. I'm too hungry to deal with this. Forget dinner. I'm just going to bed." He shuffled down the hallway toward the staircase. "You have fun with Ryoga, Akane."

"Ranma, wait!" Akane called after him. He didn't even pause on his way to his room. She started to follow him, but the fathers stepped into the hallway to block her path.

"What did he mean, 'have fun with Ryoga?'" asked Soun. Ryoga buried his face in his paws.

"I have no idea!" protested Akane. "I don't know what's going on today! Something weird has been happening to everybody..." She trailed off, wondering whether it was wise to tell their fathers about the memory losses. It would probably only make them worry, and there was nothing they could do. She and Ranma would have to deal with the problem on their own.

"What is it, Akane?" her father pressed. "What's happening?"

"I don't know," she repeated calmly. "I need some time alone to think." She slid between the pair of bodies and climbed the stairs without looking back. Just as Ranma had done, she reflected morosely. A quick glance confirmed that the guest room door was closed; and as much as she wanted to talk to Ranma now, she knew that it wouldn't be right to intrude. She let herself into her room and sat down heavily on the bed.

"What's going on?" she asked aloud. "It's not just Ranma. Ryoga and I also experienced it. But I'm not acting strangely, like Ranma is, and I don't think Ryoga was either... except that we woke up in the middle of a kiss..."

She felt a tiny wet drop land on her wrist and looked down. It was a drop of blood from P-chan's nose. "P-chan! I forgot I was carrying you! I'm so sorry, baby! Did I hurt you?" She quickly grabbed a tissue and wiped at P-chan's nose while he softly squealed deliriously to himself. "I'm just so worried about Ranma! He seems to think nothing's wrong, but..."

Akane shook her head, beginning to stroke P-chan lightly as an important fact came to mind. "Ukyo said that Shampoo was acting suspiciously. And now that I think about it, the feeling I had when I woke up this evening reminds me of the time Shampoo used her memory-erasing shampoo on me. I had the same feeling then... strangely warm and refreshed." She snapped her fingers, startling P-chan. "That must be it! Shampoo must have snuck in here, somehow forced us to kiss each other, and then erased our memories!" She looked up at the recently patched hole in the ceiling. "Or maybe she's the one who broke in through the ceiling. But why?"

P-chan did his best to shrug. Even if he did have the power to tell her the truth, he couldn't shatter her innocence that way! Especially not after having lied to her, back when he'd had the chance to come clean. The truth could only make things worse now. So... as long as Akane was willing to create her own lie, why not go along with it?

Akane hummed as she considered her new information. "Usually, it's Ukyo who tries to get me and Ryoga together so she can have Ranma to herself... do you think Shampoo had the same idea?" She sighed. "Ranma's convinced that nothing's wrong, but I have a bad feeling that something's going to happen tonight. I just know she has some kind of plan, and he might be in real trouble! But what can I possibly do about it? It's not like I can watch Ranma all night!"

P-chan's head perked up at that remark, and he leapt out of Akane's arms and raced for the open door. "Wait, P-chan!" Akane called after him. "What's wrong?" She ran after him as far as the upstairs hallway, but by the time she reached the landing, he was nowhere in sight. "Where did he go?" she wondered aloud. "And why was he in such a hurry to get away from me?"

*************************************************

Ryoga carefully nudged the bathroom door open with his snout and crept inside, shutting the door behind himself. He trotted purposefully to the tub and leapt in, changing back to his human form in the warm water and splashing quite a bit of it onto the floor in the process. He toweled himself dry as quickly as possible, grabbed one of his spare outfits from the secret cache in the back of the closet, and dressed in record time. He was halfway to the door when he thought better of it and went to the window instead, climbing over the tub with practiced ease. "Excuse me," he said as he leapt out.

Soun merely nodded as he turned on the spigot to refill the tub. He was used to this sort of intrusion by now, and hardly even noticed Ryoga's visits any more. It was odd, however, that he would use the window this time instead of the door...

Coincidentally, Ryoga found himself wondering the same thing, now that he was standing in the Tendo backyard, staring up at the multitude of windows that punctuated the wall of the house above him. Which one was Akane's? How would he find his way back to her bedroom, now that he'd changed back into his own form? He tried to remember where in the house Akane's bedroom was, but the closest he could come was 'not next to the bomb shelter.' Oh well, only one thing to do. He leapt up to one of the darkened second story windows, slid the movable pane aside, and climbed in.

As soon as he got his head through the window frame, he could hear a girl sobbing from under the blankets on the bed at the far side of the room. He heaved a sigh of relief. He'd managed to find the right room on the first try! And poor Akane... how dare Ranma drive her to tears like this! But her hero was here, ready to charge to her rescue and make everything right! He stealthily dropped to the floor and crossed the room to the bed.

"Wake up!" he whispered harshly, shaking the body under the covers. "I've come for you!" The sobbing immediately ended in a strangled gasp as the covers were pulled down from within. Ryoga quickly covered Kasumi's mouth before she could scream. "Kasumi! What are you doing in Akane's room?"

"Mmmph mmph mm rmmph," replied Kasumi.

Ryoga removed his hand from her mouth. "What did you say?"

"I said that this is my room," she replied calmly. "And I'd like to know what you're doing here."

"N-nothing," stammered Ryoga, backing toward the window. "In fact, I was just leaving."

"That's all right." Kasumi wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I must apologize for my curtness. You see, I noticed that Ranma missed breakfast this morning, and Akane was concerned about him this afternoon, so I thought I'd make his favorite for dinner tonight. I put a great deal of preparation into tonight's meal, but Ranma didn't stay for dinner. I suppose I was a little bit upset. But I'm fine now. Thank you for cheering me up."

Ryoga clenched his fist. "Ranma made both Akane and Kasumi cry! I've got to..." He shook his head. "No, my revenge will have to wait. Akane needs me!" He climbed halfway out the window, then climbed back in and hastily bowed. "Um, you're welcome, Kasumi." He quickly made his egress again, leaving a very confused Kasumi to her much-needed rest.

"Now what?" asked Ryoga, once he was outside. "I guess I've got to try another room." He climbed along the wall to the next window and peered into the room. This room was nearly as organized as Kasumi's room had been, but the decorations were a bit too feminine to be Akane's. Ryoga recognized the figure in one of the wall posters as the main character in a popular girls' manga. "This must be Nabiki's room," he said to himself.

"That's exactly right," replied a voice from just inside the window. "The question is, what are you doing peeping into my room?"

She could hear through the window? "I thought this was Akane's room!" Ryoga hastily explained.

"So, you were trying to peep on Akane?" asked Nabiki, stepping into view. Ryoga quickly averted his eyes to avoid staring at her nightgown-clad figure.

"No! That's not it at all!" protested Ryoga. "Akane asked for my help with something and I was trying to find her room!"

"A likely story," said Nabiki, resting her elbows on the windowsill. "If you were invited, why are you sneaking in through the window?"

"I couldn't find the door?" tried Ryoga, carefully studying a blemish in the paintwork of the windowframe.

Nabiki frowned at Ryoga's reaction. She prided herself on her peepableness, yet Ryoga was deliberately avoiding the view she was offering him. And she'd so hoped to catch him in an act of perversion and be justified in some subsequent vengeful act! "I guess you might be telling the truth," she agreed grudgingly. She slid the window open, grabbed Ryoga's head, and turned it to face Akane's window. "See that window over there?" she asked. "That's Akane's room. Got it?"

"Right, thanks," said Ryoga, climbing toward the window without taking his eyes off of it. He slid the window open with trepidation, half expecting to have picked the wrong window in spite of Nabiki's guidance. He climbed into the dark room, just waiting to trip over Ranma's father or stumble into Kasumi's bed again...

The light turned on, and Ryoga choked back the scream that rose in his throat before he saw Akane sitting up in her bed, with her hand on the bedside lamp. "Ryoga? What are you doing in my room at this time of night?" she asked.

"It's about Ranma," he replied.

Akane seemed confused for a few seconds, before comprehension dawned on her face and she nodded. "Oh, right. You went to find out what happened to Ranma this afternoon."

"I did?" Oh, of course. The excuse he'd made to leave her room after the Naresome no Shiatsu disaster. "Actually, that's not why I came back."

"Oh." Akane looked even more confused. "Then why ARE you here?"

Ryoga carefully considered his reply. "I thought you might be able to use my help in some other way," he suggested. That shouldn't give anything away...

Akane brightened. "Oh, right! I was just thinking about asking somebody to watch Ranma tonight and make sure nothing happens to him, but I couldn't think of anyone I could ask!"

Ryoga blushed. "Yeah, well... I suppose I might be able to..."

"Oh, thank you!" Akane breathed gratefully.

"Sure, no problem," said Ryoga, rubbing the back of his head. It felt like he was forgetting something in his excitement over helping Akane...

Akane's face drooped. "By the way... did you happen to see P-chan tonight?"

"P-chan?" Ryoga's eyes shifted guiltily. "No... why do you ask?"

She sighed. "He just ran off a few minutes ago, and I still haven't figured out where he went, or why he left in the first place. I'm worried about him... he's usually back before bedtime."

Ryoga gulped. She was expecting P-chan back tonight, but the pig wouldn't be making an appearance if Ryoga was watching Ranma! "I'm sorry, Akane!" he interjected quickly. "I just remembered, I can't watch Ranma for you!"

"You can't?" Akane repeated despondently. "Why not?"

"I can't tell you," Ryoga said. No sooner were the words out of his mouth than he wished he could take them back, but it was too late.

Akane took a deep breath. "I think I understand," she said. "You probably don't want to be around me after what happened earlier today..."

"That's not the reason!" Ryoga protested. "I just..." An idea struck him. "I'm not a very good bodyguard!" he said proudly. Thinking better of it, he quickly checked his pride and did his best to look ashamed of his shortcoming.

"Oh." Akane considered his statement. "I suppose that's a good point," she decided.

"You probably want someone like Mousse for this job," said Ryoga, not quite as casually as he sounded. "I bet he'd make a pretty good bodyguard..."

Akane clapped her hands together. "That's a great idea! But would he agree to do it?"

"If he thought the strange stuff going on today was part of a plan to get Shampoo and Ranma together, he probably would," posited Ryoga.

"Do you really think we can convince him to help us?" Akane asked hopefully.

"Only one way to find out," said Ryoga. He leapt out the window, glad that Akane hadn't noticed how much he was shaking with the fear that his diversion would have failed.

"Ryoga, wait!" shouted Akane as she ran to the window. "By the time you find your way there, it'll be morning already!" She climbed out the window and landed beside Ryoga on the lawn.

"Um, Akane..." whispered Ryoga, "You're not exactly dressed to go out."

Akane looked down at herself and realized for the first time that she was still wearing her pajamas. However, her pride refused to let her admit her error. "I know what I'm wearing!" she said, standing up straight like a rooster displaying its intimidating chest feathers and daring any other chicken to cross its path. "There's no time to change! We've got to get Mousse before anything happens to Ranma!"

Ryoga reluctantly allowed Akane to lead him out of the yard and into the streets of Nerima, knowing that losing sight of her would leave him helplessly stranded. 'Akane, I'd follow you to the ends of the Earth if it would make you happy,' he thought to himself. 'But why must you tease me with those pajamas...?' He sighed. "I want you so much, Akane. But how can I make you see that without hurting you any more than I already have?"

*************************************************

Shampoo climbed the stairs to the upper floor of the Cat Cafe, dragging the weight of fatigue from another hard day's work waiting on customers, cleaning tables, and making preparations for her great-grandmother's plan. After such a trying day, she'd earned at least a night and a half of undisturbed sleep. Unfortunately, there was no such thing as undisturbed sleep in Nerima, but in her exhausted state, Shampoo was willing to settle for the nearest equivalent. She slid open the door to her room and stepped inside, not even noticing the figure waiting for her within until it spoke to her.

"Good evening, Shampoo," said Mousse, adjusting his glasses.

"Mousse, what you doing here?" demanded Shampoo, more annoyed than startled. "This one Shampoo's room!"

"I've been waiting for you, Shampoo," Mousse replied, in a tone that was flat yet seductive.

Shampoo shook her head in confusion. "Shampoo only downstairs working. Why you not come down if wanted to talk to Shampoo?"

In an instant, Mousse was at the other end of the room with his arms around Shampoo. "I've been waiting here for you, Shampoo... because it doesn't matter whether we're in the same place or hundreds of miles apart. Until now, we've always been distant from each other. But tonight... that will change."

Shampoo shrank away from Mousse as best she could while secured by his half-embrace, half-stranglehold. "What you doing? Shampoo not understand..."

"There's nothing to understand," said Mousse. "You know how much I love you, and I know you love me in return..." For a second, it seemed as if Mousse had more to say, but in that brief silence, he grabbed the back of Shampoo's head and steered her into a passionate kiss. Shampoo responded immediately, returning the kiss with unexpected vigor. Mousse nearly lost his balance as Shampoo pressed her body against his, doing her best to drag him toward the bed despite her lack of leverage. Mousse was only too happy to oblige, eagerly pushing Shampoo in the direction she was leading him.

With a grunt, Shampoo began to resist Mousse's pull. "What's wrong, Shampoo?" he asked, breaking the kiss.

"Help!" cried Shampoo. Mousse let his gaze slide past Shampoo's radiant face, which was all he could see in the darkness that was the unimportant rest of the world... no, wait... the darkness surrounding Shampoo wasn't in his imagination! It was real, alive, and trying to tear her away from him! Mousse reflexively backed away from the writhing shadow, but Shampoo held a deathgrip on his arm as the shadow pulled her deeper into itself.

Mousse steeled his nerves and grabbed Shampoo's wrist firmly while the other hand summoned a fistful of daggers with a flourish. "Don't worry, Shampoo," he assured her. "I'll save you!"

"Mousse, hurry!" urged Shampoo.

With a shout of "Let Shampoo go!" Mousse launched the daggers at the shadow, careful not to hit Shampoo. The daggers tore cylindrical holes through the shadow as they passed through; but the holes immediately filled themselves as if they had never been opened, even before the daggers struck the far wall of the bedroom and stuck into the hard wood. Mousse gave a start at the sound. "I didn't damage it at all!"

"Do something! Mousse!" gasped Shampoo as the blackness covered her face.

Mousse clung doggedly to the arm that was the only part of Shampoo still visible outside the shadow. "Just hold on! I won't let you go!" Despite his plea, he felt Shampoo's grip begin to slip as the shadow pulled her in with even more force. Part of the cloud formed a pair of arms, which grabbed his shoulders and shook him violently.

"Mousse! Mousse!" Shampoo's distorted voice cried from somewhere within the darkness.

Mousse sat bolt upright in bed, lunging at the shadow. "Let go, you deformed monster!"

The shadow smacked him in the face with an open palm. "Who are you calling a deformed monster?" demanded the voice that had been calling to him in his dream. It wasn't Shampoo's voice at all...

"Akane Tendo?" he asked sleepily. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?"

"Never mind that!" snapped Akane, continuing to shake Mousse by the shoulders. "Where do you get off calling me a deformed monster?"

"We came here for a reason, Akane," Ryoga's voice reminded her from the direction of the window. "Rather than fighting over what was probably an unintentional insult, you should ask for the favor you came for."

"I think I can handle this myself!" Akane retorted, punctuating her exclamation with another Mousse-buffeting shake.

"You'd better hope you don't shake the wits right out of him," replied Ryoga.

"Shake the wits right out of who?" asked Akane, no longer even aware that she was continuing to take out her rage on Mousse.

"Are you even paying attention to what you're doing?" asked Ryoga, a smile beginning to cross his face despite his resolve.

Akane's arms froze. "What are you talking about?" she asked.

"Can I say something?" Mousse interjected dazedly.

Akane turned her angry glare on Mousse. "What?" she demanded.

"What are you doing in my room?" he asked.

"Hey! I came here to ask YOU for a favor!" Akane shouted indignantly.

"I really can't say much for your delivery," said Ryoga.

Mousse's hand stealthily crept over to the nightstand and began to fumble for his glasses. "Would you mind... letting go of me?" he asked.

Akane hastily released her grip on Mousse and leapt off of the bed. "Sorry about that," she apologized. "I guess I'm just a little jumpy after all the weird stuff that's happened today."

"Weird stuff?" Mousse asked as he donned his glasses. "What kind of weird -" He paused in mid-sentence to look Akane up and down. "Um... is the fact that you came to see me in your pajamas part of the weird stuff, or just a coincidence?"

"I told you to change before we left," Ryoga reminded her.

"Can we forget about my pajamas for a second?" snapped Akane. "The reason we came is because we think something might happen to Ranma tonight, and we need a bodyguard for him, and we thought you might be the best person for the job."

"I'm flattered, but I'm afraid I'll have to decline," said Mousse. "Ranma is my rival for Shampoo's hand, so helping him is against my principles."

"But..." Akane began. Lacking a train of further thought, she looked imploringly toward Ryoga.

"What if the person trying to get to Ranma was Shampoo?" interjected Ryoga. "What if she'd found a way to make Ranma fall in love with her, and all she needed was a chance to get him alone?"

Mousse snorted. "Well, if THAT was the case, then of course I'd have no choice but to accept!" He leaned forward, causing the moonlight from the window to reflect in his glasses. "Does this have anything to do with the fact that Shampoo took a personal day off today?"

"I knew it!" Akane said triumphantly, slamming her fist into her palm. "I KNEW she was up to something!"

"Now, let's not jump to conclusions," countered Ryoga. "We don't know for sure whether or not Shampoo was involved. However, we do have grounds for reasonable suspicion, so we have to take measures to protect Ranma from her influence, just in case."

Mousse simply smiled and nodded while Ryoga spoke, then turned to Akane when he'd finished. "Is that the kind of weird stuff you were talking about?"

"I don't think so," replied Akane. "I think he got that from a book."

Mousse shrugged. "Well, wherever he got it from, it seems to make sense. If Shampoo's trying to make Ranma fall in love with her, I have to try to stop her."

"Then let's hurry up and get back to the Tendo Dojo before Shampoo tries anything," said Ryoga. He leapt out the window and waited for Akane and Mousse to join him. Mousse immediately ran ahead, while Akane stayed behind to talk to Ryoga.

"That was unexpectedly easy, wasn't it?" she asked, once Mousse was out of earshot.

"It's all a matter of knowing how to convince people," Ryoga replied with a wink.

"That book really helped you, didn't it?" asked Akane.

Ryoga missed a step and nearly tripped. "What book?" he asked defensively.

"I found a book in my room after you left," explained Akane. "I thought you might have accidentally left it behind."

Ryoga shook his head as he ran. "Nope. It's not mine," he lied. He couldn't let Akane know that the book was his! What if she connected it to his strange behavior, and that to her memory loss? If she suspected that he was the true cause of their kiss... "Someone else must have dropped it there," he said.

"Shampoo!" Akane shouted immediately. "It must have been her book! No wonder she was acting so strangely today! She's been using the advice in that book!"

"I suppose it's a possibility," Ryoga said dismissively. It still hurt to purposefully mislead Akane, but it was the only option he had. He charged ahead and caught up with Mousse in order to avoid further conversation with Akane.

"How much farther is it to the Tendo Dojo?" Ryoga asked.

"We're just coming up to the back garden wall now," replied Mousse, pointing to the wall in question.

"Great! That means I have to hurry!" Ryoga leapt ahead and landed on the wall.

"What's the rush?" asked Mousse.

Ryoga turned back to reply as he leapt into the Tendo backyard. "I have to get something before Akane gets back to her room."

"Are you sure that's the best place to jump without looking?" Mousse asked as he leapt onto the wall that Ryoga had just vacated.

"What do you -?" began Ryoga, before he looked down to see the koi pond right under him. He screamed in terror and valiantly made swimming motions with his arms and legs, but couldn't alter his trajectory as he fell into the pond with a splash.

Mousse hopped down to the ground beside the pond and pulled a net from the sleeve of his robe. "The things I do to avoid upsetting a client," he sighed to himself, fishing Ryoga and his clothes out of the pond. He threw the clothes behind a bush and tucked the net away just as Akane leapt over the wall.

"P-chan!" she shouted excitedly as she saw the pig in Mousse's arms.

Mousse obligingly handed Akane her pet. "I think the little guy's been looking for you," he said.

"Don't worry, baby," Akane cooed to Ryoga. "Mommy's back." She lifted her head and scanned the yard. "Where did Ryoga go?" she asked.

"He said he had some important plans and asked me to say goodbye for him," answered Mousse.

"Oh." Akane blinked. "Well, I'm sure he has his reasons." She pointed to a second-story window. "That's the window to Ranma's room. Try not to wake him up, okay?"

"He'll never know I was there," Mousse assured her. He leapt stealthily up to the indicated window, slid it silently open, and slipped soundlessly inside.

"Wow," said Akane. "He's good." She leapt up to her own still-open window and climbed into her room. "Well, P-chan, what do you say we get some sleep?"

"Bwee!" Ryoga agreed happily. It had been a hectic evening, but at last, it was over.

*************************************************

Mousse sighed despondently. It had been a boring night, and it was far from over.

He had plenty of time to reflect on what a bad idea it had been to agree to guard Ranma for the night; in fact, that was about all there was TO do with his time. Garrote wire cat's cradle had only been able to entertain him for so long, and now he was resorting to dagger juggling to keep himself occupied. And still, not a thing had happened to disturb Ranma and his father's peaceful slumber. Not even Genma's intolerable snoring was enough to rouse either of them, although Mousse had to fight the urge to thrust a dagger into the man's throat to shut him up.

"Akane's probably paranoid," said Mousse. "Nothing's going to happen to Ranma tonight." He caught one of the daggers and turned it around in his hand to thrust it down at Ranma's head. He stopped millimeters short of the target; but his caution turned out to be unnecessary, as Ranma had already rolled aside to avoid the strike before Mousse halted it. "Even asleep, he's got the most incredible reflexes I've ever seen," Mousse said admiringly.

Mousse's head jerked up as the window slid open. He caught the daggers that were still in the air and aimed them at the shadowed figure who had climbed into the room. "Hold it right there, Shampoo," he hissed. "I don't want to have to hurt you, but I can't let you touch Ranma."

"How dare you mistake me for that pajama-wearing woman?" demanded the intruder as he drew a familiar bokken. "I am Tatewaki Kuno, the -"

Mousse clapped a hand over Kuno's mouth. "Keep it down, you idiot! Do you want to wake Ranma up?"

"And how else do you suggest I smite him for his atrocities?" asked Kuno - respectfully lowering his voice to a harsh whisper.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but it's going to have to wait until morning," said Mousse. "I'm Ranma's acting bodyguard tonight, and that means nobody gets to Ranma unless it's through me."

"Delay me not with your babble!" warned Kuno, thrusting his bokken under Mousse's nose. "My time dwindles, and I dare not waste it flapping my tongue when by rights I should be swinging my sword!"

"What's your hurry?" Mousse asked teasingly. "Is your caviar getting cold?"

Kuno's teeth clenched in anger. "For your information, my sister lies captive in this demon Saotome's clutches! I will beat her out of him by force if I must!"

"Your sister?" Mousse scratched his head. "I haven't seen her, and I've been here all night."

"Do not deny the evidence of my own eyes, Amazon! Yon sleeper was sighted in my home this very night, spiriting Kodachi away in a cloud as black as his twisted heart!"

"Him?" Mousse glanced over at Ranma. "You really think he can do something like that?"

Kuno flicked Mousse's glasses with a finger. "MY vision is unquestionable. It was Ranma Saotome, the very same one whose magic has enslaved my pigtailed goddess and draws her to love women and not her beloved Upperclassman Kuno!"

"Pigtailed goddess? Love women?" Mousse shook his head sadly and pulled a glass of water from his sleeve. "Look, it's not magic. Just watch this and you'll understand everything."

Kuno knocked the glass from Mousse's hand with his bokken, spilling the water. "I shall not be diverted from my course!" he shouted. "Ranma Saotome must die!"

Mousse leapt backwards to stand between Kuno and Ranma, drawing a variety of sharp weapons. "Like I said before, if you want to get to Ranma, you're going to have to get past me first!"

Kuno's bokken punctuated the air as he struck a heroic pose, staring into space as he spoke. "Very well! By placing yourself between the blade of justice and the sleeping demon, you have proven yourself to be on the side of evil! For the honor of my beloved sister, I shall defeat you and reclaim her by force!" He glanced down to assess Mousse's reaction to his speech, but Mousse didn't seem the least bit intimidated. In fact, far from it. He had a giant grin on his face, and had put away all of his weapons, leaving his hands empty except for the end of a rope which stretched across the floor between the two fighters and wrapped around Kuno's arms and legs several times.

Kuno raised his free hand to point at the rope with trepidation. "What are you doing with that -" His phrase was cut short as Mousse yanked the rope taut, drawing Kuno's legs together and his arms to his sides. With a quick movement, Mousse tied a tight knot at Kuno's side, securing the bonds firmly.

Having finished his travail, Mousse plucked the bokken easily from Kuno's fingers, dropped it on the floor, and rubbed his hands together. "I'm afraid dramatic flair is no match for pure martial arts skill," he said condescendingly.

"Let me go, you deceitful cad!" demanded Kuno, tensing his muscles in a vain effort to break free. "Trapping me in the midst of accepting your challenge is cheating!"

"Cheating or not, you're the one who's tied up," Mousse pointed out.

Kuno sighed in defeat. "Very well, Amazon. I submit to your superior awareness tactics. For the time being, I shall retreat." He leapt up to the windowsill. "But mark my words; I will return on the morrow to destroy Ranma and extract my sister from his clutches!" Having issued his ultimatum, Kuno vaulted out the window, immediately lost his balance in midair, and plunged downward, landing flat on his face in the middle of the yard. He struggled briefly to rise to a standing position, but soon gave up and fell still. "That hurt, you know," he stated flatly.

Mousse stared down at Kuno's prone form for all of about thirty seconds before the sheer stupidity of his predicament gave Mousse a headache. He pulled his head back in the window and shut it. "What an idiot," he whispered under his breath as he returned to his vigil. Once again, the room fell into blissful silence... except for the annoying snoring, even louder now that Ranma's father was in panda form. Mousse groaned and plugged his ears. It was going to be a long night...

*************************************************

The alarm clock buzzed softly, rousing Kasumi from a troubled sleep. Her rude awakening at the hands of Ryoga the previous evening had not made her night any more restful, and what little sleep she'd managed had been filled with nightmares related to Ranma's troubles. As she reached over to turn off the alarm, she reflected on her future brother-in-law's strange behavior the day before. Upsetting Akane was nothing new to Ranma, but he didn't usually skip meals unless there was something seriously wrong. Yet, it wasn't her place to intrude in someone else's personal business. More importantly, there were morning chores to be completed, and spending her time worrying about Ranma would certainly not help her accomplish them!

Silently chiding herself for wasting her time lying abed, Kasumi climbed out of her bed, dressed herself, and went downstairs to begin preparing breakfast. As she passed through the dining room en route to the kitchen, a light snoring from the backyard caught her ear. She slid the back door open to find a body lying on the ground, securely tied up with a strong rope. Its head rose as the door opened, drawing a startled gasp from Kasumi. She timidly stepped down to the grass for a closer look at the body. "Are you all right?" she asked carefully.

"Such cheerful words can hardly begin to describe my torturous ordeal," replied the body.

Kasumi blinked in surprise. "You wouldn't be... Tatewaki Kuno? From Nabiki's class at school?"

"A most astute guess," confirmed Kuno.

"Well, it's very kind of you to stop by," Kasumi said with a smile, ignoring Kuno's uncomfortable-looking position. "I'm afraid the others aren't awake yet, but if you'd like, you can come inside to wait for them."

Kuno looked down at the ropes that bound him as if to make sure that they were still visible. Seeing that they were, he turned back to Kasumi. "I'm not sure you understand, madam. You see-"

"Oh, there's no need to call me 'madam,'" Kasumi interrupted. "Just 'Kasumi' is fine."

Kuno cleared his throat. "Be that as it may, Kasumi, -"

"Oh dear!" gasped Kasumi. "I nearly forgot; I need to start breakfast, or it'll never be ready in time!" She practically leapt up the stairs to the back door, then remembered her manners and turned back. "Would you like to join us? It would be no trouble to prepare an extra place at the table..."

"That won't be possible at the moment," began Kuno, "because -"

"Oh well," said Kasumi. "Feel free to let me know if you change your mind." With that, she slid the door closed, leaving Kuno alone in the yard.

"I would certainly not be averse to a bit of assistance in removing these ropes," Kuno called after her. When Kasumi failed to respond, he sighed heavily and returned to his brooding. "Sometimes, I wonder whether that woman sees aught but the nose before her eyes," he grumbled. His eyes turned skyward, gazing longingly toward Ranma's window. "Saotome... I will extract the price of this humiliation from you in blood!" He began to wriggle his way across the lawn like a worm. "No time to lie about like a tatami mat when there is revenge to be had!" In a single bound, he leapt up to his feet, only to fall right on his back again. "Then again, this may be more difficult than it first appears..."

*************************************************

Akane awoke the next morning to the familiar smell of breakfast... as well as the familiar sounds of breakfast...

"Hey, that sausage is mine!" Ranma shouted in a voice that carried all the way upstairs from the dining room.

"Ranma, as your father, I am your elder as well as your teacher," countered Genma. "Therefore, the last sausage should be mine!"

There was a brief pause, followed by a splash. "Ha!" laughed Ranma. "Now let's see you eat a sausage, Pops!" Genma merely growled sullenly in response, ending in a snap that sounded like a bamboo shoot being bitten in half.

Akane sat up in her bed and rubbed her eyes. "Breakfast is over already? Why didn't Kasumi wake me up?" She had a vague memory of Kasumi knocking on her door earlier in the morning, and herself mumbling something about needing a few more minutes to get out of bed, but she must have dozed off again. "Staying up late to get Mousse must have made me more tired than I thought," she decided. "Well, at least by the sounds of things, Ranma's back to normal. I guess he was right. All he needed was a good night's sleep and a decent meal."

As Akane swung her legs over the side of her bed, the figure crouching at the foot of the bed cleared its throat. Akane caught her breath and turned to look. "Mousse! What are you doing in my room?"

"Where else would I have waited once everyone else woke up?" he asked. "Your instructions were to make sure that Ranma didn't discover my presence. Obviously, I couldn't let anyone other than you see me, or else they'd tell him."

"Couldn't you have just left?" asked Akane.

Mousse shrugged. "I figured you'd want me to tell you what happened to Ranma during the night before I took off, but if you don't want to know..." He took a meaningful step toward the window.

"Wait!" called Akane. "Something happened to Ranma? What?"

Mousse beamed. "Nothing, with ME on the job, of course! But Kuno tried to break in and kill Ranma while he slept. Something about his sister being kidnapped..."

"He didn't hurt Ranma, did he?" Akane asked worriedly.

"Not yet," replied Mousse. "But he's still waiting in your backyard. Any second now..." He beckoned her to the window. "Just watch. This should be amusing."

"Amusing?" Akane repeated dubiously. She crossed to the window and looked down into the yard, where Kuno had finally managed to work himself into a standing position.

"At last, I stand tall!" shouted Kuno, wobbling unsteadily. "Now, I must find that wretch Sao-" His ultimatum was cut short as Ranma flew through the back door toward the koi pond, only to be intercepted in mid-flight by Kuno, knocking the kendoist to the ground once again.

Ranma leapt to his feet and brushed himself off. "Too bad, Pops. Looks like I'm not going to be a girl today, thanks to this -" His cocky air abruptly vanished as he looked down and recognized the object that had saved him from a dunking. "Kuno? What the heck are you doing here? And why are you tied up like that?" He crossed his arms indignantly. "Is this supposed to be some kind of sick joke?"

"Curse you, Saotome!" shouted Kuno, as he broke the ropes that bound him as if they were mere threads of a spider's web. "Prepare to taste the wrath of my deadly blade!"

Ranma nodded uncertainly. "Uh-huh. And just how hard did you hit your head again?"

"Stay thy mocking tongue, fiend!" spat Kuno. "Else I shall cut it from your throat and feed it to a passing mongrel!"

Akane backed away from the window. "I think Kuno's really serious! I don't think I've ever seen him so angry!"

Mousse nodded. "Yeah. He's mad enough now that he might have a chance against Ranma in a fight... if he had his sword."

"What happened to his sword?" asked Akane.

Mousse pulled the weapon in question from a sleeve. "He dropped it."

Meanwhile, Kuno was reaching behind his back for his bokken. "Curses!" he shouted. "My weapon is no more! You must have stolen it as you stole my sister!" He sniffed haughtily, then dropped into a fighting stance. "Very well! Then I shall smite you barehanded, Ranma Saotome!"

"You really sure you want to do that, Kuno?" asked Ranma. "Maybe we can talk this out."

"NO!" yelled Kuno as he charged at Ranma, swinging his fists. Ranma leapt out of the way, tagging the back of Kuno's head with his foot to send him crashing to the ground. Kuno immediately leapt to his feet. "I feel no pain!" he announced. "The thought of my beloved sister spurs me forward to victory!"

"You 'feel no pain' because I don't want to have to hurt you," Ranma informed him.

"Oh no!" gasped Akane. "He's acting weird again!" She darted back to the window and lifted a foot onto the sill. "I'd better get down there and break it up before someone really does get hurt!"

"Are you sure you want to go out there like that?" asked Mousse.

"If Ranma refuses to hurt Kuno, he's asking for a beating!" Akane pointed out.

"No, I mean..." Mousse pointed to Akane's clothing. "You're still in your pajamas."

Akane let out a sound that was a disquieting combination of an angry growl and an exasperated groan. "I'm beginning to think it would save me a lot of trouble if I just slept in my clothes..."

"You just need to change before going downstairs," Mousse reminded her. "It's not such a big -"

"Hurry up and get out of my room so I can change!" shouted Akane, punctuating her order with a sharp kick to Mousse's backside that sent him flying out the window. At that very moment, Kuno charged at Ranma again, only to be flung straight up into Mousse's trajectory by Ranma's counter-throw. The two bodies collided in mid-air, then fell earthward to land in the koi pond.

"Traitorous Amazon!" shouted Kuno as he wiped the water from his face. "You promised me no interference come morning!" He grabbed the robe floating in the water, only to discover that Mousse was no longer inside. "What is this? You would run away from a challenge? Have you no honor?"

"Quack," replied Mousse.

Kuno stared at the fowl blankly. "A duck in a koi pond? How unusual."

Ranma stepped to the edge of the koi pond and bent over Kuno. "Think maybe you've cooled down enough to talk this out?" he asked politely.

"Talk will accomplish nothing!" snapped Kuno, as an object fell from a fold of Mousse's robe and landed in the pond with a splash. "Aha!" Kuno scooped up the wet bokken and leapt out of the pond. "The blade of righteousness has returned to my hand, thus proving that it is I who am just and you who are wrong!" He leveled the bokken at Ranma's throat. "Now, return my sister to me at once, or I shall slay you where you stand!"

  



	5. 4: The Search for Kodachi Begins!

Ranma ½: A Deadly Choice

Chapter 4: The Search for Kodachi Begins!

Tatewaki Kuno's wooden blade dug into the flesh of Ranma's neck as the upperclassman climbed out of the Tendos' backyard koi pond, ignoring the water that dripped from his clothes and the fish that he'd managed to net in a fold of his shirt. "Return my sister to me this instant, Ranma Saotome, if your life holds any worth to you at all!"

Ranma sighed with exasperation. "Kuno, how can I put this so you'll understand? For one thing –" he grabbed Kuno's bokken between his finger and thumb and easily swung the point aside "- I really don't consider you a threat. For another, your sister isn't here."

"You dare lie to me?" shouted Kuno, yanking his sword out of Ranma's grip. "I saw you taking her with my own eyes!"

"If your sister WAS here, do you think I'd have a moment's peace?" asked Ranma. "Of course not! She'd be all over me with that insane laugh of hers even before you could wave that stick in my face!"

Kuno let his sword fall to his side as he considered Ranma's words. "It is true, my sister would never be able to restrain herself while the two of you resided in the same house..." The bokken sliced through the air millimeters beneath Ranma's nose. "Which means that you must have bound her within! Oh, my poor sister, helpless and unable to move at the hands of this evil one! Fear not! I shall free you from this prison!"

Ranma tilted his head to avoid the clumsy, fury-powered swings of Kuno's bokken. "Clue-a-gram for Kuno! Your sister ain't here!"

"Silence!" ordered Kuno as he moved toward Ranma, pressing a ferocious attack. "Stop playing the coward and fight back!"

Akane, now fully clothed, leapt from her bedroom window to land behind Ranma. "Ranma, you have to fight him, or you'll just be dodging forever!"

"And if I do beat him," countered Ranma, sidestepping a series of attacks, "he'll just attack me again as soon as he recovers. This won't be over until I can convince him that fighting me won't accomplish anything."

Akane rolled up her sleeve. "If you won't hit him, then I will!"

"Stay outta this, Akane!" barked Ranma. "This is between me and him!"

"I agree, Akane Tendo," Kuno said without pausing his attack. "Only by defeating Ranma by my own hand will I both rescue my dear sister and prove myself worthy of a date with you!"

"You'll never beat me, Kuno," said Ranma, taking another step to the side.

Kuno continued to move with Ranma, swinging his bokken with increasing fury but still failing to hit his mark. "And if you refuse to fight me, you cannot win!"

'What is he planning to do?' Akane thought, watching Ranma's movements carefully. He seemed to be moving somewhere with his sideways steps, but if he kept going in that direction, he'd hit... "Ranma, watch where you're going!" she shouted. "You'll fall into the pond!"

"I know!" he shouted back. "He can't hit me then, can he?"

"So, you are attempting to run away from our fight!" said Kuno, completely misinterpreting Ranma's intentions. He swiveled around to stand between Ranma and the koi pond. "There is no escape, cur! This fight will end in bloodshed, and it will not be mine!"

The dining room door slid open to admit Kasumi. "Excuse me, everyone!" she called to the fighters in the backyard. Noting that Kuno's sword was not currently swinging, she continued. "I don't mean to interrupt your battle, but we have a visitor who'd like to speak to Ranma!"

"Battle?" asked Ukyo as she followed Kasumi into the dining room. "What battle?" Her eyes settled on Ranma and Kuno as they resumed their fight. "Oh, no! Hang on, Ranma honey!" She hefted her oversized spatula and charged for the door, shrieking a battle cry fit for a true warrior princess.

"Stay back, Ukyo!" warned Ranma. "I can handle this myself!"

Ukyo stopped short only a few feet away. "Oh, it's just Kuno. Never mind, then." She holstered her spatula. "You definitely don't need my help." She watched the kendoist take a few more swings. "Although... you don't seem to be making much progress."

"He's not trying to beat Kuno," Akane explained in a worried tone. "He's trying to make Kuno see reason! He wants to TALK Kuno out of fighting!"

"In that case, all the help I could give wouldn't be enough!" said Ukyo. "What's gotten into your head, Ranma honey?"

"He's been like this ever since he got home last night," Akane told her. "I don't know what to do!"

"I see," said Ukyo. "Don't worry. I think I know what to do."

Meanwhile, Kuno continued to fight in total ignorance of Ukyo's arrival. "Stand your ground, knave, that I may slay you and recover my sibling!" he demanded.

"Kuno, do you honestly think attacking me is going to get you your sister back?" Ranma asked.

Kuno hummed to himself as he considered Ranma's question without letting his barrage of sword blows flag. "Yes!" he decided. "The sword of truth shall –"

The business end of Ukyo's spatula smashed into Kuno's face, knocking him to the ground, unconscious, before he could describe the intended noble exploits of his weapon. "That," she said triumphantly as she re-sheathed her own weapon, "is how to talk Kuno out of fighting."

Ranma stared down at the fallen Kuno and nodded thoughtfully. "I guess that would work too."

"I suppose a 'thank you' was too much to expect," Ukyo said glumly. "Anyway, what the heck were you thinking? Since when have you ever NOT wanted to pop Kuno a good one in the face?"

"Well, whether she's here or not, Kodachi is missing," Ranma pointed out. "And even if I don't like her all that much, I'm still kinda worried about her. I want to find out exactly what happened to her."

"Why would you care?" asked Ukyo, careful not to put the emphasis on the word "you". "I say good riddance!"

"Because if I don't get her back," replied Ranma, "I get to wake up every morning to THAT." He pointed at Kuno's dozing form.

"Good point," Ukyo admitted. "I guess maybe I shouldn't have hit him so hard, huh?"

"What are you going to do, Ranma?" asked Akane. "You can't reason with Kuno."

Ranma scratched his head. "I dunno. He's definitely no conversationalist. But pounding him isn't going to work either."

"Here, let me try something," offered Nabiki as she stepped out of the house.

Akane turned to stare at her sister in disbelief. "Nabiki? You want to help us? Why?"

"As amusing as this little show is, it's not helping my digestion," Nabiki explained. "Whatever it takes to get you people to take it elsewhere..." She dealt Kuno a sharp kick to the head. "Time to wake up, Kuno baby."

Kuno shook his head and groggily sat up. "What place is this?" he asked sleepily, looking around. "The Tendo Dojo? For what purpose could I have come –" His eyes fell on Akane. "Akane Tendo! Of course! It must be that I came hither for a date with you!"

Akane pounded him on the head. "Idiot! You came here because your sister was kidnapped!"

Kuno leapt to his feet. "Correct! I came to smite the infidel, Ranma Saotome!"

Ranma sighed heavily. "Haven't you had enough yet, Kuno?"

"Never!" shouted Kuno, brandishing his bokken. "I will have had enough when my sister stands before me, and not a moment sooner!"

"Then why don't you let Ranma help you find your sister?" suggested Nabiki. "Let him put that mindless determination to good use working FOR you instead of AGAINST you."

Ukyo hummed, impressed. "Good idea."

Kuno glared at Nabiki in indignation. "Accept aid from the very one who stole her? Perish the thought! My honor will never allow such an alliance!"

Nabiki shook her head in disgust. "Which is more important, your honor or your sister's life?"

Kuno scratched the back of his neck with his bokken as he considered the question. "Such a difficult choice... I must not trivialize this decision, lest the scorned party be offended at my slight."

"It was a rhetorical question," Nabiki interrupted. "I'll rephrase it: if you don't let Ranma help you find Kodachi, you'll probably never see her again."

"Blackmail!" shouted Kuno.

"It's not blackmail; it's an arrangement of convenience," corrected Nabiki. "You get help finding Kodachi from someone with an ounce of brains, and Ranma goes along with it to avoid having to put up with you any longer than necessary. Isn't that right, Ranma?"

Ranma nodded. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right?"

"Who are you to speak of enemies?" demanded Kuno. "It was you I saw fleeing from my sister's bedroom in a shower of her own rose petals!"

"But how could that be?" asked Akane. "Ranma was here all night! Mousse –" She quickly broke off before she could betray her own secret, but Ranma was already deeply contemplating.

"Somebody must be trying to frame me," he decided. "Somebody disguised themselves as me in order to make it look like I kidnapped Kodachi."

"Who would want to do that?" asked Ukyo.

Ranma shrugged. "Beats me. I've lost count of the number of people who hate me. But there must be better ways to get revenge than sending Kuno after me..."

"Do you continue to insult me?" asked Kuno. "Then certainly I cannot conspire with you!"

"Hey, I'm not thrilled with the idea either!" Ranma retorted. "But we're gonna have to work together if we want to find Kodachi, like it or not!"

"Not!" shouted Kuno. "A most bitter negative, I say! Tatewaki Kuno works with no one!"

"No one?" Nabiki asked slyly. "You wouldn't be saying that if it were AKANE asking you..."

Kuno's eyes lit up as he got completely the wrong idea from Nabiki's remark – just as Nabiki had intended. "Akane Tendo, you would help me locate my missing sister? Oh, what a joyous day!" He lifted Akane up and spun her around in a mock dance. "Surely the kidnap of my sister was not a curse, but a blessing to bring the two of us –"

Akane kicked him in the face and wiggled out of his grip. "I never agreed to go along with you!"

Ukyo grabbed Akane's shoulder and dragged her aside. "Akane, remember what happened to Ranma yesterday," she whispered. "Someone needs to watch him and make sure it doesn't happen again."

The agreement was halfway out of Akane's mouth before her suspicions brought her up short. This was the type of chance that Ukyo would normally leap at. Besides, Kuno wouldn't annoy the chef nearly as much as he would Akane. "Why can't you do it?" she asked suggestively, praying that Ukyo would take the bait. "I'm sure you'd have a good time."

"I've got a restaurant to run," replied Ukyo. "Besides, didn't Ranma say he wanted you to care about him? I know he'd appreciate you making this sacrifice on his behalf."

"And why would you be interested in helping me?" asked Akane.

"It's not about you," said Ukyo. "It's for Ranma's sake."

"For Ranma?" Akane repeated. The mention of his name brought out the memories of the strange way he had been acting since the previous afternoon. For all that it was disturbing, he had made her think quite a bit, questioning her own feelings for him. Sure, he was arrogant and often downright rude, but hadn't she come to forgive him for that? And what about Ukyo's advice? As much as it hurt to admit that her rival was right, she was in a bad spot. To watch Ranma as Ukyo had suggested would be... what? What was so objectionable about it? Ukyo was entitled to good ideas. Could Akane let her pride prevent her from doing what needed to be done? Could she let her pride hurt Ranma?

A voice broke through her meditation. "Come on, Akane," Ranma whispered, leaning over her shoulder. "If I can put up with a tomboy like you, you should be able to put up with Kuno."

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU AT ALL!" Akane shouted as she put the back of her fist through his face. That was pride! But even as she shouted it, she realized that it wasn't quite true. She did care about Ranma, despite his flaws. Of course she had to go along with him to keep him out of trouble. But first she had to come up with an excuse to accept Ukyo's advice without appearing to agree with Ukyo.... Sighing, she managed to calm herself. "But, if I don't go along, you and Kuno will be fighting here all day," she said at last. "So I guess I'd better go with you."

"Great!" said Nabiki, slamming her fist into her palm triumphantly. "Now, you'll want to start by searching at the scene of the crime."

"'You?'" repeated Akane. "Aren't you coming with us, Nabiki?"

Nabiki shook her head. "Sorry, but the Kuno mansion isn't exactly the venue of choice for someone who values her life as much as I do. You three can have just as much fun without me." She held up a finger. "Besides, I can sense a profitable situation in the vicinity. Business before pleasure, right?"

"Just make sure you take a break for lunch," Ukyo reminded Ranma. "After all, I came all the way here just to invite you back to the restaurant today. I want the lunch you missed yesterday, with interest." She winked slyly at him.

Ranma swallowed hard as he edged nervously away from Ukyo. "Sure thing, Ucchan. Wouldn't miss it for the world." He turned to the others. "So, shall we go?"

"Yes!" shouted Kuno, raising his bokken to the sky with one hand and grabbing Akane's wrist in the other. "Off with us now, Akane Tendo! Our destiny awaits!"

"This is a search, not a date, you moron!" Akane yelled as he ran for the front gate, dragging her behind him.

"You unhand her right now, Kuno, or the deal's off!" Ranma shouted as he chased the departing pair.

Soun took a sip from his teacup. "It's always nice to see them working together, eh, Saotome?" Genma turned his head at the sound of a splash coming from the bathroom, and the subsequent emergence of Ryoga, who charged into the backyard and leapt over the garden wall. Soun didn't even bat an eye.  


"I wonder if Ryoga wanted to help in the search too," said Kasumi. "But he wasn't going in the right direction..."

Nabiki ignored her older sister and her father as she crouched beside the koi pond, where Mousse had finally managed to climb over the rocks to reach dry land. "Say, how would you like some hot water?" she offered.

Mousse emphatically quacked his approval.

"Well, that depends," Nabiki said with a cruel note to her voice. "How much money will you have on you when you return to human form?"

*************************************************

Hikaru Gosunkugi paused in his reading to inhale deeply, once again taking in the wonderful aroma of his latest creation. "The world smells more delicious when everything's going your way!" he cackled gleefully. "Today is the day! My greatest voodoo recipe is almost complete, and with the ingredients I 'borrowed' from Kodachi Kuno, my plan can't possibly fail!" He put his finger to his lips. "That is, unless I make a mistake, or something goes wrong." On that note, he returned his full attention to the book in front of him, carefully reviewing the procedure he would follow.

The timer beeped, briefly diverting his attention from the book again. "Aha! They're ready!" He dashed across the kitchen to the oven, carefully opened the door with one hand while he grabbed the oven mitt with the other, and slid the baking sheet out. "My beautiful chocolate chip cookies," he said as he set the tray on the counter. "Soon, you'll have cooled enough to eat. And then, I will begin the final stage of my plan!" He dry-washed his hands and returned to the book and materials he had set out on the kitchen table. All that was left was to use the pictures he'd so painstakingly collected...

*************************************************

Kuno paused at the door to his sister's room. "We must take care in crossing the threshold," he warned. "My twisted sister trusts not even I with the nature of her security." He turned the doorknob and pushed the door open, reflexively ducking the swinging boom which continued on to barely miss Ranma and Akane, taking a few hairs off as it passed right over their heads. "How fortunate that it was aimed for my head," Kuno remarked casually. "Had it hit Akane, I would never have been able to forgive myself."

Akane shrieked belatedly. "What are you thinking? Couldn't you have warned us about that?"

Kuno quickly shushed her. "Please keep your voice down!" he begged. "My father has moved in with us since the school year ended, and likely sleeps at present. Should we awaken him, our heads will certainly be lighter upon our egress."

Ranma groaned. "Great. Nothing's ever easy." He crept into Kodachi's room, keeping his eyes peeled for additional traps. The room was in such disarray, however, that anything could have been hidden invisibly even in plain sight. Most of Kodachi's possessions had been thrown from shelves and dresser tops onto the floor, which was ankle-deep in black rose petals. The lifeless stems of the rose vines that had shed those petals covered most of the walls, except where the pins that held them up had been torn out and allowed the vines to sag, revealing black rose patterned wallpaper beneath. "She's obsessed," noted Ranma.

"We have to find some kind of clue," said Akane. "Something to show who did this, or where they might have taken Kodachi..."

"Whoever it was, they sure took the time to mess this place up," said Ranma, picking up a picture frame that was half-buried in the rose petals. He took one look at his own smiling mug and dropped it facedown. "Maybe they were trying to cover their tracks? Bury the clues?"

"There has to be something!" protested Akane as she pushed a pile of Kodachi's possessions and rose petals off of the bed. "Just keep looking."

"Perhaps in the closet," Kuno wondered aloud, sliding the door open. A boxing glove on a spring popped out of one of the shelves and smacked him in the stomach.

"Ah, ah, ah, dear brother!" laughed Kodachi's voice from the depths of the closet as Kuno fell to his knees, clutching his stomach in pain. "You know better than to pry at my private possessions!"

Ranma carefully reached around the door and pulled out a tape recorder, pressing the stop button to silence Kodachi's insane cackling. "Nice work, Kuno. Keep sniffing out those traps for us."

"Hey, Ranma, take a look at this!" called Akane from the far side of the room where Kodachi's dresser stood. "One of the drawers isn't quite closed!"

Ranma waded through the rose petals to the dresser and stared at the slightly ajar top drawer. "Hmmm... maybe there's something important inside."

"I would not advise touching that drawer," said Kuno. "Yon compartment houses my sister's most nether garments, and she protects it most fiercely."

"And how would you know that?" Ranma asked casually.

Kuno cleared his throat. "Never mind that!" he snapped. "I simply cannot allow the opening of that drawer!"

Ranma shrugged and returned his attention to the drawer. "There's gotta be a clue in there..."

"Ranma, I have an idea," announced Akane. She handed Ranma a gymnastic ribbon. "I found this lying on the floor. You can use it to open the drawer from across the room."

Ranma quickly wound the end of the ribbon around the handle of the drawer and stepped around the bed. "Everybody duck," he warned. "We don't know what will happen." Akane obligingly crouched next to him, while Kuno scrabbled his way under the bed. Once he was satisfied that everyone was as safe as they could be, Ranma gave the ribbon a sharp jerk, pulling the drawer out in a single smooth motion. He heard a series of loud snaps, followed by the soft sound of the drawer landing in the thick pile of rose petals, and then silence.

"I wonder what kind of trap that was," whispered Akane.

"Mousetraps," replied Kuno's muffled voice from under the bed. "It seems that this area too is off-limits."

Ranma peered over the bed. "Then there were no traps on the drawer?"

"It was already open when we got here," Akane reminded him. "Maybe someone already set them off."

"Hmmm..." Ranma stepped around the bed to examine the fallen drawer and its contents. However, the only things on the floor in front of the dresser were the drawer itself and the ubiquitous rose petals. "That's weird. The drawer was empty."

"Empty?" repeated Akane. "Why would she keep that drawer empty?"

"Maybe she keeps her panties somewhere else," suggested Ranma. He strode to the dresser and opened the remaining drawers one at a time. "Nope... no... no panties here." He picked the empty drawer up and slid it back into its place. "This was her panty drawer, all right. But there's nothing in it now."

"Do you think whoever kidnapped Kodachi stole her underwear too?" asked Akane.

"It's a possibility," agreed Ranma. "Which pretty much narrows it down to one stinky old goat."

"But Happosai doesn't look anything like you," Akane noted. "How could Kuno mistake him for you?"

"It was – ungh!" Kuno grunted as he hauled himself out from under the bed, the mousetraps affixed to his clothes and skin catching on the bed frame with every movement. "It was not Happosai I saw; of that I am certain!"

"I admit it's a long shot," said Ranma, "but I can't think of anyone else who'd risk the booby traps to clean out Kodachi's panty drawer. Even if Happosai's not the one who kidnapped her, he must have been in here pretty recently. Maybe he knows something, or spotted a clue while he was here."

"Well, it's the best lead we've got right now," conceded Akane. "I suppose we could try to find him..."

Kuno finally managed to pull himself to his feet. "I reiterate: Happosai is not the one we need to find!"

"If this lead doesn't work out, we'll have to keep searching Kodachi's room," Ranma pointed out, pulling the mousetrap off of Kuno's nose and handing it to him.

Kuno rubbed his aching nose tenderly. "Very well. Then let us be off to see Happosai."

"It's not that easy," said Akane. "He left a few days ago and didn't tell anyone where he was going."

Ranma nodded. "We'd have to find him first."

"Would that loyal Sasuke had returned from his search for Kodachi..." mused Kuno.

"I HAVE returned," announced the squat ninja from the doorway, where he was kneeling with his head down. "I've been looking all over the house for you, but I never dreamed you'd be in Mistress Kodachi's bedroom!"

"We're looking for clues to who kidnapped Kodachi," explained Akane.

Surprised by the unexpected voice, Sasuke's head snapped to attention. "Akane Tendo? You're here too?" His eyes scanned the room. "And Ranma Saotome!" He stood up and looked inquisitively at Kuno. "You didn't tell me you were expecting guests, Master Kuno!"

"Must I apprise you of my every decision, Sasuke?" Kuno asked impatiently.

"Oh, no, Master Kuno!" said Sasuke, nearly banging his head on the floor with fevered bowing.

"We ain't got time for you two to play Upstairs, Downstairs," said Ranma. "We have to find the old freak!"

"Old freak?" asked Sasuke. "But I thought you were searching for Mistress Kodachi!"

Kuno sighed. "Yes, 'tis true that we seek my sister. But we are led to believe that her whereabouts might be known to the one called Happosai."

"Ah, yes, him." Sasuke nodded. "I had the chance to encounter him as I searched the city earlier."

"Then you know where he is?" Akane asked excitedly.

"He's renting an apartment in Juuban," replied Sasuke. "I could lead you there, if you'd like."

"Hold your tongue, Sasuke," ordered Kuno. "I have a better idea. You will lead us to this Happosai's apartment."

"A brilliant suggestion, master," agreed Sasuke with a deep bow.

"Don't you ever get tired of sucking up to him?" Ranma mumbled under his breath.

"Very well, then!" said Kuno. "Hie we to Happosai!" He strode boldly toward the door, only to vanish into a trapdoor that opened beneath his feet, screaming all the way to the bottom.

Principal Kuno poked his head into the room cautiously. "Aloha! Me think me hear noise in here, and look what me find! It be Ranma Saotome and his lil' wahine, Akane Tendo! How ya been, keiki?"

"We really don't have time to chat," said Akane, glancing longingly at the trapdoor. "You see, Upperclassman Kuno..."

"Oh, me poor lil' Tacchi!" wailed Principal Kuno, instantly bursting into tears. "He done run off left his poppa behind! And Kodachi gone too! What me to do?"

"Oh, don't cry, Master," urged Sasuke. "Your son and his friends are looking for Mistress Kodachi as we speak. I'm sure they'll find her in no time!"

"Me hope so..." bawled the Principal. "She didn't even stop for a haircut befo' she left! What she gonna do wit' hair dat long?"

A hand reached up out of the trapdoor and grabbed the floor, followed shortly by the rest of Tatewaki Kuno. "Good morning, father," he said breathlessly. "Out for a morning trim?"

Principal Kuno adjusted his sunglasses. "Tacchi boy... you ain't gonna go look for ya sista wit' ya hair lookin' like dat, are ya?"

"Father..." Kuno began as he tried to edge his way past the large man who was blocking the entire doorway.

"Actually, I think I could use a haircut," Ranma offered.

Akane's eyes bugged out of her head. "WHAT?"

The Principal clasped his hands in joy. "Ya mean it?"

Ranma nodded. "Yep." He sat in a chair beside the wall and flipped his pigtail over its back. "Just make sure it's nice and short."  


"Oh happy day!" cheered the Principal. "De keiki finally learn ta appreciate de short haircut!" He gleefully produced an electric razor from some mysterious location about his person and skipped over to the chair. "Now, where ta begin?"

As the razor descended, Ranma slid under it and off of the chair, which flipped backwards into the wall along with the entire floor around it, tipping the Principal into the mysterious space behind the wall. "That should keep him busy for a while," Ranma announced triumphantly, wiping his palms together. "Now, let's get the heck out of here before we find any more traps!"

"Don't worry, Master Kuno!" Sasuke shouted to the now-empty wall. "Once we find Mistress Kodachi, I'll come back to rescue you!"

"Hurry up, lil' Sasuke!" the Principal's voice echoed as the party quickly vacated Kodachi's room. "Me don't much care fo' de dark!" A few moments passed, during which the Principal got no response. "Aloha? Anybody dere?" He sighed. "What me wouldn't give for a nice cold pina colada..."

*************************************************

"And so they're on their way to see Happosai?" repeated Cologne, recapping the last part of the report. The dark cloud in front of her shifted slightly in response. "Good. Then they aren't even close to the truth." She hummed her satisfaction. "In that case, forget about the orders I gave you before. I want you to keep Ranma away from the restaurant today."

"Understood," said the cloud. It swirled around the kitchen once before flowing out through the cracks around the back door. A few wisps of black smoke hung in its wake even after it had gone.

Cologne waved her staff to disperse the last lingering traces of the cloud. "This could turn out to be very interesting," she said to herself. "Thanks to Kodachi's disappearance, they've forgotten all about son-in-law's strange behavior. If our luck holds out, they may not realize what's happening until it's too late to prevent it. And of course, the next kidnapping is a guaranteed success..." She chuckled. "Who would have ever believed that a simple book could be the key to winning son-in-law's heart?"

The door to the restaurant opened a crack. "Great-grandmother, is demon gone?" Shampoo asked timidly.

"Of course, dear," replied Cologne. Shampoo slipped into the room and closed the door firmly behind her. "What do you want?"

"Shampoo want make sure plan work. Want make sure Ranma will love Shampoo."

Cologne frowned. "I'm not sure that's wise just yet. We don't want to make anyone suspicious."

"Why you worry so much?" asked Shampoo. "You say Ranma not know about what we doing to him."

"He will rationalize all of his behavior internally," Cologne explained, "but those around him might realize that something is wrong, and if they do, they may come to us for answers." She shook her head. "No, I'm afraid that you had best stick to the plan as we agreed for the time being. We'll wait a bit longer before testing the waters."

"But-"

"No buts, Shampoo," Cologne interrupted, climbing to the top of her staff to pat Shampoo on the head. "Just have patience, child. Ranma will be yours soon enough."

Shampoo snarled inwardly as Cologne hopped out into the restaurant. "Have patience, she say. Shampoo already wait so long! What if book no work? Then what happen? Shampoo only want make sure before we waste any more time on useless plan!" She sighed and turned toward the kitchen door... then turned back to the string of fish sausages that had caught her eye on the way. "If nobody find out, then it okay, right?" Stifling the traditional nonchalant whistle, Shampoo grabbed the fish sausages and a bucket of cold water and slipped out the back door.

*************************************************

Happosai eagerly turned another page. "Now that's the stuff!" he cheered, bouncing up and down in joy on the bed. "This book may very well be my ticket to true happiness. After all, who needs panties when I can have THIS?" He cackled gleefully as he pored over his new book.

His cackling died instantly, however, at the sound of voices in the stairwell. "Are you sure this is where the old freak is?" asked Ranma. "It looks way too high class."

"What is HE doing here?" Happosai grumbled. "I certainly can't let Ranma find this. Imagine what would happen if he were to get his hands on it..." He hopped off of the bed and shoved the book under the mattress. "You'll be safe there, my treasure."

The expected knock on the front door came shortly. Happosai was halfway to the door before he heard the accompanying shout. "Grandfather Happosai? Are you there?" He froze. That was Akane's voice! His eyes crossed the room to where his latest trophy dominated the display on his wall. The pink panties had required extensive sterilization after absorbing Ryoga's sweat to the saturation point, but they were still distinctively former denizens of Akane's underwear drawer. If Akane were to see them, she'd go on a rampage that not even the greatest secrets of Anything-Goes Martial Arts would be able to stop! Still, she didn't even know he was home...

Much louder banging interrupted his train of thought. "Open this door immediately, or I shall be forced to break it down!" shouted Kuno from outside.

"Calm down!" Akane urged him. "We're not here to make any accusations!"

"I will not be held back!" Kuno shouted. While the rhythmic pounding grew louder and louder as Kuno put his shoulder to work on the door, Happosai grabbed the panties from the wall and thrust them under the mattress with the book. He then raced to the door and opened it, causing Kuno to charge right through and fall to the floor.

"See, I told you to be patient," Akane admonished him.

"So nice of you to drop by," Happosai said sourly. "What brings you this far from home?"

Kuno was on his feet in an instant, his bokken leveled at Happosai's throat. "Return my sister to me at once, or –"

Happosai calmly grabbed the bokken and flipped Kuno into the wall. "Someone else explain. I'm not in the mood for games today."

"Kuno's sister's gone missing," explained Ranma.

Happosai snorted. "Bah. Never cared for her much anyway."

"We have to find her," Akane put in. "Whoever kidnapped her is trying to frame Ranma for it."

"Well, that narrows down the list of suspects to half of Tokyo," said Happosai. "Of course, I expect I'm on that list, if you've tracked me all the way out here."

"Bingo," said Ranma. "So, what do you know about it?"

"Not a thing," replied Happosai. "Now, would you mind picking up your brainless friend and leaving me alone? I didn't rent this apartment just to bring all the distractions from home with me."

"Then why DID you rent this apartment?" asked Akane, as Kuno groaned and started to stand up.

"The answer to your question, dear Akane, is clear to mine eyes," said Kuno. "The ancient one has something to hide from us. We must search from top to bottom, leaving no stone unturned!"

"You can't just barge into my apartment and start tearing the place apart!" protested Happosai.

"Then I wish merely to examine yon bed," said Kuno. "The mattress is out of place, suggesting that something incriminating be hidden within."

"You don't think I hid Kodachi Kuno under my mattress, do you?" asked Happosai, as sweat beaded on his forehead.

"Of course not," said Ranma, sliding toward the bed. "But something else went missing, and it would fit just perfectly under a mattress..."

Happosai sighed. "OK, fine. You caught me. There is something under the mattress that I didn't want you to see. But it's mine! It has nothing to do with Kodachi or any of you!"

"Pray let us be the judges of that," said Kuno.

Happosai shrugged. "All right. You asked for it." He reached under the mattress and pulled out the least incriminating of the two items he'd stashed there. "This book hasn't even hit the public market yet, and most likely never will. A friend of mine asked me to look it over before he tried publishing it. That's why I got this apartment in the first place; so I could do my reading in private."

"You read?" asked Ranma. "That's a surprise."

"Well, of course!" Happosai replied defensively. "It's important to stimulate the intellect as well as –"

"I would see this book," said Kuno, plucking it from Happosai's hands.

"But you can't -!" Happosai protested, as Kuno opened the book to a random page.

"Aha!" shouted Kuno, jabbing his finger into the page. "So this is what you planned to do to my –" His voice trailed off as he realized exactly what he was looking at. His face turned bright red, his eyes bulged out of his head, and his jaw dropped to his waist. "Gah... gah..."

"I tried to warn you," Happosai said, shaking his head sadly. "You young people just don't listen." He retrieved the book and wiped the drool stains off on his sleeve before returning it to its hiding place under his mattress.

"So let me get this straight," said Ranma. "You rented an apartment way out here so you could look at dirty pictures?"

Happosai nodded firmly. "Now, I hope you're satisfied. So, if you wouldn't mind -"

"Just a minute," Ranma interrupted. "We know you've been in Kodachi's room."

"What are you talking about this time?" asked Happosai.

"Kodachi's underwear drawer was empty," Ranma explained. "And since women's underwear always seems to end up in your grubby hands one way or another..."

Happosai shook his head. "Nope. As much as it pains me to think that so many prime pieces are unaccounted for, I don't know anything about them."

Before Ranma could respond, he was interrupted by Sasuke clearing his throat. "I know what happened to Mistress Kodachi's underclothes. Today is Mistress Kodachi's laundry day, so I took them to be washed early this morning." He scratched his chin. "In fact, I think they're finished now. I should probably attend to them."

"Why didn't you tell us that before?" Akane asked indignantly.

"You never mentioned the reason you wanted to see Master Happosai," Sasuke pointed out. "All you asked me to do was lead you here."

"So, if you're quite through..." Happosai said meaningfully.

"Yeah. I guess coming here was a waste of time." Ranma grabbed Kuno's wrist. "Come on, Kuno. Let's get the heck out of here."

Kuno leapt to life instantly. "Unhand me, demon! Thou'll not take me so easily as my sister!"

Ranma groaned. "For the last time, Kuno, it wasn't ME you saw last night!"

"Ha! Even the blackest cloud cannot hide your true aspect, Ranma Saotome!"

"What black cloud are you talkin' about, Kuno?" asked Ranma.

"The one that came to my sister's room this past eve and stole her from me!" Kuno replied as if it were obvious. "The one which took your very form to cover its escape! Yet I was not fooled for an instant by its disguise, for it was truly you, was it not?"

Happosai scratched his wrinkled chin. "A black cloud that took Ranma's form, eh?"

"Do you know something about it?" Akane asked hopefully.

Happosai glared at Ranma and Kuno. "If I tell you, will you leave me in peace?"

"Hey, I'm not exactly fond of bein' around you either," returned Ranma. "Spit it out already, old man!"

"Very well," said Happosai. "It all began in China, many long years ago..."

************************...

Ranma smacked Happosai on the head. "We ain't got time for a flashback!"

"Fine," Happosai said as he rubbed his head. "The short version it is, then.

"I happened one day to come upon a village with very few men, not far from the Joketsuzoku village where Cologne lived. I was drawn to the village by the allure of so many eligible ladies, but they urged me to leave, warning of a dangerous demon that took the form of a beautiful woman from the village only to lure men to their deaths, spiriting them away in a cloud of black mist. Naturally, being a martial artist, I volunteered to destroy the monster and save the villagers."

"The fact that they were all women had nothing to do with it?" asked Ranma.

"Nothing," affirmed Happosai. "So, I stayed in the village that night and waited for the demon to come. And come it did. The villagers had naturally understated the beauty of the human form the demon had chosen. When I laid eyes on it, I was overcome by its devastating looks, heaving bosom, and delightfully round hips, and very nearly succumbed to its spell. Fortunately, I managed to keep my wits about me, and after a very long and difficult battle, I sent it fleeing from the village, never to return."

"A long and difficult battle, my foot," Ranma interrupted. "More like you tried to feel her up, and she was repulsed by the incredible power of your perversion."

Happosai lowered his face and cleared his throat guiltily. "Shows how much you know."

"So you think that demon kidnapped Kodachi?" asked Akane.

"Not the same demon," Happosai corrected her. "But it sounds like the same type. Of course, I don't know much about it in any case. Cologne could probably tell you more."

"Cologne?" Akane repeated.

"She's the elder of a village not far from where I encountered the demon," explained Happosai. "It's possible that she's dealt with similar demons in the past, or the tribe's history includes some stories that might tell you something about it."

Akane shook her head, remembering her suspicions about Cologne. "I don't think we can trust Cologne," she said.

"Ah, what's the old ghoul got that I can't handle?" Ranma asked boastfully.

"I think she and Shampoo might be the ones making you act so –" Akane trailed off, unsure whether it would be a wise idea to bring up Ranma's strange behavior and risk offending him.

Ranma, however, contemplated her partial declaration carefully. "Right... Shampoo was acting weird yesterday too. I should probably stay away from her and Ryoga for a while." Before Akane could ask where Ryoga's name had come from, he continued: "So, who CAN we go to?"

Kuno scoffed. "If you truly wish to chase nonexistent demons, there is only one person I can fathom who might conspire with us in that endeavor: Hikaru Gosunkugi."

"Gosunkugi?" asked Ranma. "That creepy guy from school with the straw dolls?"

"Of course!" Akane cheered. "He's really into all that weird voodoo stuff!"

"Demons aren't voodoo," Ranma pointed out. "But I guess it can't hurt to ask."

"At the very least," added Akane, "he might be able to tell us something about that type of demon that might help us track it down."

"Then you truly think that Gosunkugi knows about the demon that kidnapped my sister?" Kuno asked eagerly.

"Well, it's a possibility..." Akane began.

"Then off with us!" shouted Kuno, striding out the door with his bokken held high. "We will wrest my sister from the clutches of the beast Gosunkugi!"

Ranma followed close behind. "Kuno, let me explain something to you about 'investigation...'"

Akane started to follow them, but turned to stare at something that had caught her eye. "Say... under the mattress... isn't that...?"

"What?" Happosai quickly shoved the panties back into hiding. "Just an old sheet I keep under there for emergencies. Nothing you'd need to worry about."

"What kind of emergen-" Akane paled. "Never mind! I don't want to know!" She ran for the door and slammed it behind her on her way out.

"Well, that's the last of them," Happosai said to himself once she was gone. "Nosy kids. I might as well just move back to the Tendo Dojo. Obviously there's no less privacy, and I don't have to pay rent!" He fished his book from under the mattress and opened it with shaking hands. "Console me, my beauties! Remind me of why life is worth living anymore!"

The sound of heavy breathing filled the room as Happosai flipped through the pages. He angrily slammed the book closed, reached over his shoulder to grab Sasuke by the shirt, and opened the window just enough to throw the ninja out before recovering the fallen tome. "Yep," he said decidedly. "Tomorrow, I'm going back to the dojo."

*************************************************

Nabiki did her best to turn as the dining room door slid open and Kasumi stepped through en route to the kitchen. "Hello, Nabiki," her older sister said with a smile. "Lunch isn't ready quite yet. I was just about to start preparing it."

Nabiki groaned. Of all the people to come to her rescue... "Kasumi, does anything seem odd to you? Is anything about this situation... a bit unusual?"

Kasumi scanned the room carefully. "Oh dear. Did I forget to put the placemats on the table?"

"I was referring to myself!" snapped Nabiki, doing her best to rein in her temper despite the blood rushing to her head. "Specifically, the fact that I've been tied up and hung upside down from the ceiling!"

"Oh, you're right," agreed Kasumi. "That does seem rather odd, now that you mention it. I saw Tatewaki Kuno tied up in the backyard earlier this morning, so I thought perhaps it was the latest fad." She smiled and chuckled. "But that would be a rather silly fad, wouldn't it?"

Nabiki sighed. "Okay, having established that I'm NOT dangling here in the interest of modern fashion, do you think you could lend me a hand?"

"Oh, certainly." Kasumi walked around Nabiki, examining the cocoon of ropes that bound her. "These ropes do look good on you, Nabiki. They really bring out your figure well. Have you considered –"

"KASUMI!"

Kasumi blushed. "Sorry. Let me just get a knife from the kitchen to cut you down."

"Thank you," Nabiki whispered mostly to herself as Kasumi vanished into the kitchen.

The elder sister returned seconds later wielding a large carving knife. "Now, let's see here..." She climbed onto the table and began to saw at the ropes. "My, this is a strong rope! Where did you get it?"

"It's Mousse's," replied Nabiki. "He turned out to be a better bargainer than I expected."

"You mean Mousse tied you up like this?" asked Kasumi. "Why didn't you call for help?"

"The day I call for help will be the day I die," Nabiki said darkly.

"I'm not sure that's the case," countered Kasumi. "After all, if you were dead, you'd hardly be in a position to call for help."

"You know what I meant," Nabiki said, letting her exasperation show. "It's kind of embarrassing..." She trailed off as she felt herself begin to sway discomfortingly. She tried to look toward her feet, but couldn't quite bend in the necessary way. "Kasumi, which rope are you cutting –"

The rope holding Nabiki's feet to the ceiling snapped as Kasumi sliced the last threads, dumping Nabiki onto the table. She landed on her head, the rest of her body swinging down to hit the floor in short order. "Oops," said Kasumi apologetically. "I should probably have cut that part last, shouldn't I?"

Nabiki groaned in pain and rolled over onto her back. "Never mind, Kasumi. Just finish cutting these ropes, will you?"

"Right!" For once, Kasumi set to the important task without dithering further.

"I WILL make you pay for this humiliation, Mousse," Nabiki swore under her breath as her bonds loosened. "Just you wait."

*************************************************

"Do we have to go over this again, Kuno?" Ranma asked impatiently as the trio exited the subway station. "One more time: Why do you think we're going to Gosunkugi's house?"

"We seek the advice of Gosunkugi pursuant to the whereabouts of my sister," Kuno repeated dutifully. "But he himself lacks the knowledge of where she is, or who has taken her."

"That's right," affirmed Akane.

"Yet we believe that his aid will lead us to her?"

"Right again!" cheered Akane.

"Then we go not to accuse him of kidnapping, but to gain" – he struggled for a few seconds – "useful information that may hasten our search."

"Finally," sighed Ranma. To himself, he mumbled, "The entire trip, just to drill it into Kuno's head that Gosunkugi isn't the kidnapper! What a moron!" At that moment, something on the edge of his awareness tugged at his senses, but the feeling was too vague for him to put a name to it until he felt something land on his shoulders, and a heavy smell of fish rose to his nostrils. A necklace of fish...

Ranma screamed and backed up against a wall as a swarm of cats darted out of an alley to surround him, clawing at his legs and even climbing on top of each other in an attempt to get at the delicious treats that he was wearing. "Shoo! Get away, stupid c-c-c-caaaaa..."

"Ranma, what are you –" Akane began before turning to see Ranma's predicament. "Oh no! Hang on, Ranma! Don't move!"  


"Are you kidding? Where would I go?"

Kuno hummed thoughtfully. "If memory serves me correctly, Saotome has quite a fear of cats, does he not?"

"We have to get rid of them!" shouted Akane. "If Ranma gets too scared, he'll go crazy!"

Meanwhile, Ranma was breathing heavily, not taking his eyes off of the mass of fur at his feet. "I've gotta calm down. They're just c-c-cats. Little fluffballs with claws... and teeth..." He swallowed. "They're little. They're too tiny to be dangerous. Why should I be afraid of them?"

Akane began to wade into the clump of cats, but Ranma held up a hand to warn her off. "It's okay, Akane," he said. "I can deal with this. They're after the fish, not me." He calmly reached up and lifted the necklace over his head, then casually tossed it into the next block. The cats immediately chased after it, except for a single tabby that lingered behind, entranced by the smell of fish that still clung to Ranma's neck. He picked the cat up off the ground and scratched it behind the ears. "See? You're not scary, are you? You were just hungry." The cat licked his neck, and a shudder ran down Ranma's spine, causing him to quickly drop the animal and back away. "Then again, maybe we'd better go, eh, Akane?"

Akane nodded, too shocked to do anything else. She waited until Ranma had walked past before grabbing Kuno's sleeve. "Did you see that?" she whispered.

"It would appear that Saotome has overcome yet another weakness," assessed Kuno.

"Yeah," agreed Akane. "Now I'M the one who's afraid."

"Of cats?" asked Kuno, as confused as ever.

"No, of what's happening to Ranma." Akane's voice took on an odd chill as she explained. "Mr. Saotome once said that Ranma can never get over his fear of cats. But if he's conquered that fear..."

"Hey, what's taking you guys so long?" Ranma called back as if nothing had happened.

"Oh, Ranma..." whispered Akane worriedly. "What's wrong with you?"

Shampoo purred contentedly to herself as she watched from the rooftops. It seemed that her great-grandmother's plan would work after all. Satisfied, she turned around and headed back toward the Cat Café. Had she lingered just a few seconds longer, though, she would have noticed the dark figure trailing the group below as they made their way to Gosunkugi's house; and had she then watched it long enough to wonder what its business was, she would have seen the even darker figure that was following it.

  
  
  



	6. 5: A Recipe for Love

Ranma ½: A Deadly Choice

Chapter 5: A Recipe for Love is an Invitation for Disaster

Gosunkugi beamed at the lifelike doll in his hands. In sharp contrast to the bundles of straw he normally produced, this was a masterpiece of craftsmanship. The cloth had exactly the same texture as human skin, albeit a bit smooth, which he felt was only appropriate for the subject. The doll's clothes could have been an authentic Furinkan High girls' uniform after a nasty encounter with a shrinking ray, and the perfect lengthened bowl cut of dark hair framed a face that the ancient dollmakers would have killed for the skill to paint. And it wasn't just because it was well-detailed, either; Akane Tendo's face in any form was a work of art worthy of any master. He would have to compliment her parents sometime.

But that would have to wait. Right now, there was more important business to take care of. He tucked the doll carefully into the crook of his arm as he pushed the ladder into position in front of the door. Biting down on a hammer and nail, he climbed to the top of the ladder, running over the plan again in his mind. Having created the doll from his extensive collection of photographs had only been the first step. His book had given the complete recipe for a successful relationship. By hanging the doll directly above the front door, it would ensure a visit from the one he loved. And then a white pin in its heart, combined with a dose of his special potion, would seal her affection for him forever.

Carefully, he set the doll down on the top step and leaned on the ladder while he readied the hammer and nail in his hands. A few sharp raps, and the nail was buried just deep enough in the top of the doorframe, protruding at a slight upward angle to better support its precious burden. "And now, the final touch," he said aloud as he lifted the doll into place, slipping the short loop of string on its back over the head of the nail. "Now to get ready for Akane's visit!"

Before he could start to descend the ladder, the doorbell rang. "Akane, is that you?" he asked tentatively, staring at the doll in disbelief. It couldn't be! The magic couldn't have worked THAT quickly!

But it had. "That's right. How did you know it was me?" Akane asked from the far side of the door. "Do you have hidden cameras out here?" she continued after a slight nervous pause.

"Oh, no, nothing like that!" he called to her, trying to remember what he was supposed to be doing. Oh, right. The doll and the pin. And getting down from the ladder. He snatched the doll off the nail and started down the ladder without looking as he readied the pin between his fingers. Halfway down, his foot missed the step and went right between the rungs, causing him to lose his balance and fall backwards, pulling the ladder down on top of himself with a loud crash.

"What was that noise?" Akane asked. "Are you all right in there?"

"Just fine," Gosunkugi assured her as he pushed the ladder aside, attempting to disentangle himself from it and stand up. "One minute, please! I'll be right there!" He kicked free of the ladder at last and leapt to his feet, holding the doll in one hand and the pin in the other. His hand seemed to have warmed the pin enough that he could no longer feel the cold metal between his fingers, but... now that he took the time to rub his fingers together, they did feel strangely empty all of a sudden.... He looked down, only to confirm the worst. The pin was gone!

There was a very insistent banging on the door as Hikaru's eyes scanned the floor, searching for the pin. It couldn't have vanished completely. It had to be somewhere! Maybe under the ladder....

"Hikaru, what's going on in there?" asked Akane. "Do you need help with something?"

"No!" he shouted just a bit too forcefully. He couldn't let Akane catch him with the doll, or everything would be ruined! Thinking quickly, he tucked the doll into the back of his pants, kicked the ladder aside, and flung the door open. "Akane!" he cried. "What a surprise to see –" he stopped suddenly as he noticed who was accompanying her "- Ranma and Upperclassman Kuno..." he finished dejectedly.

"Yeah, thrilling as always," Ranma said sarcastically. "We're not here for a friendly visit, Gosunkugi. We've got a few questions for you."

Gosunkugi swallowed nervously. Ranma's tone sounded harmless enough, but nothing that he'd ever said to Gosunkugi had failed to result in far more trouble than it was worth. "Heh heh," he chuckled. "I suppose I can spare you a few minutes. Won't you –"

"Move aside, worm," Kuno said as he pushed Gosunkugi rudely on his way into the house. "I have remained without long enough."

"- come in?" Gosunkugi finished unnecessarily as Ranma and Akane followed in Kuno's footsteps.

"I hope we're not interrupting anything," said Akane. She wrinkled her nose. "What is that smell?" she asked.

Kuno and Ranma sniffed at the air. "Yeah, something sure smells good!" Ranma agreed.

"Good?" Akane took another sniff and nearly gagged. "What's wrong with your nose, Ranma? It smells like a public bathroom in here!"

"I smell naught but the wondrous aroma of freshly baked confections!" extolled Kuno. "Chocolate chip cookies, if my olfactory sense is not lacking."

Hikaru sighed. "Yes, there are cookies in the kitchen, but...."

"Hey, I'm there!" said Ranma. He and Kuno brushed right past Gosunkugi and made their way toward the wonderful smell of cookies fresh out of the oven.

Hikaru sighed again. "Nothing ever goes right for me."

Akane groaned. "Boys...." She took a deep breath through her mouth, removing a bit of the green color from her face. "I don't know how they could possibly smell cookies in here... do you smell anything, Hikaru? Maybe a sewer pipe burst or something."

"I don't –" he began, before he remembered where the voodoo doll was in relation to one of the more pungent parts of his anatomy. He'd never known any voodoo doll to convey smells to its target, but then, no other voodoo doll had ever been as potent as the one in his pants. "Now that you mention it," he fallaciously corrected himself, "I do notice a bit of... stench in the air. I'd better make sure I remembered to flush the toilet." He motioned toward the kitchen. "Why don't you go on and try some of my cookies in the meantime? I baked them just for you."

"I'm sorry," said Akane, rubbing her stomach. "I don't think I could possibly eat anything right now. I feel like I've just eaten a big meal." She inhaled through her nose, coughed, and went back to mouth-breathing again. "Not to mention the awful smell in here."

"I'll take care of that!" Hikaru promised. "Just go, get to the kitchen and have some cookies! Please?" He instantly regretted his insistent tone, but his entire plan revolved around Akane eating the cookies that he'd laced with true-love potion. One bite would cause any woman who ate it to fall instantly in love with him – and unlike the standard love potions made popular by fictional accounts, this love would be pure and totally free of animalistic lust. Once Akane ate one of the cookies, she'd want nothing more than to be his girlfriend. And thanks to the ingredients that Kodachi Kuno had provided, the potion would have no effect on men; a precaution that he was now glad he had taken.

Akane gave him an odd stare, but despite her suspicion, she turned around and made her way to the kitchen. Hikaru breathed a sigh of relief and pulled the doll out of his pants, casting about for a better place to hide it. One of the antique African tribal masks that adorned the walls was large enough to hold the doll comfortably, and he grabbed it down and carefully placed the doll inside it. He was about to hang the mask up again, concealing the incriminating effigy from prying eyes, when his own eyes caught a glimpse of the doll for the first time since Akane had shown up. There, protruding from the doll's belly, was the long-sought white-headed pin.

"That explains why she's not hungry," he said as he removed the pin. "Ah well. I feel like an idiot, but at least I found it." He pushed the pin into the doll's heart and hung the mask in its place. The pin wouldn't do much on its own, of course, but when combined with the true-love potion....

Hikaru heard Akane shriek from the kitchen, and raced toward the sound, hoping that he hadn't somehow screwed up the spell. He'd followed the recipe to the letter, but if there had somehow been a mistake, the results could be catastrophic. "What's going on?" he asked excitedly as he leapt through the kitchen door.

"Those boys ate all the cookies before I could get any!" replied the completely unharmed Akane, pointing to the pair of boys seated at the table in front of the large plate of cookie crumbs.

"You said you didn't want any," Ranma mumbled around an oversized mouthful of cookie.

"Well, I wasn't hungry before!" Akane shot back. "Now I am. And I don't think it was very polite to eat all of Hikaru's cookies in the first place."

"You said you didn't want any," Ranma repeated through the same mouthful.

"Filthy cur," murmured Kuno. "Speaking with food in one's mouth, in the presence of the fairer gender! Have you no shame nor etiquette?"

"The point isn't whether I want anything or not," Akane continued. "The point is that eating all of the cookies was rude."

"I agree," said Kuno, wiping the chocolate stains from his face with Gosunkugi's dishtowel. "You are truly a dishonorable guest, Saotome."

"And who made you guys the authorities on manners?" asked Ranma.

Hikaru cleared his throat, doing his best to convey the message that, since his plan had failed in the most complete fashion imaginable, he wanted the visitors out of his house as soon as possible. "Now that you've ruined my pla- I mean, eaten my cookies, I believe you came here for a reason?"

"Of course!" shouted Kuno, upending the table as he stood up and drew his bokken. "Your ploy to stay my hand with food ends now! Return my sister to me whence you have taken her!"

Hikaru screamed and fell against the kitchen wall, holding up his arms to ward off the impending death by lumber. "What are you talking about? I didn't take your sister anywhere!"

"Upperclassman Kuno, we're not here to accuse Hikaru of anything," Akane reminded him politely. "We came to ask him if he knows anything about the demon that kidnapped your sister, remember?"

Kuno withdrew his weapon. "Ah, yes. It is so." He sat back down and crossed his arms.

Meanwhile, Ranma stared at Akane as if seeing her for the first time. "Is something the matter with you, Akane? Something seems strange about you, but I can't quite put my finger on it...."

"I'm not sure what you mean, Ranma," said Akane. "Would you mind explaining why you feel that way?"

"See, that's what I'm talking about," said Ranma. "You're being all polite now."

Hikaru stifled a gasp. Without the influence of the true-love potion, the pin in the heart of the Akane voodoo doll had merely suppressed her usual anger and brought out her polite, caring side. He had to do something to divert their attention before they realized that he'd had something to do with the change. "What's this about Kuno's sister?" he asked, feigning interest.

"You will address me as Upperclassman," Kuno put in automatically.

"Forget about your social status for a second and tell him about what happened last night!" snapped Ranma.

Grudgingly, Kuno related the complete story of Kodachi's kidnap, with helpful prods from Ranma and Akane whenever he started to embellish the facts or insert accusations of "the demon Saotome" into his narrative. As the facts gradually became clear, Hikaru's interest grew, until he no longer had to pretend to be interested in the tale. In the end, he was pressing Kuno for more detail about the black cloud demon that had taken Ranma's form.

"Can you tell us more about it, Hikaru?" asked Akane once the interview was finished.

"I'll see what I can find out," replied Hikaru. "There should be some useful information in my library. I'll just have to dig around to find the right books."

"Oh, thank you!" said Akane.

"Yeah, thanks," echoed Ranma. "We'll come back later today to find out what you've got."

"See that you find the information we seek quickly, Gosunkugi," threatened Kuno, "or it will be your head."

Hikaru checked his watch. "Well, let's see. It's five minutes to noon now, so give me about –"

"Five minutes to noon?" Ranma interrupted. "Shoot! I've gotta go!"

"Go? Go where?" asked Akane.

"I'm supposed to be at Ucchan's in five minutes!" Ranma informed her as his feet began to slide back and forth, trying to remember the correct sequence of positions for running. "If I'm late, she'll pound me flatter than an okonomiyaki!"

Akane gasped. "That's not good! You'd better hurry and get over there!"

Ranma waved a hand in front of Akane's face. "Okay, now I know there's something wrong with you. You NEVER tell me to 'hurry and get to Ucchan's.' It's always either 'what's wrong with MY cooking?' or 'fine, see if I care,' or something like that."

"'Tis simple," announced Kuno. "Akane Tendo wishes to remain in my company when we quit this dilapidated place, when at last we can be alone in our true love!" Reaching the height of his delusion, Kuno stretched his arms wide and turned to Akane. "Come, dearest Akane! No longer can I bear to be separate from your -"

Akane's foot met his face abruptly. "I'm sorry, Upperclassman Kuno, but I just don't think of you that way."

Hikaru shook his head. "Some things, even the power of voodoo can't change," he murmured to himself.

Ranma grabbed Akane's arm. "Come on. I'm not letting you out of my sight until we figure out exactly what's going on. You, me, Ryoga, Shampoo, and probably a lot of other people have been acting really weird lately, and I intend to get to the bottom of it. Maybe Ukyo'll even help us."

"I'm sure she will," Akane agreed as he dragged her out of the room. "She's a nice girl."

"It is bewitchment, to be sure!" shouted Kuno. "You'll not steal Akane from me so easily, Saotome!" He stormed out of the room, shaking a fist at Ranma while keeping a respectable distance.

Hikaru waited until the front door slammed behind his guests before righting the kitchen table. "What a weird bunch," he said to himself as he went to retrieve the Akane doll and prepare for another attempt at winning her heart through voodoo.

*************************************************

Kuno hadn't followed his quarry for more than two blocks before a strong hand gripped his shoulder, jerking him to a halt. He pulled his bokken from his belt as he spun around to face his assailant. "Who dares lay his hand on Tatewaki Kuno, kendo champion of Furinkan High?"

Ryoga held his hands up placatingly. "Whoa, there, big guy. I'm not here to pick a fight."

"The fight has picked you, fool," said Kuno, pressing his blade to Ryoga's throat. "This delay has caused me to lose sight of Akane Tendo!"

Ryoga waved dismissively. "Ah, forget her. She's not the one for you. Now, the pigtailed girl, on the other hand...."

The bokken dug almost deep enough to draw blood as Kuno leaned forward threateningly. "What have you done with the pigtailed girl?"

"Do you even listen before you start stabbing people?" Ryoga shot back, trying his best to maintain his temper. "I didn't do anything to the pigtailed girl!"

"LIES!" shouted Kuno. "Where is she? Tell me before I cut you down where you stand!"

Ryoga casually raised an elbow and leaned on the bokken. "I thought it was your sister who was kidnapped."

"Then you admit it!" shouted Kuno, pulling his bokken back. He thrust the blade under Ryoga's chin again as the bandana-wearing one stumbled. "Where is she?"

Ryoga quickly gave up trying to get Kuno to listen to reason and instead appealed to his insanity. "I don't know, but I do know how you can get a date with the pigtailed girl."

Kuno's bokken was in his belt before Ryoga could blink. "I'm listening."

"Hey, I don't give information for free," Ryoga hinted.

"Very well," said Kuno, extracting a wallet from his pocket. "As long as your fee is comparable to Nabiki Tendo's, I am willing to -"

"I'm not asking for money," Ryoga interrupted. "What I want from you is information... and a promise."

"Tatewaki Kuno does not make promises lightly," said Kuno. "Name this promise first, and then I shall decide."

Ryoga took a deep breath. This was the part that would take all of his patience and whatever diplomacy he could muster. "I want you to promise that once you get a date with the pigtailed girl, you'll give up on Akane Tendo."

"Betray the love of my life? Never! Sooner would I die!"

"I always used to think that would come BEFORE the date with Ranma..." Ryoga murmured to himself.

Kuno cocked an eyebrow. "What was that?"

Ryoga innocently changed tacks. "You know... I've heard the pigtailed girl say that she'd be really interested in you if you would devote yourself entirely to her and give up on Akane."

Fire blazed in Kuno's eyes. "Then I shall do it! I shall do everything to win the hearts of both my beloved pigtailed goddess and Akane Tendo!"

Ryoga's legs gave out, and he pitched to the ground face first. "You idiot!" he shouted once he'd regained his feet. "You aren't even paying attention, are you?"

"Why?" asked Kuno. "Are we fighting?"

Ryoga clenched a fist. "Geez! Are you always this dense?" He had to take several deep breaths to calm himself down. "Calmness leads to rationality. Calmness leads to rationality," he chanted under his breath. "All right, Kuno. Think about it this way. Akane only has feelings for -" he had to force the name out "- Ranma. She'll never be yours, no matter what you do." Seeing Kuno's hand tighten on the bokken's handle, he quickly continued. "And the pigtailed girl will never be yours as long as you keep wanting Akane. So you can't have them both, and you can't have just Akane. Does that tell you anything?"

Kuno slowly nodded as he stared into Ryoga's eyes. "No," he said at last.

Ryoga's elbow met the back of Kuno's skull as his temper finally snapped. "Why does everything have to be spelled out for you?"

"E-V-E-R-"

"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?" Ryoga went through every calming exercise from his book, with little success. "Okay, I'm going to say this very slowly." True to his word, he continued at the rate of one word per second. "If... you... stop... pining... after... Akane... the... pigtailed... girl... will... fall... in... love... with... you."

Kuno gave Ryoga the blankest look yet. "How much longer is this going to take?"

Ryoga raised a hand to his forehead and sighed heavily. "Fine, fine. Forget all of that. Just tell me how I can get a date with Akane."

Kuno snorted. "Is that all? That much, I would tell thee even for nothing! It is no secret that in order to date Akane Tendo, one must first defeat her in combat. For any mortal man lower than myself, it is clearly an impossible task."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" cried Ryoga. "If I beat Akane up, she'll hate me!"

Kuno shook his head disparagingly. "How little you understand."

Ryoga shrugged. "Well, whatever. Thanks for the 'hint', Kuno."

As Ryoga turned to walk away, Kuno grabbed his shoulder and cleared his throat meaningfully. "I believe there's the small matter of a promise remaining to be kept."

"What promise?"

Kuno faked a sigh. "Ah, how quickly we forget." He spun Ryoga around and jabbed a finger into his chest. "You promised to tell me how to ensure a rendezvous with the pigtailed girl."

"But you said the information was free!" protested Ryoga.

"I said it WOULD have been free, had you not promised to pay for it," Kuno corrected him. "It is no fault of mine that you made such a promise before asking my price."

Ryoga sighed. Losing an argument to Kuno had to be one of the most embarrassing things he'd done in a long time... and he'd been caught chewing on a pair of panties. Still, he was starting to get an inkling of an idea from what Kuno had told him, and his own information wasn't exactly anything he didn't want Kuno to know. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

Stifling an evil giggle, Ryoga grinned and motioned for Kuno to lean closer so that he could whisper the precious information. "You see, Kuno, it's like this. The pigtailed girl has a little... secret...."

*************************************************

"Where the hell is Ranma?" grumbled Ukyo, a dark scowl threatening to become the permanent configuration of her face as she continued to hold it far longer than her parents would have deemed safe. "I can't believe he'd be late two days in a row! And this time I explicitly told Akane to watch him and make sure nothing happened!" Her expression darkened even further. "Could she have done something to him herself? She knew he was supposed to have lunch with me today... so maybe she stopped him herself and made him forget about me!" Her hands clenched into fists as her face darkened so much that it began to suck the light out of the surrounding area. "Ranma honey, how could you forget about your cute fiancée like that? You rotten lying weasel!" She instantly brightened up and smiled. "One family-size okonomiyaki with shrimp and vegetables. Enjoy your meal!"

The father eyed the misshapen tray dubiously, poking at the gouges that Ukyo's fingers had left. "Um, are you sure this is safe to eat?" he asked. But Ukyo was already storming back to the kitchen, exuding a dangerous air that the customer knew better than to interfere with. He turned back to his family. "Well, let's eat, I suppose."

Suddenly, the front door burst open, filling Ukyo with a horrifying sense of déjà vu as she turned to see Ranma and Akane stumble through the opening in unison. Ranma's right eye was severely bruised, and Akane's right arm was wrapped in a bloody bandage. She was leaning heavily on Ranma, favoring her left leg, and he seemed to have little trouble supporting both of them while walking normally.

Ukyo's patronage collectively gasped at the sight and stopped eating, at least one woman letting the half-chewed mouthful drop from her hanging jaw. The proprietor quickly helped the ailing pair to a booth as her motherly instinct overrode her temper. "Are you guys okay? Don't tell me it happened to both of you this time!"

Ranma nodded, wincing slightly at the pain in his neck. "I thought I was gonna be late, so I just ran without looking where I was going. Akane was behind me, and she shouted something, and I turned around to look. Next thing I know, we're lying together in that same alley where I woke up yesterday, looking like we just lost a major fight."

Ukyo froze in shock. "To-to-to-to-to-to-to-to-to..."

"Aw, come off it, Ucchan," said Ranma. "Nothing happened between us!"

"Someone must have attacked us and left us there," agreed Akane. "We weren't -"

"To-to-to-to-to-to-to-to..." continued Ukyo, their words missing her completely.

The man sitting at the adjacent table waved. "Waitress, can I get my check please? I think I'm done here."

"To-to-to-coming right up-to-to-to...." Still sputtering, Ukyo stood up, lurched over to the table, dropped a handful of blank checks onto the table, swept the rest of the table's contents onto the man's lap with a dishtowel, then returned to Ranma's booth and sat down opposite him. "-to-to-to-to-together?"

"I told you nothing happened," repeated Ranma. "Whatever happened to me yesterday must've got Akane too, that's all."

Ukyo lunged across the table and grabbed Ranma's shirt collar. "What were you doing in an alley with HER, Ranchan?"

"Will you just listen already?" pleaded Ranma. "We were unconscious the whole time!"

"That just makes it worse, you pervert!"

Akane's face grew warm. "You don't honestly think... me and him...." She thrust her bandaged arm in front of Ukyo's face. "Look at this! Do you think I could hurt myself like this doing THAT?"

Ukyo retched. "I don't want to know what sick games you two were playing! I don't even want to think about it! Heck, I can barely even look at you without... ugh!" She shuddered in disgust.

"I get the picture," Ranma said flatly. He stood up and pulled Akane to her feet. "Let's go. It's obvious we're not welcome here." He took one step and fell flat on his face, nearly pulling Akane down with him.

"Ranma honey!" shouted Ukyo, sliding out of her seat to help him up as her compunctions vanished instantly. "I'm so sorry! What was I thinking? You're hurt!"

"Like I said," replied Ranma. "But right now, I'm just starving. Can we get something to eat?"

"Where are your priorities, Ranma?" Akane asked angrily, her stomach punctuating her sentence with a loud growl. "Then again, I did miss breakfast this morning...."

"But this was supposed to be a special lunch for just the two of us!" protested Ukyo. "You spend all day with Ranma honey, and then you intrude on OUR private time?"

"Ucchan, this isn't the time to talk about that," Ranma said calmly. "Let's take care of the important issue first, then worry about everything else."

"You're acting weird again," Ukyo informed him. "You're making way too much sense."

Ranma shrugged. "If you think I'm making sense, then you should listen, right?"

Ukyo gave him an emphatic "hmph!" before spinning on her heels and storming to the kitchen.

"Well, that was rude," noted Akane.

Ranma nodded. "Yeah. All I did was ask for some food. This IS a restaurant, right?"

"I was talking about you," Akane clarified.

"I'm hungry," said Ranma, letting that constitute his entire explanation.

Akane scowled. "That's no excuse, Ranma. Ukyo's your friend. You should treat her with more respect. And you could show me a little too, while you're at it."

Ranma blinked in surprise. "You know, that's the same sort of weird stuff you were saying at Gosunkugi's place."

"That's not the point," said Akane, cutting him off. "I thought maybe you'd changed, but you're still the same as ever." She sat down heavily in her seat, not moving over to give Ranma room.

"And do you have a problem with that?" countered Ranma, sitting opposite her.

"Geez, you two, get a room," said Ukyo, who had approached the table unnoticed bearing a large okonomiyaki. "You fight like a married couple."

Ranma and Akane stared at each other guiltily as Ukyo set the okonomiyaki down on the table, providing them with the much-needed distraction. Ranma gratefully picked up a pair of chopsticks and lifted a small piece to his mouth. He chewed eagerly while Akane watched, readying her own chopsticks.

"Well, what do you think?" asked Ukyo.

Ranma swallowed. "It's kinda cold, don't you think?"

Ukyo slammed her fists down on the table, gouging its smooth, polished surface in her rage. "Cold? COLD? I spent hours this morning mixing up a batch of my special sauce and pre-cooking it just the right amount to be ready at noon when you were going to show up - except you didn't show up, leaving it to sit in the kitchen and cool off, wasting all the work I put into getting it just right for the second day in a row! And all you can say is 'it's cold?' OF COURSE IT'S COLD, YOU JACKASS!"

"Hey, it's not like that -" began Ranma.

"Shove it!" she shouted, snatching the tray from the table and turning it over on top of Ranma's head. "You know what? Forget about lunch! If you can't bother to show up on time and then have the nerve to complain to me about it, then I don't want to see you here ever again!"

As Ukyo turned to stomp back to the kitchen yet again, Ranma leapt up and grabbed her shoulder. "Hey, Ucchan, you're not being fair here!"

"Yeah, don't go away mad! It's not his fault!" put in Akane, standing up just behind Ranma. "Whatever happened yesterday happened again today, and that's what made him late!"

Ukyo slowly turned to face her, then jabbed an index finger into Akane's face. "And YOU...! You were supposed to make sure whatever happened yesterday didn't happen again! But not only did you totally fail to do that, then you show up at the restaurant along with him, butting in on our date again!"

"Your date?" Akane shot back. "Who gave you permission to date Ranma anyway?"

"Oh, don't act all high-and-mighty with me! You probably let him pass out in that alley again just to keep him away from me! Admit it!"

Sparks lanced through the air between the girls as their tempers grew strong enough to take on physical form. Ranma tentatively waved his hand in front of their faces. "Uh, girls? Maybe you should try to work this out peacefully -"

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" they shouted in unison, punching him out the front door.

Akane was the first to return to her senses, staring at her fist in shock. "What did I just do?"

Ukyo shrugged. "What's the big deal? You get pissed at Ranma all the time."

Akane's face fell. "You're right.... I do. I never realized how much I was hurting him. Or rather, I never stopped to think about it until now. I always just lose my temper at the worst times and take it out on poor Ranma."

Ukyo blinked several times in surprise. "Hey, Akane, now you're acting just as weird as Ranma was. What's up with that?"

Tears welled up in Akane's eyes. "I can't believe I would...." She wiped the tears away and ran to the door. "If Ranma comes back, tell him I'm sorry!" she called out as she fled the restaurant without looking back.

Ukyo shook her head. "I just don't get it. Whatever happened to them is making them both act weird now, and it happens whenever Ranma tries to come to my restaurant. I guess Akane probably isn't the one doing it.... Could Shampoo be behind it somehow, even if she was here yesterday when it happened the first time? I can't think of any other explanation!"

The eerie silence that followed her declaration seemed incredibly out of place for some reason. She turned around to see her customers watching her intently, too petrified to move or say anything. Sighing, she raised a hand to her forehead and reminded herself that it wasn't wise to upset the customers. The new business had cost her far too much to let it fail so soon after opening. "Sorry about that, folks," she apologized. "To make up for disturbing your quiet mealtime atmosphere, I'd like to give each of you a certificate good for a free personal okonomiyaki on your next visit."

Silence greeted this offer too, for the first few minutes. Finally, it was broken by a man sitting near the front door. "Hey, that sounds like a good deal."

Relief flooded Ukyo's heart. There was a lot more effort involved in running a real business, especially with patrons like Ranma and Akane.... But in the frenzy of trying to make and hand out the certificates, even that obvious segue failed to remind her of her earlier train of thought concerning Ranma and Akane's odd behavior.

*************************************************

Ranma shivered as the cold hose water ran down her body, cleaning the okonomiyaki sauce from her hair and face. "Better wait 'till Ukyo calms down before going back there," she decided aloud. "Maybe she and Akane will manage to work things out without killing each other." She dropped the hose, turned off the spigot, and shrugged. "Nah. I'm probably going to have to patch things up with Akane first, and then get her to talk to Ukyo again. They're going to have to learn to get along eventually."

She turned to head back to the Tendo Dojo, but froze in her tracks. "Wait a second. That makes way too much sense. When have I ever come up with a good idea?" It was a blow to her pride to admit that it was an unlikely prospect, but compared to the current circumstances, even her vanity was a minor concern. "Ukyo and Akane were right. I am acting weird. Even weirder than yesterday. The question is, why? What exactly happened, and how exactly has it changed me? What's the best way to find out?"

Pondering her predicament, Ranma set off for home again, only to stop a few seconds later, this time in response to the last voice she wanted to hear. "Pigtailed girl, I have found you at last!" Kuno shouted joyously, running toward her at top speed.

Ranma spun around and raised a foot to the spot where Kuno's face met it moments later. "I really don't have the time or the patience to deal with you right now, Kuno. So just go back to looking for your sister and let me get back to my own business."

Kuno pried his face from her sole and grabbed her ankle to prevent her from leaving. "I'm afraid I cannot allow that this time," he announced. "For into my hands has come a great secret, one that I know you wish to hide from certain parties, and my excitement at this opportunity is such that I can contain it no longer! We must act immediately, 'ere my heart bursts from the anticipation!"

"I don't care about your -" Ranma began, before her newly-altered brain caught up with her ears. "Wait, did you say something about a secret?"

"Indeed," confirmed Kuno with great relish. "Can you deny me my prize in light of this windfall?"

Ranma ignored Kuno as per usual as she tried to puzzle out what the heck he was talking about. He already knew about the Cat-Fist, and that wasn't much of a secret to begin with. In fact, most of Ranma's past had already become public knowledge at some point or another, and most of it didn't affect her anymore anyway, once it had been uncovered and dealt with. About the only other part of her life that was still even in effect, which Kuno didn't know about, was.... "What secret are you talking about?" she asked, still unwilling to believe that Kuno could possibly have figured THAT out.

Kuno smiled. "Why, it would be this, of course," he said, pulling from behind his back the hand that Ranma hadn't noticed him hiding. What it held was undeniably a steaming kettle, and there was only one secret that it could possibly be a part of. But how could Kuno have learned about her gender-changing secret after proving so stubbornly resistant to it for such a long time? ... Then again, Ranma had been going through some startling mental changes herself, and Akane seemed to have changed as well after her encounter with whatever had left them in that alley. Maybe the same thing had happened to Kuno, miraculously giving him the brainpower to understand the true nature of Ranma's curse. And if that was the case, it was a VERY powerful force.

Kuno was still staring intently at Ranma, waiting for an answer, which reminded her of the other reason that the situation was so wrong. "You know about my curse, and you STILL want to go out with me? I had no idea you swung that way."

"That I would choose you over Akane Tendo is no coincidence," boasted Kuno, completely missing Ranma's implication. "But you are indeed correct to be wary, for my affection for Akane has not diminished in the slightest. I am, however, willing to devote thee my full attention for the while, until your heart is mine, whence I shall again resume the quest for her love and yours." He held Ranma's hand and gazed at her with stars in his eyes. "Fear not, my love. You shall both receive all of Tatewaki Kuno, age -"

Ranma silenced him with another kick in the face. "I don't even want half of you, Kuno. And you should know why. I don't like guys!"

"So you say," said Kuno, clenching the fist that held the kettle. "But I know it is a spell, that I must break at any cost!"

"It's not a spell," Ranma said far too patiently. "I'm a guy." Then, she reconsidered her words. "Well, I guess the curse COULD be considered a spell...."

"Exactly!" Kuno spouted triumphantly. "And that is why we must date immediately and restore your twisted sensibilities to their rightful state!"

"Who's twisted?" asked Ranma, pulling her hand out of Kuno's grip at last.

Kuno shook a warning finger disapprovingly. "I fully anticipated this hard-to-get routine well in advance," he declared, raising the teakettle. "Do not make me use your worst fear against you!"

"My worst fear?" Ranma queried skeptically. "It's not like I'm afraid of being my old self. Heck, give that here and I'll pour it on myself!"

"Oh, the bravery!" cried Kuno with fake tears in his eyes. "But alas, such an act cannot belie the truth of your inner turmoil. I know all too well of the one who would seek to use this knowledge against you, and cannot allow her that privilege. But still, if you will not agree to a date, I must tell all!"

Ranma froze yet again in mid-reach for the kettle. "Did you say...?"

Kuno nodded solemnly. "Yes, I know how disastrous it would be if your mother were to discover this tragic secret. It would be akin to the end of your young life. But, if I cannot have you, then no other man shall, this I vow!"

Ranma's face turned an unhealthy shade of green as she realized that Kuno was dead serious. He wanted a date, even now that he knew Ranma was in fact male, and if Ranma didn't agree, Kuno would tell her mother about the curse, and she'd have to kill herself. Kuno was indeed well-informed, if nothing else. "How did you finally figure all of this out?" she asked.

Kuno shook his head. "My honor forbids me to reveal my source. Suffice it to say that the price I paid for the information was indeed well-spent."

Ranma clenched her fists. "Nabiki...." It all made sense now. This was clearly her revenge for the groping incident the day before. Well, she was going to get hers, eventually... but there was this situation to deal with first. Ranma swallowed what little remained of her pride and gave Kuno the sad puppy-dog eyes treatment. "Oh, Kuno dear... you couldn't possibly do something to hurt little me, could you?"

Kuno's breath caught in his throat. "Oh, my delicate flower. Of course, such a thing is completely unthinkable!" Ranma started to sigh with relief before he continued. "And yet, I must stand firm! As I was taught, this is my only course! It is written: 'Never back down from what you know to be the correct path!'"

"'It is written' where, exactly?" asked Ranma.

Kuno stepped back to a respectable distance, and Ranma finally noticed how tightly his fist was clenched around the handle of the kettle. Suddenly, he raised a finger to point ominously at Ranma. "I shall expect your answer tonight, pigtailed girl!"

"My name isn't 'pigtailed girl'," Ranma reminded him. "It's Ran-"

"Shush! Such beauty should not be sullied by so vile a thing as a name," interrupted Kuno, lost in the moment.

Ranma snorted. "Whatever. But I have no intention of going out with you, even if you do know my secret. Go ahead and tell my mom if you want. I don't think you have the guts."

Kuno smiled slyly. "That we shall see, my goddess. By this eve, you will no longer be able to resist my overbearing charm!"

"Full of yourself today, eh?" retorted Ranma. "Don't count on that date, pal. It ain't happening."

"We shall see," repeated Kuno.

"I'd move if I were you," warned Ranma. "I have the sudden urge to aim a kick right where you're standing."

"Ah, the energetic fire of youth that blazes so -" Kuno's voice immediately cut out as Ranma made good on her threat, sending her erstwhile suitor flying.

"I warned him," she reminded herself. "But why I didn't just let him have it in the first place, I have no idea. I've gotta figure out what's wrong with me." She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "I guess I could go ask Dr. Tofu. If anyone can figure out what's happened to me, he probably can." 

With a destination in mind, she turned and set off, sighing to herself as she realized that she should have claimed the kettle from Kuno before punting him. "I wonder if he was really serious about that threat.... Does he even KNOW Mom? And why the heck does he want a date with me when he knows I'm a guy?" She shuddered at the only reason that came to mind and quickly changed tacks, thinking about ways to escape the impending date without her secret being exposed. Some things were best left unexplained.


	7. 6: A Duel to the Date

Ranma ½: A Deadly Choice

Chapter 6: Ryoga vs. Akane: A Duel to the Date

Cologne clicked her tongue as she admonished her great-granddaughter. "I'm very disappointed in you, Shampoo. You had a very important part to play today, and you failed."

Shampoo meowed shamefully.

"Allowing Akane to interfere could have jeopardized our entire plan," continued Cologne. "You'll never marry Son-in-law if you can't do your part to bring that marriage about."

Shampoo meowed apologetically.

"Not only that, but I have my doubts that you were randomly splashed with cold water on your way to intercept Akane," Cologne noted. "The puddle on the back step disabused me of that notion rather early on. You expressly violated my command to leave Son-in-law alone, didn't you?"

Shampoo nodded sullenly.

"Didn't you finish your training? The penultimate chapter was one of the most important parts of the entire book! And had you read it, you would have known the principle 'Always defer to your elders in matters of wisdom, for their experience far outweighs your own.'"

Shampoo meowed again, this time more insistently. She rose onto her hind paws and batted at the kettle in Cologne's hand.

"There's a reason I haven't turned you back yet, Shampoo," Cologne informed her. "Your training is clearly of no use to you when you can't speak, as I'm sure you're becoming aware. You shame the entire Amazon nation with your disobedience and your failure. I did not give you that training so that you could squander it for your own pettiness. And I did not call the demon here so that you could risk letting it be discovered!"

Shampoo leapt up, but Cologne quickly swung the kettle aside, not letting a drop spill onto Shampoo. The cat landed on Cologne's shoulder and bounced off, managing to hit the kettle with her tail on the rebound. The vessel tipped, pouring its contents onto Shampoo, who landed on her hands and knees in human form. "Great-grandmother, is not Shampoo fault!" she protested. "Shampoo leave hot water, but when come back, it not there!"

"You shouldn't have become a cat in the first place," asserted Cologne. "You brought this failure on your own head."

"But everything is okay, yes?" asked Shampoo. "Ranma, Akane both get memory erased, is no problem!"

"But now Akane, too, has benefited from the training," Cologne reminded her. "Now she will be a more difficult adversary, particularly since you left your own training incomplete."

Shampoo pouted indignantly. "Is not training. Is only stupid book."

"That 'stupid book' is the key to winning Son-in-law's heart," said Cologne. "And we have no time to waste. If Son-in-law or the Tendo family find out about our plan, they could well find a way to defeat it. Our only advantage is the element of surprise, especially as we remove the distractions from Son-in-law's life. As you become his focus, the risk of being discovered will grow. This is the critical moment. You must not fail again. Is that understood, Shampoo?"

Shampoo bowed her head. "Yes, Great-grandmother."

"Now, get up and go put some clothes on," ordered Cologne. "There are customers to serve, and Mousse can't do the job alone."

Shampoo turned around and walked toward the stairs, feeling the sharp sting of Cologne's staff spanking her exposed rear once as she went. She bit her lip and said nothing, accepting her discipline meekly as was the Amazon way. She could not, however, ignore the affront of the kitchen's other occupant, who was ogling her naked body somewhat eagerly as she walked past the counter that he'd been crouching behind. "What you staring at?" she demanded, her entire body turning red with embarrassment. "Look other way, stupid!"

The red-haired man instead stared even more intently.

Shampoo raised an arm and smacked him across the face. "You know what Shampoo mean! Look at Shampoo body -"

"Shampoo!" snapped Cologne. "Upstairs, immediately!"

Shampoo covered her backside with her hands as she raced up the stairs. The man behind the counter stood up, his face pale except for the bright red mark of Shampoo's handprint on his cheek.

"You'd best admire her body while you can," said Cologne with a knowing chuckle. "She'll soon belong to Ranma, body and soul."

The man's face paled even more, rendering the handprint a mere light pink. "Elder, yes."

Cologne sighed. "Not that she really deserves a man like him... such a waste of youth."

The man shook his head slowly.

*************************************************

Akane opened the door and stepped out onto the clinic's porch, stretching her limbs. "Thank you, Doctor Tofu," she said excitedly. "I feel so much better now!"

"You might want to take it easy for a while," Dr. Tofu warned her. "The herbs I gave you will mask the pain, and the pressure points I applied should speed the healing process, but your muscles will still tire quickly if you overexert yourself."

Akane nodded. "I understand."

"By the way, could you tell your sister that the peanut butter cookie recipe she gave me worked very well?" Dr. Tofu requested. "The cookies were a little burnt when I made them, but I think I know exactly what went wrong."

"I'll let her know," agreed Akane. "I'll see you later!"

"Not too soon, I hope," said Dr. Tofu with a smile. "Unless you're just stopping by for a visit. You can do that any time you want."

"Of course," said Akane. "I'll come back soon."

"Take care." Dr. Tofu waved goodbye and closed the door.

Akane took a deep breath and stretched again. "Ahh, that feels good," she said to the empty yard. She set off down the path with a spring in her step, nearly bumping headlong into Ryoga as he turned the corner. "Oh!"

"A-Akane!" he stammered, clearly as surprised to see her as she was to see him. "What a coincidence! I mean... not a coincidence, because I was looking for you! I mean... I was looking for you! And I found you! This is so amazing!" He turned around, fished a book out of his shirt, and kissed the cover gratefully before shoving it back into the folds of his clothing.

"You were looking for me?" Akane repeated.

"Oh, right." Ryoga turned back to her, his expression suddenly serious. "Akane, I've been meaning to ask you something for a long time, and never really had a way to say it. But now, I've been training, and I finally have the means to ask you this greatest of favors."

Akane swallowed. "A favor? To ask me? What is it?"

He steeled his nerves. This was going to be the big moment. "Akane... will you spar with me?"

She blinked. "Spar with you? That's the big favor?"

Ryoga's face fell. "You don't want to?"

Akane shook her head. "No, that's not it at all! It's just that, from the way you were acting, I was expecting you to ask me on a date or something!" She laughed. "Not that you'd ever do something like that, would you, Ryoga?"

An alarm went off in the back of Ryoga's mind. That was one of the forbidden questions - even though she seemed to be in a jovial mood, any answer would most likely hurt her feelings in some way. An accord would imply that she wasn't worthy of a date; a denial would imply that he intended to date her after all. But there was always another way to respond to a question. "I respect you for who you are," he said, evading the issue with all the aplomb he'd managed to pick up from his book.

Akane looked stunned, but continued with the original topic. "Why don't you just spar with Ranma, like usual?"

"Ranma wouldn't take me seriously," explained Ryoga. "He'd just hold back because he thinks he's so much better than I am." That wasn't entirely true - Ranma rarely hesitated to dispatch Ryoga by any means convenient - nor was it accurate, but Ryoga couldn't very well tell her the real reason he wanted to spar with her. This excuse, at least, was something she'd often told P-chan frustrated her about Ranma. Giving her something that she could identify with would be an effective way of earning her trust, according to the book.

Akane hummed thoughtfully. "Yeah, I suppose that's true." She frowned. "But Dr. Tofu told me to take it easy for a while. I can't fight until my muscles recover."

"Recover from what?" Ryoga asked with genuine shock. He hadn't even considered the possibility that Akane would be physically unable to spar with him!

"I don't know," replied Akane, shaking her head. "I blacked out, and when I woke up, I was lying in an alley somewhere, and I was sore all over."

Ryoga could feel the plan crumbling to dust around him. He had to do something to salvage his dignity before his unpreparedness left him a babbling moron, as it did every other time he was around Akane. What had his book said about improvisation? 'Improvisation is....' He couldn't remember the rest of the line, but maybe he could make something up to finish it.

It hurt him to have to do it, but he'd have to strike directly at Akane's pride. "Well, I understand," he said quietly, putting one hand behind his head. "And here I had a new technique I wanted to try out, but if you're not up to it, I guess I can't ask you to help me." He did his best to look disappointed, hoping he'd estimated Akane's reaction correctly.

Akane blushed. "It's not that I don't want to... any other day, I'd help you. But I can't really fight in this condition."

"You're right," agreed Ryoga. "I wouldn't want to hurt you."

"I'm not afraid!" countered Akane. "It's the doctor's orders!"

"Yeah, I know," Ryoga said patronizingly. Almost there....

"I can hold my own against you!" Akane insisted, raising her fists indignantly.

"Yeah, I'm sure you could, if you were at full strength," Ryoga continued, goading her on.

"Is that what you think?" asked Akane. "You think I can't fight you unless I'm at full strength?"

Ryoga shook his head. "Not at all! I'm just worried that, since you're not in top shape, I'd have to hold back, and that wouldn't be fair to you."

"Then we'll just have to give you an incentive to go all out," suggested Akane. "How about we make a bet on the outcome?"

Exactly what he wanted to hear. "Sounds interesting," he said, rubbing his chin. "Okay, how about this? The loser has to treat the winner to dinner at the restaurant of the winner's choice."

"Sounds good to me," said Akane, taking a fighting stance. "I could use a free meal."

"Rather than a free meal, you're going to be eating those words," quipped Ryoga, dropping into his own stance.

"Very funny," Akane returned sarcastically. "I hope you're ready!" She swung her right leg at Ryoga's side in a pre-emptive kick.

Ryoga batted the kick away, resisting the impulse to grab her leg and counterattack before she could regain her balance. He was going to win the fight whether he tried or not; the trick was to make Akane feel that she'd put up a good effort. He casually blocked a few punches before starting an attack of his own, punching slowly and weakly at Akane as if he were training a younger sibling.

Akane raised her arms to block, watching Ryoga's movements for an opening. His movements were swift yet careful, leaving him ready to counter anything she could do. For a moment, she found herself wondering how Ranma could ever defeat an opponent with such impeccable defense, but then she remembered - reluctantly - how far Ranma's skill was above her own. Ranma had defeated Ryoga so many times that he'd made it look easy, but now she was beginning to doubt her chances. But she had to stick with it, until - there! An opening!

Ryoga was pleased to see that Akane took the opening he gave her. He pretended to stumble from the force of her kick, even though he barely felt it. It wouldn't be long before he could end the fight without hurting Akane's feelings... more than was necessary, anyway. She'd get over it eventually. And of course, he'd be there to reassure her of her self-worth while Ranma would most likely berate her ceaselessly for taking on a fight she couldn't possibly win. Who would be the ideal man then? He smiled inwardly as he expertly turned aside her next attack and laid into her with another series of quick jabs, a bit faster than the last.

This time, Akane couldn't do much more than cross her arms over her face and chest, backing up to avoid as much of the force as she could while she waited for another opening. But Ryoga's blows were beginning to make her arms ache already, and they'd only just started fighting. It wasn't as if he was using his full strength, either; she was sure of that. Not that she minded - if he wanted to, he could probably cripple her with a single punch. But she should have been able to take what he was dishing out without even feeling tired.

It was at that moment that the full implications of Dr. Tofu's warning became clear: her muscles weren't ready for a fight yet. At the rate things were going, she'd be worse off than when she'd entered the clinic, even though this was just supposed to be a friendly bout. The sudden realization shocked her so much that she momentarily forgot where she was and relaxed her guard, giving one of Ryoga's fists a clear path to her chest. She dropped to the ground, barely able to breathe.

Ryoga was at her side before she could move. "Akane! I didn't think I hit you that hard! Are you okay?"

It took her three seconds of slow inhalation to take in a full breath. "I got careless," she wheezed. "No mercy, right?"

Ryoga shook his head. "You said you were weak, but I didn't think it was this bad!" He wrapped his arm around her shoulders to help her up, but she pushed him away.

"I can stand up on my own," she insisted, proceeding to do just that. Her muscles ached from the exertion, but she forced herself to stand up straight and bit her tongue to disguise any sign of the pain she was feeling. "I'm not going to give up," she announced.

"But you really shouldn't be fighting in this condition," Ryoga persisted, amazed at how quickly the tables had turned. "We can do this another time, really."

Akane shook her head adamantly. "A martial artist has to be ready to fight at any time. I have to learn how to fight even when I don't feel up to it."

"But you can't-!"

"Ranma would."

"Ranma's...." Ryoga rubbed his head in discomfort. "Ranma's on a whole different level. He's devoted his entire life to fighting. You and I... well, you at least... have a life outside of fighting. Is reaching Ranma's level really what you want to spend your whole life doing? Do you always want to keep comparing yourself to him?" What wonderful irony, he thought, advising Akane against the very course he'd chosen. Then again, that probably made him more qualified than anyone else to tell her how big a mistake it was.

It sounded like perfectly good advice to Ryoga's ears, but Akane surprised him. "Maybe I'm not as good as Ranma," she said, "but whether I win or lose this fight, I'm going to do it the best I can!"

Well, he couldn't argue with that. He dropped into a fighting stance. "Then I'll make this quick," he told her, with every intention of doing just that and preventing her from suffering any more than she had to. He leapt forward and aimed a swift kick at her thigh, hoping to immobilize her without actually hurting her. However, his overbearing concern for her safety overrode his normal combat reflexes, slowing him down enough that Akane was able to anticipate the move and slide out of the way.

Ryoga lost his balance, having counted on his kick hitting, and barely managed to roll away from Akane's counterpunch and get to his feet. He wasn't going to win this fight if he kept holding back. But given Akane's condition....

Akane went for a punch to Ryoga's chest, and he took the opening. He grabbed her fist in one hand and brought his elbow down on her humerus, just hard enough to activate the rather painful nerve located there. He was sure that would at least give Akane pause, but as he felt a very hard blow connect between his legs, he realized how badly he'd underestimated his opponent. He doubled over, clenching the one part of his anatomy that no amount of training could strengthen enough to protect.

Now it was Akane's turn to kneel at Ryoga's side. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I don't know why I did that! Are you okay?"

Ryoga winced from the effort of trying to keep a straight face. "Yeah, no problem. Serves me right for pounding you so hard earlier."

"No! This isn't the same!" Akane stood up. "This isn't right. We can't fight like this."

"Hey, I'm not hurt that bad," he assured her, pushing himself painfully to his feet. "I'll just walk it off."

"That's not the point," said Akane as she stood up with him. "We're just going to hurt each other if we keep this up."

Ryoga stomach did a flip. "You want to call this fight off?"

Akane's mouth pursed. "Well, not like that. But we should think of a better way to settle it."

Ryoga winced at a twinge of pain. "Agreed."

An idea hit Akane. "Hey, you mentioned a new technique, right?"

"Yeah..." said Ryoga, not sure he liked where the conversation was going.

"Why don't we make that the contest?" she suggested. "Try out your technique on me, and if I can find a way to beat it, then I win. If I don't, then you win." She crossed her arms with a satisfied air of triumph.

Ryoga shook his head adamantly. "I don't think that's a good idea. This technique is pretty brutal. I don't think you're up to it right now." This wasn't turning out the way he'd planned at all. The technique was just a goad to get the fight started; he'd never intended to actually USE it against Akane.... Then again, nothing said that he had to use the full potential of the technique. All he had to do was convince Akane that she couldn't win, and it would all be over. "Actually," he continued, "I think I can tone it down a bit for you."

"Fine by me," Akane replied sincerely. She didn't particularly want to face the full power of Ryoga's technique anyway. She'd probably be lucky just to survive as it was, but she'd been watching Ranma fight long enough that she was sure she'd picked up some of his innate skill at finding the weaknesses in opponents' techniques and exploiting them. All it would take was one opening, and she'd be the victor!

Ryoga pulled his belt from around his waist and snapped it, turning it into a rigid blade. "Just don't say I didn't warn you."

Akane took a careful step backward at the sight of the weapon that was the cause of her short hairstyle. "That's not a new technique! I've seen it before!"

"I'm not done yet," Ryoga informed her. "Just giving you a few last seconds to back out." He removed his bandana and looped it over the belt-blade, letting it dangle from the tip of the blade.

"Just get on with it!" said Akane. "I'm not going to back down!"

Ryoga smiled. "I was hoping you'd say that." He held the blade vertically and began to move it in a small circle, causing the bandana to spin like a hula-hoop. "Watch closely," he said in a soft, droning voice. "You won't want to miss this part."

Akane found her eyes drawn inexorably to the rapidly moving cloth. It made her dizzy to watch it, but she couldn't look away. Even as Ryoga's image blurred and swam in her vision, she couldn't so much as blink. She slowly backed away, watching as Ryoga kept the bandana spinning faster and faster.

Suddenly, Ryoga split in two. Two separate figures stood side by side, twin copies of Ryoga with identical whirling bandanas. Each of those split again, and again, until Akane was completely surrounded by Ryogas. The hypnotic hold of the bandanas was broken, but no matter which way she turned, there was another Ryoga with another bandana. "W-what's going on?" she stammered, trying to back away from all directions at once and failing.

"This is my new technique," explained Ryoga, his voice coming from a different direction with every word. "I learned it on my travels from an old master who called it Splitting Cat Hairs, but he relied on speed. I discovered a better way, using the rapid motion of my bandana to confuse my opponent. Now I can strike from anywhere I want, and you'll never see it coming." To demonstrate, the Ryoga in front of her stepped forward and aimed a punch at her head. Akane raised her arms to block it, but the attack hit the side of her head instead. It wasn't hard enough to hurt, but the shock of the attack knocked Akane off balance anyway.

Akane regained her balance and turned her head, watching the Ryogas for a sign of which one was the real one. They stood up straight and scoffed in perfect unison. Even the dust on their clothes was in exactly the same pattern, giving no indication of which one was real. Akane chose one and aimed a punch at it, but her fist went right through. The copy to its right gave her a light chop to the back of the neck, and she quickly spun to punch it, but it was another fake.

"Having fun?" taunted Ryoga. "Well, that's only the beginning! This is where it gets interesting!" Slowly, the Ryogas began to move, circling around Akane. They sped up as she watched, moving faster and faster until they were no more than a blur of color. "How do you like it now?" he asked, his voice as dizzying as his motion. "This is the real power of my new technique! Face the terror of the One-Thousand Pig Tornado Attack! SENBUTA GUFUUKEN!"

Akane raised her arms defensively in the face of the new maneuver, but it would do her little good - Ryoga could attack from any direction at any time, negating any attempt to block or dodge. But the real Ryoga had to be in there somewhere, and if she could somehow find him and hit him, the technique would be broken. The trick was to catch him by surprise, obviously. She suddenly turned without warning and punched into the tornado randomly, bracing herself for an impact, but as before, she hit nothing. Her momentum threw her off balance, and she toppled forward, but a pair of hands grabbed her shoulders and righted her. By the time she'd recovered from the surprise, it was too late to attack the spot where Ryoga had been.

She felt a tap on her shoulder and angrily whirled around, sweeping her leg through half of the tornado in a roundhouse kick. Her thighs immediately flared in pain as they stretched beyond their weakened capacity, but once again, she failed to connect. As her foot hit the ground, Ryoga flicked her ear with a finger, then poked her underarm. Akane growled as she slowly turned in a circle, hoping to catch a glimpse of one of the attacks coming in time to counterattack. But every poke, prod, and flick came from behind no matter which way she was facing.

"Do you give up yet?" asked Ryoga. "I can keep this up all day."

Akane was seconds away from retorting 'So can I,' when she realized that Ryoga was just toying with her. Every "attack" he used was a mere tease, to prove to her that he could touch her without actually hurting her. He wasn't even taking her seriously! "Quit playing and fight me for real!" she shouted.

The tornado slowed down just a bit at that. "What are you talking about?" asked Ryoga.

He had the nerve to deny it? Akane swung a fist in the direction the voice had come from and managed to clip Ryoga's ear as he quickly dodged. He wasn't invincible after all!

"I really don't want to hurt you," said Ryoga.

"I'm not some porcelain doll that will break if you touch me," replied Akane, returning to full attention. "You challenged me to a real fight!" Her thighs gave a twinge of pain, as if to remind her that it wasn't a good time to invite a beating, but she ignored it. She wanted to win by herself, not let Ryoga hand her an easy victory!

But Ryoga resumed his harmless teasing in short order. "If you want to fight, then try to stop me!"

Akane growled in rage and let loose a flurry of punches, none of which hit their mark. She wanted to scream, but that would only be admitting defeat. She had to calm down and figure out a way to win! If Ranma were here, he'd have laid Ryoga out long ago.... Why was she thinking of Ranma? This was her fight, not his! 'Of course it is,' she thought ironically. 'If this was his fight, it would be over by now.' It hurt a bit to compare herself to Ranma, but an odd thought occurred to her. Rather than letting it depress her, she could use it to her advantage. As difficult as it was to think with Ryoga constantly poking her, she set out to answer the burning question: What would Ranma do?

Well, that was an easy one. He'd probably lose his temper and attack with his full strength. She'd already done that, and it hadn't helped. So, step two. Come up with some kind of new technique, possibly involving one of his trademark ki blasts that Akane could never hope to control. That wasn't going to work. So what was left? Ranma's last desperate tactic... using that deformed lump of a brain and figuring out the weakness of his opponent's technique. Akane gritted her teeth and considered the facts. It had all started when Ryoga started spinning his bandana, so obviously, if she could stop it, it would break the spell. But she'd have to catch Ryoga to do that - no good. However... it all seemed to be no more than an optical illusion. Would it still affect her if she closed her eyes? It would be difficult to fight blind, but it wouldn't be any worse than the current situation.

Suddenly, the Ryoga right in front of her bent over double as something large landed on its head. The copies all vanished, leaving only the real Ryoga, who promptly fainted, bringing Ranma down to Akane's eye level. "Yo," she said, stepping casually off Ryoga's head. "Is this jerk bothering you?"

Akane shook off the shock and glared at her. "You're the jerk, you jerk! Why are you butting in on our fight?"

Ranma shrugged. "Well, EXCUSE me. So I was concerned for you because you were fighting someone way more powerful than you, and it looked to me like you were getting your butt kicked. You don't have to thank me or nothing."

Akane could barely contain her rage. "That was an honest challenge, and you ruined it! Not to mention, I was just about to beat him!"

"No kidding?" Ranma scratched her head. "He was dancing circles around you, and you were just standing there and letting him pound you."

"It was a challenge!" repeated Akane. "Once I figured out how to beat his technique, I was going to let him have it, and then I would have won!"

"No offense, Akane, but there's no way you could beat Ryoga."

"I don't need your help!" snapped Akane.

Ranma snorted and turned her head as a recent memory resurfaced. "Besides, I can't imagine why you'd be fighting so soon after last night."

Well, that had come out of left field. "What about last night?" asked Akane.

"Don't play innocent with me!" scoffed Ranma. "I saw what you and Ryoga were doing."

Akane was confounded. What could she possibly mean? The only thing she and Ryoga had done last night was get Mousse to watch over Ranma.... Ohhhhh... Ranma was angry because she'd tried to protect her without asking, and now she'd done the same right back. Akane sighed. "You're right," she agreed. "I have no right to get angry at you."

That stunned Ranma, but she recovered quickly. "Well... exactly!" she declared, crossing her arms in triumph. "You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself!"

"Hey, that's going too far!" protested Akane. "I was trying to help you!"

"How exactly was making out with Ryoga supposed to help me?"

Making out? Akane hadn't heard that expression before, but it obviously had to do with going outside. It probably meant leaving in the middle of the night without telling anyone. "For your information, we went and got Mousse to watch you in case something happened during the night!"

"And that's supposed to be an excuse?" Ranma shot back, clearly irate over something Akane couldn't fathom. "You're supposed to be my fiancée, as you always make such a big deal of pointing out."

"Well, if a little thing like THAT bothers you, then maybe we SHOULD break up!" Akane shouted back without thinking. "You made your point, okay? I can handle Ryoga on my own, and you can handle Kuno and Shampoo on your own. So just leave us alone and go do whatever you want to do!"

Ranma shrugged. "Fine. Don't know why I even bothered." She let her shoulders slump and trudged off down the street, stepping on Ryoga's back without noticing as she went.

Akane's heart sank at the sight, but her rage quickly buoyed it up. "That jerk. Who does he think he is?" She bent down and shook Ryoga gently. "Hey, Ryoga, are you okay?"

Ryoga awoke with a start and sat up. "What happened? How did you -?"

"Be careful," advised Akane. "You might be hurt."

Ryoga shook his head. "No, I'm fine," he told her. "But I don't understand how you beat the Senbuta Gufuuken."

"Well," Akane began carefully, "I was just thinking about closing my eyes when -"

"Of course!" Ryoga interrupted, clenching his fists. "I can't fool your eyes if you close them! That's the weakness of the technique!"

"Well, I didn't ACTUALLY get to -"

"Akane, you're wonderful!" shouted Ryoga, ignoring her interjection. "To think what would have happened if I'd used the technique on Ranma with such an obvious flaw!" He looked up at Akane with joy in his eyes. "Akane, for showing me my fatal weakness, taking you to dinner is a tiny price!"

"But, I didn't really -"

"Please, no more!" said Ryoga, holding his hand in front of her face. "I'm a man of my word, Akane, and I'll take you to dinner tonight at the restaurant of your choice. That's a promise!"

Akane sighed and shrugged. "All right, whatever you say. I HAVE been wanting to try that new French place that opened up near the high school, but I could never afford it...."

"Very well!" agreed Ryoga, leaping to his feet and pointing a finger to the sky. "Then tonight, we eat at the French restaurant near the river!"

"It's nowhere near the river!" Akane corrected him with much exasperation. "Just meet me at my house at seven tonight. Think you can manage that?"

Ryoga clenched a fist and smiled, baring his fangs. "Akane, for dinner with you, I would walk a thousand miles!"

"I really hope it doesn't take you that long," replied Akane. "I'd like to have tonight's dinner sometime before the end of the week."

"Trust me," he assured her. "I WILL be there in time." With that, he turned and strode confidently away with a spring in his step.

Akane shook her head sadly. "Guess I'd better get ready. I'll probably have to borrow one of Kasumi's dresses if we're going to eat at someplace so formal." She departed in the opposite direction, incidentally passing right by the tree where Ranma had hid in order to hear the tail end of the invitation.

"Taking her to dinner, eh, pig boy?" Ranma asked under her breath as she hopped down to the ground. "Well, let's just see how successful your little date turns out." She turned her back on the clinic and set off for a new destination. She had a date with some hot water - and then a date with Tatewaki Kuno.

*************************************************

Ranma steeled his nerves and rang Gosunkugi's doorbell. This was where Kuno's trail had led him - although, admittedly, it hadn't been much of a trail. He'd inquired at the Kuno mansion, and between attempts to remove his pigtail, the Principal had revealed Kuno's location. Still, he had to congratulate himself on his detective work.

He wasn't halfway through patting himself on the back, however, when the door flew open and Gosunkugi darted out. "Save me!" he cried as he hid behind Ranma. "He's a maniac!"

Ranma casually reached up and grabbed Kuno's bokken as it swung down. "Yo, Kuno. What's the deal?"

"Tell him I don't know where his sister is before he kills us both!" pleaded Gosunkugi.

"Lies!" shouted Kuno. "You told me you would reveal her location to me upon my return!"

"I said I'd tell you everything I learned about the demon that kidnapped her! I don't know where she is! You'll have to figure that out for yourself!"

"Hey, let's all calm down," said Ranma, pushing Kuno away. "Kuno, why don't we listen to what he has to say first. Then you can decide whether you want to kill him or not."

Kuno reluctantly withdrew his bokken. "Very well. I agree to this truce, for the moment."

Gosunkugi sighed his relief and stepped around Ranma to lead the way back into the house. "Come on in, then. I didn't find out much, but it may shed some light on what happened."

Ranma followed him, picking his way through the hallway filled with broken furniture and torn objets d'art. "Man, Kuno, you really tore this place up, didn't you?"

"You may address me as Upperclassman," Kuno reminded him flatly.

Gosunkugi pushed aside the fragments of the door that led into his untouched study and crossed the room to the desk. "This book has a pretty good description that seems to match what you told me about earlier. Take a look." He handed the book to Kuno, who disdainfully passed it on to Ranma without looking at it.

Ranma turned the book over and stared at it. "I think someone spilled ink over the picture."

"That IS the picture," Gosunkugi corrected him. "Read the description on the facing page."

"'Mogui,'" Ranma read aloud. "'This demon occasionally appears as a black cloud, but most mogui can take one other form that best suits their purpose. Mogui do not occur naturally, and must be summoned by a human for a specific purpose. Once summoned, a mogui will dedicate its entire existence to fulfilling its purpose, not resting until its master is satisfied.'"

"It sounds exactly like what you described, doesn't it?" asked Gosunkugi. "Both Upperclassman Kuno's story and what you heard from that old man fit the profile in the book."

"Great! Nice job," said Ranma. "So, where did it take Kodachi?"

"I have no idea," Gosunkugi admitted.

Ranma dropped the book angrily. "Then what good does this thing do us?"

"Well, according to the book, someone must have summoned the demon," explained Gosunkugi. "If you can figure out who summoned it, you'll find Kodachi."

"Then tell me, before I strike you down!" shouted Kuno.

"I told you, I don't know! It could be anyone who knows about your family fortune and wants ransom money, or maybe just someone who doesn't like Kodachi!"

Kuno scratched his chin. "It would be quite a large list, then...."

"And I take it not many people know about the money," Ranma murmured under his breath.

"This was a waste of time," said Kuno. "Come, Saotome. Let us go. This buffoon is not even worth the trouble to smite."

Stunned by Kuno's unusually civil tone, Ranma meekly allowed himself to be dragged out of the room.

"Hey, let me know if you find out anything else!" Gosunkugi called after them. "If you get more information, I might be able to help you narrow down the options!"

"Yeah, right!" Ranma called back. "Thanks for nothing," he added quietly.

It wasn't until they reached the street that Kuno let his exasperation show. "All that, and it came to naught! What faith had we in that cretin, anyway?"

"He was our best shot," Ranma pointed out. "And he did tell us what it was, at least. We just have to figure out who sent the demon."

"So it would seem," agreed Kuno.

"So...." Ranma shuffled his feet uncomfortably, steeling the nerves to broach the subject he'd come for now that he had a break in which to do it. "About our date tonight...."

"Date?" repeated Kuno. "Ah, yes. You speak of the pigtailed girl."

"Well, DUH." Ranma shook his head and silently wondered just how much of a moron Kuno was. "Of course I'd be the girl. But what I wanted to ask was, what do you think of that French restaurant near the high school?"

"French cuisine?" Kuno scratched his chin with his bokken as he considered the suggestion. "Yes, I think it will be the perfect venue for our soirée. Je pense que c'est bien."

"Uh, whatever. I've gotta go home and change."

"Yes, yes, do that," Kuno said dismissively. "Meanwhile, be sure to watch for clues. We must find the vile fiend who kidnapped my sister and make him pay for his crime!"

"Sure thing," agreed Ranma, glad that, for once, he wasn't the object of Kuno's burning desire for vengeance. Of course, he WAS the object of Kuno's other burning desire, and their date would probably only get the poor fool's hopes up. Still, it would be worth putting up with his amorous advances for one night just to see the look on Akane's face when he horned in on HER date....

  



	8. 7: Ranma's Double Dating Disaster

Ranma ½: A Deadly Choice 

Chapter 7: Ranma's Double Dating Disaster

Ranma stepped into the kitchen, took a deep breath, pressed his thumb against the spigot, and pulled the handle, spraying himself with cold water. He heard a startled gasp from behind him. "Ranma, is there some reason you're turning female?" asked Kasumi.

"I've got a date with Kuno tonight," explained Ranma. Then, thinking better of it, she shook her head. "Actually, don't ask. Do you think I could borrow one of your dresses?"

Kasumi's eyes grew even wider. "You're going to wear a dress? That isn't like you, Ranma!"

"I'm not really looking forward to it either," replied Ranma. "But Akane picked a fancy restaurant, and I know my street clothes aren't gonna cut it."

Kasumi blinked in surprise. "What does Akane have to do with anything? I thought you said your date was with Tatewaki Kuno."

Ranma bit her tongue. "The less you know about it, the better. I'm beginning to think maybe it wasn't such a great idea after all, but I'm committed."

Kasumi sighed. "Well, I still don't understand, but I suppose I can't argue with you. Unfortunately, I think my dresses would be a bit too large for you. You should probably ask Nabiki. She's the closest to your..." - she indicated her chest with her hands - "size."

"You think? I never really looked." Ranma caught herself glancing down at Kasumi's chest and noticed that it was, in fact, a bit smaller than her own. Then again, that was true of most girls, but she hadn't figured Nabiki the type to be so well endowed. Of course, she'd never really bothered to notice. Nabiki's mercenary spirit and incessant money-grubbing tended to be a dissuading factor whenever her chest was available for viewing.

Kasumi smiled. "I'm sure Nabiki will be happy to help you pick out a dress that will suit you."

"For a price," added Ranma.

"I'll speak to her for you if you want," offered Kasumi.

"Nah. Maybe she'll think it's such an amusing concept that she'll let me have the dress for free. And she'll probably want to take pictures, too. That'd make her more money than I could ever pay."

"My goodness, you're so clever!" remarked Kasumi.

Ranma shrugged. "I suppose so. Anyway, thanks for the offer, but I have a feeling I can handle Nabiki myself today." She turned and left the room.

Kasumi hummed contentedly, satisfied that she'd once again fulfilled her role as the helpful maternal figure. But there was something weighing on her mind... a detail that she'd forgotten to mention. Suddenly, it hit her. "Oh, wait!" she called after Ranma. "Akane is also trying on a -"

"RANMA! YOU PERVERT!" came the familiar shout from upstairs, followed by a loud SMACK! and the distinctive crash of a body penetrating a thick wooden ceiling.

"I'm charging you for the cost of repairing that hole, Akane," said Nabiki.

*************************************************

The maitre d' bowed as Akane and Ryoga entered the restaurant. "Welcome to Chez Reireishii, sir and madam," he greeted them. He sniffed haughtily, as if his highly-trained nose had detected the aroma of sub-affluence. "You realize that there is a one hundred thousand yen cover charge."

"A hundred thousand yen just to get in?" repeated Ryoga.

"Check or charge?" asked the maitre d'.

Ryoga sighed and pulled a large wad of bills out of the pocket of his tuxedo. "This dinner is going to cost me a fortune."

"Then you shouldn't have lost the fight," Akane reminded him.

The maitre d' daintily sniffed the money before tucking it into his suitcoat. "Very well, sir. Please step lively." He led the way to the far end of the restaurant, while Akane kept a firm grip on Ryoga's shoulder to prevent him from wandering off. Finally, he stopped at a table right between the doors that led to the kitchen and the bathrooms. "Your table."

Ryoga eyed the doors indignantly. "Not exactly getting the royal treatment, are we?"

"Shall I bring you the wine list, or would you prefer the soft drink menu?" asked the maitre d', his voice displaying none of the haughtiness that was so otherwise evident in his remark.

"Better make it soft drinks," said Ryoga, missing the masked tone completely. "We're underage."

The maitre d' sniffed. "Very well, sir. I shall return shortly."

Ryoga grumbled indistinctly under his breath as he pulled out Akane's chair. She took her seat and gaped at the display on the table. "Ryoga, look! The silverware is all made of pure diamond!" She held up a fork, which gleamed in the light of the crystal chandelier.

Ryoga seated himself and nodded. "No wonder this place is so expensive. I'm tempted to steal something myself."

"Don't!" warned Akane. "They're probably watching us!"

"For a hundred thousand yen, we'd better get more than just a dinner," said Ryoga.

"Oh, come on! This is going to be the best dinner you've ever had!"

Ryoga blushed and shuffled his feet. "Well, yeah... but that's just because you're here."

The fork fell from Akane's fingers and rang resoundingly as it hit the table. "What did you just say?"

"It really didn't matter to me where we ate... as long as we could be together."

Akane stared at the table uncomfortably. "Um... thank you, Ryoga. I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

Ryoga smiled inwardly. Once again, the book's advice had proven impeccable. 'Flattery is a false tool. Simply be honest with your significant other, and the kind words will come naturally.' But the next part was a bit more difficult. The book had been purposefully vague about what to do next, since it claimed that the right approach had to come from within, and any advice would be counterproductive. The problem was that without that advice, he was just Ryoga Hibiki... and that wouldn't help endear him to Akane at all.

"Yo! Ryoga and Akane! Fancy seeing you two here!" called an all-too-familiar voice from across the restaurant, cutting off Ryoga's thoughts.

Ryoga turned around to look, and immediately regretted it. "Oh, great," he murmured as he covered his face with his hands. "Ranma and Kuno are here."

"Ranma and Kuno?" repeated Akane, turning in her seat to look.

Ryoga grabbed her shoulder. "Don't look! Maybe if we pretend we're not here...."

His voice trailed off as it became evident that his hopes would not be realized. Kuno approached the table, dragging the maitre d' by an elbow. "Here," he announced. "We wish to be seated at this table."

"But sir, this table is reserved for" - he cleared his throat disparagingly - "middle class patrons. And as you can see, it is already occupied."

"Nevertheless, you shall seat us with the lovely Akane Tendo," asserted Kuno, producing a large wad of money and waving it under the maitre d's nose.

The maitre d' coughed. "I'm afraid I cannot accept your bribe, sir."

"Then how about this one?" asked Kuno, doubling the size of the stack.

The maitre d's hand darted out of his coat faster than the eye could see, whisking the money into a hiding place on his person. "Please, enjoy your meal."

"Hey! You can't just let them sit at our table!" protested Ryoga.

"They ARE old money," replied the maitre d'.

Kuno selected the seat next to Akane and sat down without waiting for Ranma. "Dearest Akane Tendo, please forgive me! In my haste to dine with the pigtailed girl, I shamefully neglected to invite you as well! Please, allow me to atone for this atrocious oversight by dining with you tonight!"

"Well, yeah," muttered Ranma as she took her seat. "Don't worry about me or nothin'."

"Oh, what joy it is that fills my heart!" cried Kuno, oblivious to the disgust of all three of his dinner companions. "To dine with both the lovely Akane and the gorgeous pigtailed girl in one night! It is my dream come true at last!"

Ryoga slammed his hands on the table and stood up abruptly. "Kuno, may I have a word with you in private?"

The haughtiness of Kuno's slow rise to a standing position rivaled anything that the maitre d' had done all evening. "Very well, peasant. We shall converse where the ears of my beloveds cannot hear."

The two men excused themselves from the table and made their way to a quiet corner of the restaurant. Once they were out of sight of their table, Ryoga jabbed an accusatory finger into Kuno's chest. "What's the big deal with horning in on our date?"

"I don't recall giving you permission to date Akane Tendo," replied Kuno.

"You're the one who told me how to get a date with her!" Ryoga shot back.

"Indeed. But I did not give you permission to use my advice," Kuno pointed out. "Besides, is it in fact true that a knave like you defeated Akane Tendo in combat?"

Ryoga rubbed the back of his head. "Well, not as such, no...."

Kuno smirked triumphantly. "I thought not."

Ryoga sighed in defeat. "Fine. I give up."

"What's the problem, anyway?" Ranma asked casually. "A double date can be fun too."

"Yeah, I suppose that's true," conceded Ryoga. Then he spun around. "What are you doing here?"

"We're waiting on you guys," replied Ranma. "The waiter's all ready to take our order."

"They're called 'waiters' because they wait for us," replied Kuno. "A rightful patron of this establishment would be familiar with that principle."

"Akane's stuck at the table all alone, waiting for us," Ranma pointed out.

Kuno pushed his way roughly past the other two in his haste to return to the table.

Ryoga glared at Ranma. "I know this is your fault, Ranma. But in the interest of keeping Akane happy, I'm not going to pound you now."

"Thanks," Ranma replied sarcastically. "You know, I hear they make a great dish of sweet and sour pork here." She smiled slyly at Ryoga. "What's the matter, pig-boy? You're turning a little green."

"You'd better not say anything in front of Akane, or else," threatened Ryoga.

"You're a fine one to talk, after you blabbed my secret to Kuno," countered Ranma.

"What? How did you know about that?"

"I didn't," replied Ranma. "But I had a hunch. Thanks for confirming it."

Ryoga paled. "Um... look, about that...."

"Hey, forget it," said Ranma. "Like you said, we gotta keep Akane happy, right? I just don't want you hogging all the thanks. Capice?"

Ryoga nodded. Even though his date had been crashed, he had the feeling he was getting off easy. "I got it. So let's get back to the table."

They returned to find Kuno fawning over Akane while she ignored him from behind her menu. "Akane Tendo, even your silence is more eloquent than all the works of Kenji Miyazawa," said Kuno, indicating that the treatment had been going on for quite some time.

"Hey, why don't you spend some time talking to YOUR date?" invited Ryoga as he took his seat.

"Of course!" said Kuno, spinning to face Ranma. "Pigtailed girl, how could I forget you?"

"Don't I wish," mumbled Ranma.

The waiter cleared his throat. "Might you be ready to order now, sirs and madams?"

"Oh, yeah," said Ryoga, picking up his menu. "Um, you girls go ahead and order. I'll just -"

As Ryoga's voice cut off, Ranma handed her menu to the waiter unopened. "Just give me the most expensive pork dish you've got."

"One Roast Suckling Pig for the young lady," recited the waiter, checking a box on his order pad.

"And I'll have the Braised Duck in Lemon Wine," said Akane.

The waiter nodded and checked another box. "And for the gentlemen?"

Ranma waved a hand in front of Ryoga's eyes. "Hey, Ryoga! He's talking to you!"

Ryoga merely gaped.

Kuno scoffed. "Surely he has seen the cost of TRUE food." He brazenly picked up the last menu and opened it. "The poor simply have no appreciation for -" He froze as he set eyes on the menu. "These prices... are insane! For this much money, I could buy a small country! Or a large country! Or even a medium-sized planet!"

"Your orders, sirs?" repeated the waiter impatiently.

Ryoga and Kuno cleared their throats and handed their menus to the waiter. "Glass of water," they said in unison.

*************************************************

Akane sighed glumly, reflecting on how badly the evening was going so far. Not a word had been exchanged for the entire duration of the meal, casting the entire table into a very uncomfortable silence. Ryoga and Ranma had spent the entire time glaring at each other, while Kuno was lost in his own world in admiration of his female companions. She tried to think of a way to start a conversation, but nothing came to mind. Instead, she absently continued to chew, sucked into the silence as completely as everyone else.

The waiter stepped up to the table and cleared his throat pointedly. "Here you are, sirs. Your... beverages."

"Hey, talk about service!" exclaimed Ranma. "We just ordered a few minutes ago!" She accepted a thin glass of cola from the waiter and sipped from it, staring intently at Akane. "Hey, Akane, how come you're chewing on your napkin?"

"I'm doing it to take my mind off of you," she muttered.

"What was that?" asked Ranma. "I can't understand you when your mouth is full."

Akane spat the napkin out and threw it at Ranma, nearly hitting the waiter as he put Kuno's water glass on the table. "What do you think I'm angry about, you jerk? This was supposed to be a fun evening, but ever since you and Upperclassman Kuno showed up, we haven't done anything!"

Ranma crossed her arms indignantly. "So, you'd rather we just left you and Ryoga to your date?"

"Who said anything about a date?" retorted Akane. "This is a victory dinner, if you must know!"

"What victory?" asked Ranma. "Don't tell me this has something to do with that thing earlier when I knocked Ryoga out because he was trying to beat you up."

Ryoga froze in mid-sip and turned to glare at Ranma. "YOU knocked me out?"

"Ah, the pigtailed girl proves herself to be most wily indeed!" exclaimed Kuno.

"Shut up!" shouted Ryoga. "You don't even know what we're talking about!"

"Insolence!" cried Kuno, swinging his arms in a grand gesture that sent his glass of water flying across the table, where it splashed its contents all over Ryoga before spinning around and coming to rest near the edge. Ryoga screamed and dove under the table.

"Way to go, Ranma!" spat Akane. "Now look what you've done!"

"What did I do?" Ranma asked innocently. "He spilled the water!"

"Like you didn't plan that from the start!" accused Akane. "I know you followed us to this restaurant just to interfere with our dinner!"

"I didn't follow you," replied Ranma. "I heard you -"Her voice died quickly as she felt something brush against her leg and realized that there was a more important problem to deal with. She quickly stuck a foot out and stepped on Ryoga's tuxedo, pulling it under her long dress as Akane pushed her chair back.

"Ryoga? Are you okay?" asked Akane. She lifted up the tablecloth and peered under the table. "He's gone!"

"Must've run to the bathroom to clean up," said Ranma. "I guess maybe I'd better go give him a hand." She stood up, slipping her foot under the pieces of Ryoga's tuxedo and shoving them on top of the cowering piglet.

Akane blinked. "You're going to the men's room looking like that?"

"Oh, right. I guess I'll have to change first, won't I?" She spun around and darted through the adjacent women's room door.

"What the heck is he thinking?" Akane asked aloud. "He's wearing a dress!"

"My thoughts I would gladly reveal to you," said Kuno, selectively ignoring most of her comment as usual. "Indeed, my only concern, as is always so, would be -"

"I don't want to hear what you think about me and the pigtailed girl," snapped Akane.

"Ah, she has read my mind!" cried Kuno. "Surely, it is a sign of how deeply in love we twain are!"

Akane groaned. "Oh, Ranma, hurry back!"

*************************************************

Ranma lifted Ryoga into the sink and turned the hot water on, then stepped back to allow the lost boy to hop to the ground as he regained human form. "There. I hope you're happy," she said.

Ryoga shook his head, sending droplets of warm water everywhere. "What do you mean, you hope I'm happy? You're the one who crashed OUR date!"

"So it IS a date!" Ranma declared triumphantly. She brushed the water from her dress, grateful that it hadn't been enough to trigger her own Jusenkyo curse.

"Yeah, it's a date!" Ryoga shot back. "And it was going great, until you butted in and ruined it!"

"Consider it payback for blabbing to Kuno," said Ranma. "If I have to eat dinner with that jerk, you might as well join me."

"Look, Ranma," Ryoga began. "About that whole secret-blabbing thing...."

The door opened, and Ranma quickly shoved Ryoga into the nearest stall and turned on the sink, pretending to wash her hands. A high-strung woman wearing a pearl necklace and a dress half-covered in thick white fur crossed the room, pausing only to sniff ever so slightly as she walked past Ranma, before stepping into the stall where Ryoga was hiding. There was a feminine shriek from within the stall, followed by a much deeper, masculine shriek that ended in a splash. Then, the woman ran out of the bathroom, screaming "A man! There's a man in the women's room! Someone call the manager immediately!"

"Great. You didn't even lock the stall door?" asked Ranma. She stepped around the partition, fished Ryoga out of the toilet, and dropped him into the sink again.

"Just give me my clothes," snarled Ryoga as he leapt to the floor again. "And remind me to kill you as soon as this date is over."

"I'm just wondering which is more embarrassing. Being caught naked in a women's bathroom, or having your curse triggered by toilet water. I hope whoever used it last flushed."

Ryoga blushed. "I swear, if you ever breathe a word of this to Akane, I'll...!"

"He's right in there!" exclaimed the excited woman's voice from just outside the door.

"Hey, you'd better hide," said Ranma.

"Yeah, right. And get dunked in the toilet again?"

Ranma covered the tap with her palm and turned the cold spigot, spraying Ryoga liberally. "Just shut up and hide under my dress," she advised. "I've got a plan."

There was a knock on the door. "Is anyone in there?" asked a deep voice.

"I'm just washing up!" Ranma shouted back. "Enter if you like!" Ryoga quickly slid under the hem of her dress. "You'd better not get any funny ideas, pal," muttered Ranma as the door opened. "If you've got so much as a tiny nosebleed when we get out of here...." That said, she smiled innocently at the manager and leaned against the sink, one hand covering the faucet while the other prepared to twist the handle that would disgorge hot water.

*************************************************

Akane watched the bathroom door anxiously as the hysterical woman led the manager inside. "What am I going to do? If Ranma's really in trouble, maybe I should help him! But then, it's his own fault for showing up here in the first place. But this could really be serious!" Her face fell as she felt Kuno's hand wrap around her own, and she pulled her arm back just in time to avoid his apologetic kiss.

"Oh, my dearest Akane, please forgive this tragic error!" begged Kuno. "My sorrow overwhelms me at my deplorable oversight in not inviting you on this soirée, even in the face of such joy that I discovered you already here!"

Akane sighed. "Kuno, get a clue. I'm really not interested in you."

"And such noble sacrifice as she depicts, in offering to forsake her love for me to preserve my own feelings!" continued Kuno. "Yet at that, I would love her all the more!" He took her hand again and stared into her eyes. "Please, allow me to atone for my shame by dating with you!"

She yanked her hand out of his grip again. "Hey, aren't you even a little worried about your date?"

"Our date?" he repeated. "But I've only just asked."

"No, I mean -"

"I tell you, that red-haired woman is a man!" protested the old woman as the manager dragged her out of the ladies' room. "And I saw him turn into a pig as well!"

"Madam, that is absurd!" exclaimed the manager. "I'll not tolerate you treating our customers that way, even if they are middle class! That woman happens to be the fiancée of a very prominent upper-class member of our establishment!"

"A pig, I tell you!" insisted the woman. "A tiny black beast with a yellow cloth around its neck!"

"Assuredly, Madam, you jest," said the manager sullenly, as he pushed her toward the front door.

Kuno shook his head sadly. "Why they let lunatics into places like this, I will never know."

Akane stared blankly, not sure which of the many thoughts running through her head she should express first. Finally, she picked one at random. "What was that she was shouting about a black pig? Was that P-chan? It couldn't be... did Ranma bring P-chan to this restaurant as some kind of joke? How could he? What would happen if somebody found him?"

Her train of thought ended abruptly as the waiter leaned over her shoulder. "Excuse me, Madam," he asked as he lifted the cover from the plate in his hand. "Is this your pig?" She turned around to face a roast suckling pig on a silver platter, surrounded by succulent garden-fresh greens, its jaw clamped around a small apple, beside a bed of finest whipped potatoes sprinkled with chives for garnish.

She fainted.

Kuno stretched out an arm to catch her. "Ah! So overcome with her passion for me that she swoons! I am so touched! Yet shall I, like Prince Charming, awaken her hereby with a kiss." He puckered up and bent down to lightly kiss her on the lips.

Akane's eyes flew open as Kuno made contact, and she found herself staring into his lust-filled gaze. Her hand rose to sharply smack the side of his head even before she'd realized what she was seeing. He let go of her in his surprise, but no sooner had she fallen to the floor than she climbed back into her seat and grabbed her glass of soda, threw back as much as she could hold in her mouth and gargled loudly. She spat the liquid disgustedly back onto the glass and stuck out her tongue. "Gross! Why do I always wake up with some creepy guy's tongue down my throat?"

Kuno blinked. "To be fair, dearest, I had not yet -"

"Shut. Up," said Akane, clearly enunciating each word. "I. Don't. Want. To. Hear. It."

Kuno stared back in sullen silence, unable to comprehend why she seemed so upset after having been privileged to receive his kiss. Not wanting to waste the silence, Akane glared right back, breathing heavily, until Ranma and Ryoga returned to their seats, laughing uproariously.

"Oh, man, that was a classic!" cried Ranma. "I can't believe she fell for it!"

Ryoga nodded, brushing tears of joy from his eyes. "Oh, yeah! I wish I'd seen the look on her face! I thought I was gonna die laughing!"

Akane's anger toward Kuno vanished, swept into obscurity by newfound rage at the other two. "You two set that thing up?"

Ranma's laughter died in her throat. "Well, yeah. What else would Ryoga and I have been doing in the women's bathroom?"

"What's the matter?" asked Ryoga. "You seem upset about something."

"Upset?" repeated Akane, her voice raising several octaves with each syllable. "UPSET? What do you think? That was the most insensitive thing you two have ever done!"

"Wow, that's going pretty far," said Ranma under her breath. Aloud, she did her best to defend herself. "Come on, Akane. It was just a joke. Nobody got hurt."

Much to Ranma's surprise, Akane slammed her fists on the table and stood up, knocking over the waiter and both of the dishes he was holding. "That was a really rotten joke! I can't believe the two of you could be so cruel!"

"What'd we do?" asked Ryoga, shrinking from Akane's righteous indignation.

Akane quickly turned her back on the table to hide the tears that were starting to run from her eyes. "You... jerks! How could you? All I wanted was a nice dinner... even if Ranma and Kuno were here, I thought we could all get along. But you had to go and ruin it! I'm sorry I ever came here!" With that, she ran out of the restaurant, narrowly evading Ryoga's attempt to grab her arm before she could get away.

"Wait, Akane Tendo!" shouted Kuno. "We have yet to finish our kiss!"

"Like that's going to bring her pelting back," muttered Ryoga.

Ranma grabbed Kuno's shoulder and spun him around. "You kissed Akane? You bastard!"

"Of course! How callous of me!" With that, Kuno threw his arms around Ranma and planted a wet one right on her lips.

It didn't take long for Ranma's foot to embed itself deep in Kuno's gut, knocking him off the chair to land on the waiter's prone form, but the damage had been done. Ranma grabbed Akane's soda glass and gargled heartily, spitting the liquid back into the glass when she was done. "I can't get rid of the taste!" she whined, spitting into the glass again. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Winded, Kuno neglected to answer, but Ryoga's laughter prevented the quiet restaurant from lapsing into total silence. "I can't believe it!" he chortled. "Ranma's first kiss was with Kuno!"

"It was not!" Ranma shouted back. Then, thinking of the kiss that HAD been her first, she bit her tongue. One kiss from a man was far more than enough. "I kissed Shampoo once, remember?"

Kuno sat up and blinked. "Shampoo? The serving maiden at the house of ramen?" His eyes rolled upward as he tried to picture it.

Ranma quickly kicked him in the head. "Don't get any funny ideas, jerk! I was a man at the time!"

"That's impossible," said Kuno. "Such a body as yours is too perfect to be the result of cosmetic surgery! I will not believe it!"

"Cosmetic... surgery...?" Ranma shook her head. "What are you talking about? Don't you know about the curse?"

"Ah, yes, the tragic story of your youth related to me by an anonymous man by the name of Ryoga Hibiki!" recalled Kuno. "It is said that when you were but a baby, you were dropped into a bath of boiling water, and that your fear of hot water lasts to this day! Such a disgrace was it to your family that your father disowned you, and if your mother ever found out, she would use it against you to force you to marry a man other than myself! That must not come to pass, and so I shall defend you with my life!"

Ranma continued to stare at Kuno for several long minutes before she finally raised her gaze to Ryoga. "Fear of hot water? Father disowned me? Marry a man?" She pressed her fists together and cracked her knuckles. "Tell me, Ryoga... where would he get such a ridiculous idea?"

"Um...." Ryoga reached up and loosened his collar. "You know what? I just remembered I have to be somewhere else right now. I don't think it really matters where, since I won't be able to find it anyway...." He quickly leapt aside as Ranma lunged across the table, narrowly avoiding what would have been a crushing grasp. He turned and fled from the restaurant with the angry pseudo-girl in hot pursuit.

"Wait for me, my beloved!" shouted Kuno as he climbed to his feet. "I shall smite the infidel for you!" He managed one step toward the door, crushing a few of the poor waiter's vital organs, before he was stopped by a hand holding a small piece of paper in front of his face. His eyes crossed as he tried to read the numbers that were so small and yet so large. "This can't be...."

"Your check, sir," announced the manager.

Kuno fainted.

*************************************************

Ukyo triumphantly stacked the last of the clean dishes on the appropriate shelf and dropped her dishtowel next to the sink. "Whew! Even after all the customers are gone, there's a lot to do to keep a big place like this running! I'm definitely going to have to find an assistant once the new school year starts." She tapped her chin with a finger. "Then again, I could have a whole wait staff, like a real restaurant! No more of this mom-and-pop nonsense. It's time for Ukyo Kuonji to move up to the big time!" She boldly shoved the swinging door open and stepped out into the restaurant. "Look out world, because here I - Ranma?"

"Hey," said Ranma with a casual wave. "How's it going?"

"What are you doing here so late?" asked Ukyo. "I've been closed for half an hour."

Ranma shrugged. "Figured maybe you'd like to go somewhere together."

Ukyo blinked. "Are you asking me on a date?"

"I guess so," replied Ranma. "Why not?"

Ukyo giggled shyly. "Yeah, I suppose so. I mean, you're usually not this forward."

"Oh, right." Ranma blushed and rubbed the floor with his toe. "Well, if you don't want to, then I guess...."

"No, that's not it at all!" said Ukyo, feeling a blush coming to her own face. "I'd love to! You just caught me by surprise is all."

"Do you need time to get ready, then?" offered Ranma.

Ukyo pulled off her apron and threw it onto a random table. "Ready."

Ranma smiled broadly. "You look cute no matter what you wear."

Ukyo's blush deepened, and she had to restrain herself from grabbing the apron to cover her face. "What's gotten into you, Ranma honey?"

"Don't worry about it," said Ranma, offering his elbow. "Shall we go?"

Ukyo started to stretch out her arm, then stopped. "I don't know... this is too weird. What's Akane going to think?"

"What does she matter?" asked Ranma. "I'm here for you."

"You're not even worried," observed Ukyo. "Something's wrong here. You normally can't get within a mile of me without Akane showing up, and you NEVER hold a conversation with me without mentioning her at least once. Usually looking over your shoulder to make sure she's not there."

"Tonight's our night," said Ranma, stretching his arms toward her. "Forget about Akane."

"No," Ukyo said firmly, backing away. "I don't feel comfortable with this. Not tonight. Let's make a date for another time, okay? I close early on Tuesdays...."

"I can't wait any longer," said Ranma as he advanced on her. "I have to be with you tonight."

Ukyo reached down to her belt and grabbed a handful of spatulas. "Stay away from me!" she shouted. "Don't make me use these!"

When Ranma showed no signs of stopping, Ukyo hauled back and hurled the spatulas from point blank range. Without even slowing his stride, Ranma blocked each one with a sweep of his arm, catching it in his other hand and sending it back at her faster than her eyes could follow. Even before her arm had finished the throwing motion, she was pinned to the wall by her own spatulas.

"How did you do that?" she asked, panic rising in her voice. "Even Ranma isn't THAT fast!"

"I thought you already knew I wasn't the real Ranma," replied her assailant. His body dissolved into a flowing black cloud. "Ordinarily, the Projectile Return technique would have killed you, but I can't afford to let you die on me. I need you alive."

Ukyo's eyes scanned the room, searching for a means of escape, but the demon filled most of her field of vision as it reached for her face. Frantically, she pulled her right arm away from the wall, tearing right out of her sleeve in her effort to escape. The shift in weight caused the rest of her uniform to give at the seams, and she fell to the floor in her undershirt and panties.

"Quite a lovely view," teased the demon. "But that beautiful body is all mine now." The cold mist of the demon's body brushed against her back, and she quickly rolled to the side, sat up, and lunged through the kitchen door. She landed on her back and watched in horror as the black fog oozed through the cracks surrounding the still-swinging door, pouring into the room in search of her. She scrambled to her feet, slipping a bit on the slick floor, and ran out the back door, slamming it closed behind her. Without waiting to see whether that would prove to be an effective barrier, she ran away as fast as her bare feet could carry her, trying to shut out the demon's enraged screams as she escaped into the cold Nerima night.


	9. 8: Ranmaotoko vs Ranmaoni

Ranma ½: A Deadly Choice 

Chapter 8: Ranma-otoko vs. Ranma-oni

Ryoga ran breathlessly through the streets of the Nerima District, not pausing even for a moment to look back at his pursuer. He'd lost track of how long he'd been running, but his aching lungs told him it was far too long. He'd also lost track of where he was going, but that went without saying. Still, he ran on, afraid that if he slowed down at all, it would be upon him, ending his life in a manner he couldn't even begin to imagine. It followed him with its boundless energy, never more than a few feet behind him, waiting for the chance to strike. He didn't plan to give it that chance.

Suddenly, a delicate but firm hand closed on Ryoga's shoulder, pulling him to a halt. "What's the big idea of spreading that ridiculous story about me, you jerk?" shouted Ranma as she whirled him around to face her. "I had to agree to a date with KUNO of all people!"

"I can explain," began Ryoga, before realizing that his statement was a total lie. He abandoned that line and tried another defense. "Please don't kill me!"

"Kill you? Why would I do something like that?"

Ryoga sighed in relief.

"That'd be way too quick. I plan to make sure you suffer for this."

"Hey, be reasonable," pleaded Ryoga. "That's not like you, is it?"

Ranma let go of him. "No, it's not. But you've been a real jerk recently, and I know Akane's at the center of whatever it is. First you steal her panties and do a really horrible job trying to frame me for it - but it works - and sneak back into her room to make out with her. Then you try to beat her up, again making me look like the bad guy -"

"YOU stood on my head," Ryoga pointed out.

"- and then you take her out to dinner, and even though she claims it wasn't a date, I know the way you think better than that. So spill it, piggy. What's the deal between you two?"

"Nothing!" Ryoga protested. "Look, I could explain all of that, but it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense. It's all just a big coincidence!"

"Don't tell me you and Akane just happened to be at the same restaurant, at the same table, in fancy dinner clothes."

Ryoga blushed. "Well, yeah, we arranged that ahead of time. But it was her idea!"

"Quit lying through your teeth! Akane's not interested in you!"

"You think she's interested in YOU?" Ryoga shot back. "You can't even treat her properly! You insult her constantly, you never eat her cooking, and you don't give her the respect she deserves!"

Ranma's hands curled into fists as she slowly began to lose control of her temper. "Don't go there, pig-boy. You don't want to give me a reason to hurt you."

"Is it me who's making you mad, or is it the truth?"

"I can't very well pound the truth," returned Ranma, her teeth tightly clenched. "But I can sure as hell beat you into a bloody pulp!"

Ryoga shrugged disinterestedly. "Egrul says 'the first one to resort to violence is the one who has run out of intelligent things to say.'"

Ranma paused, searching for a clever reply. After a few seconds of deliberation, she hauled back and punched Ryoga squarely in the nose. "You know something?" she asked. "I think that guy's got a point. I had no idea what to say just then."

Ryoga quickly slid his bandana down his face, securing it under his nose to stem the flow of blood. "That was a cheap shot, Ranma. I'm considering that a victory for me."

"Whatever," said Ranma. "I think I've made my point. Now, if I ever catch you doing anything I don't like with Akane, so help me, I'll -" Her threat was cut off as a nearly naked girl plowed into her from behind, knocking her flat on her face. She rolled over to find herself staring into Ukyo's terror-stricken face. "Ucchan? What are you doing here?"

Ukyo screamed and pushed herself away from Ranma, scrambling to get to her feet, but her legs tangled in Ranma's dress, and she fell back on top of Ranma, inadvertently pressing her lips against Ranma's.

Ryoga shook his head disapprovingly. "And you accuse Akane of cheating on you...."

Ranma grabbed Ukyo's arms firmly. "What gives, Ucchan? You're freaking out!"

"Not to mention unclothed," added Ryoga.

As if to prove Ranma's point, Ukyo twisted in her grip, trying to escape. "Let me go, you demon!"

Ranma felt Ukyo's knee land a hard blow in her groin and thanked the gods that she wasn't in her own body. "Hey, cut that out! What do you think you're doing?"

"Help! So-" Ukyo screamed, before Ranma clapped a hand over her mouth to silence her. Ukyo quickly brought her free arm to bear, swinging it at Ranma's head, but Ranma rolled aside and stood up, pulling Ukyo with her.

"Ukyo, calm down!" snapped Ranma. "Just look at me and tell me what's going on!" She grabbed Ukyo's head and turned it so that they were looking into each other's eyes. Ukyo's tear-filled eyes slowly softened as she saw Ranma's concerned expression and realized that she wasn't going to kill her.

Finally, Ukyo blinked her tears away and sniffed. "You're... you're really Ranma honey?"

"Well, duh. Who'd you think I was?"

Without giving an answer, Ukyo pulled free of Ranma's relaxed grip and threw both arms around the redhead, burying her face in the front of Ranma's dress. "Oh God! I was so scared! I thought you were that demon that tried to kill me!"

"I'm no demon," replied Ranma. "Tell her, Ryoga."

"He may be a jerk to Akane, but he's no demon," confirmed Ryoga.

"Thanks for the editorial," grumbled Ranma. Then, the clues accumulating in the conversation finally came together in her mind. "Wait... did you see a demon that looked like me?"

Ukyo pried herself away from Ranma's chest, but still couldn't look Ranma in the face. "It was your male form, but it looked just like you," she explained. "It came into the restaurant as I was closing up, and at first I thought it really was you. But then it changed... into this big black cloud... and I tried to fight it off with my spatulas, but it threw them right back and pinned me to the wall! Then all my clothes tore, and I ran out the back door and got away." Her head jerked up, and she scanned the streets like a frightened squirrel. "Oh God! What if it's still after me?"

"Hey, calm down," said Ranma. "We're here to protect you. It's not going to attack you again while Ryoga and I are here."

Ukyo caught her breath at last. "Ranma... what am I going to do now? Look at me! I'm a total mess, and I can't go back to my restaurant...."

"We're going back there together," announced Ranma. "That demon already kidnapped Kodachi Kuno, and now it's come after you. I want answers, and I'm going to get them right now."

Ukyo's eyes widened in horror. "No! We can't go back there! What if it's still after me?"

"That's what I'm hoping for," replied Ranma. "Ryoga, you go warn Akane about the demon. I have a feeling it's going to come after her next."

Ryoga jumped at suddenly being included in the conversation again. "Me? Why me? Why don't you do it?"

"Because I have to go with Ukyo," replied Ranma. "The demon obviously wants something from me, or it wouldn't be using my form."

"But Akane hates me right now, remember?" Ryoga protested.

"She hates me too," Ranma reminded him. "But if I know Akane, she's already forgiven you and pinned the blame squarely on me." Her eyes narrowed, and her voice grew slightly colder. "Besides, you and she are an item now, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah, but..." Ryoga began, completely missing the venom in Ranma's statement. Then he caught a glimpse of Ranma's malicious stare, and he quickly shook his head and started over. "No! We're not! Besides, I thought you didn't want me having anything to do with Akane!"

Ranma stepped aside, letting him get a good view of Ukyo. "Look, we can't very well go in there with me in a dirty dress and Ukyo in her underwear, can we? You know Akane's going to get the wrong idea about that! Just go in there, warn her that there's a demon that looks like me coming after her, and stay with her to make sure it doesn't get to her. No making out behind my back again. Can you handle that?"

"But how do you expect me to find my way there?" asked Ryoga.

Ranma slammed her hand against the sign nailed to the nearby wall which read "Tendo Dojo of Anything-Goes Martial Arts". "Good luck getting lost," she said sarcastically.

Ryoga sighed and gave up trying to get out of the chore. "Fine. I'll do it." He climbed over the wall and let himself into the Tendos' yard.

"I hope he can behave himself." Ranma turned around and took Ukyo's arm. "Come on. You go hide in the bushes while I sneak into my room and get some hot water and some new clothes. I am NOT fighting a demon in a dress."

"Wait, Ranma...."

Ranma turned to face her. "What?"

Ukyo's gaze dropped to the ground. "Thank you."

"Hey, I'm worried about this thing too. That demon's giving me a bad name, and I'm going to put a stop to it, no matter what."

Ukyo shook her head. "That's not what I mean." She stepped closer and quickly kissed Ranma on the lips before she could react.

Ranma blinked in confusion. "Uh... what was that for?"

Ukyo shook her head and turned away so that Ranma couldn't see her flushed face. "Never mind. I just got caught up in the moment."

Ranma rubbed her cheek. "I just hope Akane didn't see that."

Ukyo quickly took a few steps away and leapt over the wall, landing in a bush on the far side. Ranma followed. "Hey, what's the matter?" she asked.

"Nothing," replied Ukyo, her voice slightly choked. "Just go do what you have to do, and let's get out of here."

"Right." Ranma made a beeline for the house, wondering why everything in her life suddenly seemed to be changing more quickly than she could keep up with. 

*************************************************

"So, you say Ukyo escaped, and you were unable to follow her?" repeated Cologne.

"Correct," replied the demon.

Cologne's expression darkened. "Then she's probably gone to find Son-in-law. But even he won't be able to stand up to the power of a demon."

"Indeed."

"They will return to Ukyo's restaurant," Cologne pondered aloud. "I want you to return there tonight?"

The demon swirled questioningly. "Return...?"

"It's for the best," Cologne replied firmly. "The kidnappings must proceed on schedule if our plan is to work. We can't afford any surprises. However...."

"However?"

"Something troubles me about Son-in-law's role in all of this. He's too close to the missing girls now, and we will need his willing participation soon, or everything will be lost. You had best not let him discover your true nature."

The demon's mass began to churn feverishly. "Elder?" it asked uncertainly.

"It is of the utmost importance," affirmed Cologne. "You know what will happen if Ranma discovers that you work for me."

The demon paused briefly before answering. "Yes."

"Good. Then I am sure we will get what we need from him in due time. I know you will not fail me."

The demon chuckled confidently. "Indeed."

*************************************************

Akane slipped the dress off over her head, carefully returned it to its hanger, and crossed the room to retrieve her pajamas from their daytime home in her dresser. As she slid the drawer open, however, she heard a similar sliding sound behind her, and spun around to see a figure clad in black climb in through her now-open window, with a dark cloth tied under its nose. She wasted no time in throwing herself on top of the intruder with an ear-splitting scream, knocking him to the floor under her weight.

"Akane, wait! It's me!" protested the hapless wanderer.

Akane quickly sat up. "Ryoga? What are you doing here this late at night? And why are you...?" She trailed off as she realized that he was still wearing his tuxedo from dinner, which explained why his clothing was so dark. As for the bandana... "What happened to your nose?"

"Ranma punched me," he explained. "Then he asked me to come and tell you -" He looked up and saw her for the first time since entering the room, and his face turned bright red. "You might want to put some clothes on."

"Ranma said that?" asked Akane, very confused. Then, she remembered her unclothed state and blushed fit to match Ryoga. "Oh. Yeah." She chuckled weakly. "We seem to end up like this a lot, don't we?"

"Heh heh. Yeah. Funny." Ryoga rubbed his head nervously. "You might want to get dressed quickly. That was a really loud scream...."

The bedroom door burst open and Ranma charged into the room, her dress tearing as she stepped on it in her haste. "Akane, what's wrong? I heard a scream, and - oh, it's you, Ryoga." She shook her head. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Ranma, it's not what you think!" protested Ryoga. "She was getting changed when I came in!"

"Actually, that's about what I thought," Ranma informed him.

"Who are you to talk?" Ryoga shot back. "You're in a dress!"

"And Akane isn't," Ranma retorted. "So what are you doing with her in there?"

Akane's blush deepened, and she picked up a chair to throw at Ranma. "Get out of my room already, you pervert!"

Ranma quickly darted into the hall and closed the door behind herself to block the chair. "So I'm a pervert, but Ryoga gets to sit there and get a full view?" she shouted through the door. "I'VE got a girl's body of my own to look at if I feel like peeping. What's his excuse?"

"Ryoga isn't a pervert like you!" Akane shouted back. "And this isn't about him anyway!"

Ranma fell uncharacteristically silent for a few seconds. Finally, her voice came back through the door, barely more than a whisper. "I told you so, Ryoga." The sound of footsteps marked her retreat to her own room.

Akane blinked. "Told you what?"

Ryoga sighed. "He said you'd have forgiven me for the restaurant thing, but not him."

"Oh!" Akane gasped, remembering something. "I almost forgot in all the excitement! I have to apologize!"

"Apologize?"

Akane nodded shamefully. "Yeah... I overreacted and ruined our evening. Even if it was a mean joke, it didn't really hurt anyone, and all I did was make the problem worse by leaving everyone behind. But I was so angry that if I hadn't left just then...."

Ryoga encircled Akane with his arms, forgetting about her lack of clothing. "It's okay, Akane. It's all over now, so let's just forget about it."

"Uh, Ryoga... could you not do that?"

Ryoga quickly let go and turned away. "I'm sorry too, Akane. I shouldn't have... done what I did."

"It's okay," replied Akane, as she slipped into her pajamas at last. "I'm just worried about P-chan. That's all. I haven't seen him since the restaurant, and I was really worried."

"P-chan?" repeated Ryoga. "I'm sure he'll turn up eventually."

"Yeah, he always does," agreed Akane. "You always know just what to say to make me feel better."

"Well...."

Akane smiled. "It's okay. I just want to thank you for stopping by. You're a real friend, Ryoga."

"Hey, anytime," said Ryoga, turning around just in time to catch the beginning of Akane's smile. He quickly stood up and returned to the open window, his job done now that Akane was happy once again. "I'd better go. Have a good night's sleep."

"You too," Akane called after him as he leapt.

Once in the backyard and out of sight, Ryoga quickly shed his clothes and threw them into the bushes before hopping into the pond. It wasn't until after he'd climbed out, shaken himself dry, and started back toward the house that he remembered he was supposed to warn Akane about the demon coming to get her. Oh well. At least he'd be at her side all night to protect her.

Minutes later, Ranma emerged quietly from the house and made his way to the bushes near the front gate, carrying a bundle of clothes. "Hey, Ukyo? Where'd you go?" he whispered.

"I'm over here, Ranma honey!" called Ukyo from the far end of the yard. She stepped into view wearing Ryoga's shirt and pants.

Ranma blinked. "Where did you get...? He was wearing...."

"Ryoga took off his clothes and threw them over here," replied Ukyo. "I figured it was better than nothing until you got back. It's freezing out here."

"Sorry I took so long," Ranma apologized. "There was some... stuff." He clenched his fists, scrunching the clothes into a ball. "I swear I'm going to kill that jerk for this, one of these days."

"Well, in the meantime, do you mind if I get changed?" asked Ukyo, pointing to the ball of cloth in his hands.

"Huh? You want to wear these? But you've already got clothes."

Ukyo pulled at her shirt uneasily. "I don't like the way these fit."

Ranma sighed and tossed the bundle of clothes to her. "Fine. But hurry up. I want to get this demon problem over with."

Ukyo sheepishly retreated into the thickest bushes to change.

Ranma waited as patiently as he could, going for nearly a full thirty seconds before he felt the need to say something. "Hey, are you just stalling because you're afraid to go back?"

"N-no!" stammered Ukyo in a tone that made it quite clear that he'd hit the nail on the head.

"I'm not looking forward to this either," said Ranma. "This demon got the better of Kodachi, and she's no pushover. And you barely managed to escape alive. But you can't spend the rest of your life running away."

"That depends on how long the rest of my life is," replied Ukyo. "Or is it the other way around?"

"Ha ha," said Ranma, without a trace of humor. "Do you want my help or not?"

Ukyo gasped and dropped the shirt she was holding, causing the leaves to rustle. "You wouldn't leave me alone, Ranma honey!"

"That's why we're going to face this demon together," agreed Ranma. "And I want to do it before I fall asleep on my feet."

There was a brief pause. "Sorry," Ukyo said at last. "I'll hurry up."

True to her word, Ukyo emerged quickly wearing a set of clothes identical to Ranma's. "You know something?" she asked, tugging at the shirt fabric. "I can see why you wear these all the time. They're pretty comfortable. Feels like they were made for me."

Ranma shrugged. "Yeah, they're good clothes. You ready to go or what?"

Ukyo swallowed nervously. "Ready when you are, I guess." She clenched her fists and steeled what confidence she could muster. "Let's do this."

*************************************************

Ranma roughly shoved the door open as he strode into Ucchan's. "Yo, demon! Come on out and face me like a man!"

Ukyo quickly shushed him. "What do you think you're doing? Do you want it to hear you?"

"Well, yeah," replied Ranma. "How else am I supposed to call it out so I can fight it?"

"Actually, I wouldn't mind if it decided to stay hidden for the night," Ukyo pointed out.

"Would you be able to sleep?" retorted Ranma.

Ukyo shivered. "Fine, let's go find it then."

"Stay close to me," advised Ranma. They wove their way between the tables and made for the back of the restaurant, watching and listening closely for any sign of the demon. However, the building was eerily silent save for their own breathing and footsteps.

Ranma cautiously pushed the kitchen door open and peered inside. "Anyone home?" He pulled his head out of the room and shrugged. "Not in there." He turned to see Ukyo lovingly retrieving her spatula bandolier from her fallen clothes and strapping it around herself.

"Ah, that feels better," she said as she made the final adjustments. "I was beginning to feel naked without my belt."

"You mean, more than you were without your clothes on?"

Ukyo smashed Ranma in the face with her battle spatula, a blush coloring her face. "Don't talk about that! It was embarrassing enough already!"

Ranma rubbed his nose, which was the same shade of red as Ukyo's cheeks. "Well, geez. And I thought the demon was going to be a threat."

Ukyo's blush deepened. "Sorry. You know I can't control myself when I get excited."

"Yeah, well, be that as it may, I don't see any sign of the demon here."

Ukyo sighed her relief. "Thank god."

"We're not safe yet. We'll have to stay together for tonight and sleep in shifts in case it comes for you."

"Stay together?" repeated Ukyo. "Like... a sleepover?"

Ranma shook his head. "This isn't like that. This is life or death."

"Yeah, I know." Ukyo forced a smile. "But still, we can try to make the most of it, right? No sense feeling down when we've got each other!"

Ranma sighed. "I hope Akane's okay. The demon might have gone after her instead."

Ukyo grabbed Ranma's chin and turned his face to hers. "Ranma honey, you're with me, remember? Why do you always have to talk about Akane when we're together?"

"Because I'm here to protect you, but I'm not there to protect Akane," Ranma replied levelly. "So I'm worried about her."

Ukyo fretted. "I know, but still...."

"You know, I could have told Ryoga to stay with you while I waited with Akane," Ranma pointed out. "But I picked you over her. So don't get jealous, okay?"

"I am not jealous!" shouted Ukyo, far too forcefully. "Well, maybe a little...."

Ranma shook his head again. "Well, we can't go back to my place, so we're going to have to go to yours."

"We're already here," said Ukyo. "I'm renting the apartment upstairs."

Ranma blinked in surprise. "There's an upstairs?"

"Yeah. The rent's steep, but my profits more than cover -" She broke off as she realized what Ranma was so worried about. "... We should have checked upstairs, shouldn't we?"

"Stay here," said Ranma, his voice cold with masked fear. "If I give you the signal, run as fast as you can and get back to the Tendo Dojo. I don't know whether Ryoga will be able to fight the demon if I can't, but he's probably your best chance."

"But Ranma honey, I can't just leave you here!"

"There's no sense in both of us getting killed. I'll keep the demon busy so you can escape."

"But -!"

"Just do it," spat Ranma in a tone that left her speechless. Without giving her another chance to protest, he swept through the kitchen door, leaving Ukyo alone in the restaurant. She brought her arms in close and shivered, suddenly feeling very cold and scared. Every tiny creak and cricket chirp made her jump and her heartbeat speed up to double time. It seemed like Ranma had been gone forever, but he'd only just left. She knew she had to calm down, or her nerves would be a mess when all this was over with, but having had Ranma at her side was so comforting that without him, she felt like the demon would attack at any moment.

When Ranma finally did return, it was a welcome relief. "No sign of the demon upstairs either," he announced as he entered the room. "It's all clear."

Ukyo sighed and pressed a hand to her still-racing heart. "Man, I was so scared. Don't leave me like that again."

"Don't worry. I'll keep you safe." Ranma offered her his hand. "Come on, let's go upstairs and get to sleep."

Ukyo smiled. "Yeah, let's." She reached out to take Ranma's hand.

"Ukyo, don't!" shouted Ranma from the kitchen. The door burst open as he flew through it, his foot aimed at the demon's head. The demon spun around, grabbing Ranma's leg and swinging him easily around in a circle, throwing him into the wall next to the door, where Ukyo had been pinned earlier. Ranma cried out in pain as a protruding spatula handle jabbed into his spine, but managed to keep his wits about him and land safely on his hands and knees. "Ukyo, run!" he shouted. "Don't let it get near you again!"

Ukyo stared at both Ranmas, trying to figure out what was happening. "Ranma honey? But then...."

"I thought it would come after you if I left you alone, so I went upstairs to lure it out," Ranma explained quickly. "Now get out of here so I can fight it!"

"But I can't!" Ukyo shouted back, brandishing the battle spatula and preparing to face the demon. The demon simply grabbed the spatula's handle in one hand and reached for her face with the other, moving so quickly that she had no time to react.

Fortunately, Ranma hadn't been caught by surprise. He quickly threw a spatula that he'd pried from the wall at the demon, aiming for the hand in front of Ukyo's face. The demon caught the projectile, and with a flick of its fingers, sent it right back at Ranma, who plucked it from the air and hauled back to throw it again.

Seizing advantage of the demon's distraction, Ukyo quickly pulled her spatula out of the demon's grip and backed away, pulling it back to swing it at her opponent.

"Don't!" Ranma shouted again. "It'll just attack you again! Get out of here now!" He leapt to his feet and plucked more of the spatulas from the wall, arming himself to defend Ukyo while she made her escape. However, Ukyo still wasn't ready to retreat. She took a swing at the demon, who stuck out a hand and stopped the spatula instantly. The shock of the impact sent shivers through Ukyo's entire body, paralyzing her. The demon reached for her again, but Ranma threw the entire salvo of spatulas at it at once, forcing it to use both hands to catch and return them all. This time, Ranma had to throw himself aside, taking a few glancing blows as he dodged the worst of the attack.

Ukyo gathered her senses and stepped back, hefting her spatula again. "Ranma honey, hang on!"

"Just go already!" Ranma shouted back. "I can't fight it while you're here!"

That got her attention. The last thing she wanted was to make Ranma lose because he was too busy trying to defend her. She cut quickly past the demon and broke for the kitchen door. Surprisingly, the demon made no move to stop her, and she made it to the kitchen unopposed.

Once she was gone, the demon chuckled. "You realize she's only going upstairs to hide, don't you?"

"Fine by me," said Ranma, wiping the spit from his lips. "As long as it's just you and me, I don't have to hold back."

"Excellent," said the demon, breaking its fighting stance to stand perfectly erect. "That's exactly what I was hoping for."

Ranma blinked. "What, you're not gonna fight back?"

"Try me and see."

Its voice was completely non-threatening, but Ranma wasn't fooled for a second. The situation was obviously a trap. "What do you want from me, demon?"

"Nothing at all," replied the demon. "Your form is simply the most convenient for what I have to do."

"And what's that?"

"I can't tell you. It would negate my purpose, and without my purpose, I am nothing."

Ranma tensed in preparation. "Got news for you, pal. You ain't nothing anyway!" With that, he leapt, swinging his fists. The demon leaned back, sticking out a foot to intercept him. While Ranma twisted around the attack, the demon caught his wrist and brought its foot up under Ranma, throwing him into the ceiling. Ranma hit hard enough to leave a dent in the plaster, then fell down right into the demon's arms. It caught him and pulled him down, ramming its knee into his gut, then threw him to the floor.

Ranma slowly rolled away and climbed to his feet. "That was a lucky shot."

"You think so?" asked the demon. "Then why don't you try attacking me again?"

"Oh, I will," spat Ranma. He felt the hate rising within him and channeled it, determined to defeat the demon at any cost. This was the attack that never failed him, and even a demon would fall to its power. He raised his hands and drew the energy from deep within. "MOKO TAKABISHA!"

"Now there's an attack!" cheered the demon as the ball of energy shot across the room at it. It stuck out a hand and caught the energy as if it were a mere basketball. "Pure self-confidence in handy soul energy form. Quite a useful tool, in the right hands." It tossed the ball into the air and clapped three times before catching it.

The color drained from Ranma's face as he watched the demon play with his attack like a toy.

"Awww, what's the matter?" asked the demon teasingly. "You look like you've lost your confidence! Then maybe I should... give it back!" It caught the ball and threw it at Ranma, who was too drained to dodge. The attack threw him into the far wall, and he collapsed to the floor.

The demon shook its head disapprovingly. "You just don't understand, do you?" It shrugged. "Well, if you're not going to stop me, I may as well go upstairs and claim my prize."

Ranma pushed himself to his hands and knees. "Stay away from her!"

"Don't interfere with me in the future," advised the demon. "Next time, I won't be so inclined to leave you alive."

"I... said...." Ranma climbed to his feet and raised his fists. "Stay... away... from... her!" He ran toward the demon again, ignoring his fatigue as he thought only of protecting Ukyo. The demon prepared to meet his charge, but Ranma leapt aside at the last second, spinning around the demon in a circle to prevent it from targeting him. Tables flew as he pushed them out of his path, clearing a large space around his opponent.

The demon's eyes narrowed as it watched Ranma circle it. "What are you thinking?" it asked.

Ranma didn't answer as he continued to whirl around his foe, sending the air into a rising spiral as the heat of his battle aura raised its temperature. Normally, the technique would require the demon to follow him, but that didn't seem like the demon's style; rather, it seemed to find a way to counter every attack he could throw at it. But perhaps an indirect attack would work....

In a carefully calculated instant, Ranma cleared his thoughts and let his battle aura become cold. The heart of ice that Cologne had taught him was his weapon, as the cold air of his motion mixed with his own hot air rather than that of his opponent. He had to do this quickly, before the heat could dissipate, and the attack would probably not be as strong as usual, but that was for the best. He didn't want to wreck Ukyo's new restaurant any more than he already had. As long as it was enough to disorient the demon, it would be enough.

He felt the tornado forming, and knew that the time was right. He pulled his fist back and let loose the signature uppercut of the ultimate Amazon technique. "HIRYU SHOTEN HA!" The spiraling air swirled inward, engulfing the demon in its raging vortex. He quickly stepped back out of the range of the attack to watch his victory unfold - but as the air grew opaque around the demon, he saw a twisted, knowing smile cross its face, and the room exploded around him.

*************************************************

Ukyo jumped at the sound from beneath her feet. "Oh my god! Ranma honey!" She started to run for the stairs, but quickly stopped as she remembered why she'd come upstairs in the first place. If the battle was heating up, she couldn't afford to get in the way. Besides, Ranma would be angry if he discovered that she hadn't run away as he'd commanded... but hopefully, once he'd beaten the demon, he'd be so elated that he'd cast that anger aside. Who could tell, with the way he'd been acting lately?

It was deathly quiet downstairs now, which could only mean one thing - the fight was over. The only question now was who had won. Who was waiting for her down in the restaurant? Ranma, or the demon? And would she be able to tell the difference? Twice now, the demon had fooled her into thinking it was Ranma, and she'd been duped easily both times. What would happen if she walked right into its arms without Ranma to protect her? Obviously, the safest thing to do was stay where she was and wait to see what would happen. Maybe the demon would assume that she'd left and go searching for her, not suspecting that she was right above its head the whole time.

The sound of footsteps ascending the staircase quickly dispelled that notion. The demon somehow knew that she was upstairs and was coming for her now that Ranma was lying de- unconscious on the floor below. She had to escape! If only there was another room up here, or someplace she could hide and wait for an opportunity to sneak past it and down the stairs....

Ranma's head poked up over the edge of the staircase. "Ucchan? Are you up here?"

"Ranchan?"

Ranma quickly climbed into the room, breathing heavily from the exertion of the battle. "I did it. I beat the demon!"

"Really? That's incredible!" She ran to give him a grateful hug, but stopped short. "Wait... how do I know you're not the demon pretending to be Ranma again?"

Ranma's face fell. "But I'm not!"

She raised her spatula threateningly. "Stay back! I can't trust anyone who looks like Ranma!"

"I'm not the demon!" repeated Ranma. "I'm really Ranma!"

"Ucchan, watch out!" shouted Ranma's weak voice from the floor below. "The demon's coming after you!"

"Dammit!" spat the Ranma in front of her. "I thought I killed him!"

Ukyo didn't need to hear any more. She immediately turned and leapt through the window, shielding her face with her arms as she crashed through the glass and fell to the street below. She rolled clear of the broken glass and got to her feet, looking back to make sure Ranma wasn't following her. He appeared in the window, leaning over the sill. "Wait! Don't go!"

The restaurant door shuddered and fell off its hinges as the other Ranma stepped out, his clothes torn and covered with blood. "Run, Ukyo! Don't let the demon get you! I'll keep it busy as long as I can! Get to the Tendo Dojo and warn Akane, then get out of town together!"

"But Ranma honey -"

"JUST GO!" he shouted, hobbling toward her. "It's not just going to wait for you to get away!"

"Don't listen to it!" shouted the Ranma from upstairs, leaping down from the window. "Wait... no, it's right! You should be running away!"

Ukyo felt a headache coming on. "Which one is the real Ranma? Or are they both demons?"

The battered Ranma at the front door lurched forward to block the unhurt Ranma's path. "Ukyo, go! Don't worry about me! Save yourself, and Akane!"

"No, he's the one you should be running away from!" shouted the unhurt Ranma. He charged, raising his fists. A solid punch landed on the weakened Ranma's jaw, sending him flying backward right into Ukyo's arms. She caught him and pushed him to his feet.

"Don't worry, Ranma honey," she said, rubbing his back lightly. "I'll fight right here with you!"

"Good," he whispered. "I want you to be with me forever."

"What?" asked Ukyo, stepping away from him. But her fingers were attached to his back, and as she watched, her hands sank into the fabric of his shirt. His back disappeared into a cloud of black mist that swirled around her, rising from the street to engulf her. "Ranma!" she screamed as it covered her head.

"Ukyo!" shouted the real Ranma, making a grab for the demon's back. His hands passed right through the black mist without touching anything.

The demon swirled out of reach, laughing as it turned back into a perfect, unblemished copy of Ranma. "Know this, Ranma Saotome; the only reason I would lose to the likes of you is that I am still getting what I want. I will always win in the end."

"What have you done with Ukyo?" demanded Ranma. "Where is she?"

"She's in a place you cannot reach," replied the demon. "But don't worry. You may see her again, once my task is done."

"What do you mean, 'may' see her again? What are you going to do to her?"

The demon shook its head. "I can't tell you that. But I can assure you that her last thoughts will be of you."

"Bastard!" shouted Ranma. "If you lay so much as a finger on her...!"

"Oh, on the contrary," the demon assured him, "I'm not going to kill her."

Something about the demon's words sickened Ranma. "What do you want from her, then?"

"Nothing that I don't already have," the demon replied with an evil smile. It bowed mockingly, then vanished, leaving no trace of its presence.

"Come back here!" Ranma shouted to the now-empty night sky. "Bring her back!"

There was no answer.

"Dammit!" Ranma fell to his knees and pounded the street with his fist. But even the satisfying crater it left didn't dampen the pain of knowing that he'd failed the girl he'd promised to protect. If only he'd been more careful.... "Ukyo," he whispered, barely holding back the tears that threatened to seep from his eyes. "I'm sorry."

  



	10. 9: Razor, the Amazing Backwards Boy

Ranma ½: A Deadly Choice

Chapter 9: Razor, the Amazing Backwards Boy

A dark shadow moved across the room, waking Akane from an unusually light slumber. She threw off the blanket and leapt out of her bed, swinging a fist at the intruder.

"Ow!" screamed Ranma as he took the blow on the side of his head. "Akane, what's the big idea?"

"What's the big idea of YOU sneaking into my room at night?" she shot back.

"You should talk," said Ranma. "You've been sneaking around with Ryoga all this time, haven't you?"

"No, I haven't! Ryoga left a long time ago!"

Ranma shrugged. "It doesn't look that way to me. As far as I know, you and Ryoga have been making out every night and going out on dates every day. You should think about things from my point of view."

"You're acting weird again, Ranma," Akane said carefully as she backed away from him. "What's wrong with you?"

"You're distancing yourself from me, Akane," said Ranma. "I want to be closer to you."

He stepped forward, and Akane found herself unable to move. The power of his voice seemed to paralyze her legs. "What are you doing to me?" she asked, panic creeping into her voice.

"I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago," replied Ranma. "I'm making the choice a little bit easier."

"What choice?" she asked as he reached for her arm. She quickly pulled it out of reach, but Ranma's hand continued to move forward like a pair of lazy tongs - only instead of a pair of jointed extensions, his arm was a writhing cloud of black mist. The cold fingers clamped around her wrist while the mist ran across the floor and swirled around her legs, wrapping them like a human burrito.

"You're mine now, Akane. You'll always be mine from now on," he whispered softly. "The demon's come for you. Wake up."

"NO!" she screamed, swinging her free arm at his head. Once again, it connected, and she fell off her bed and landed on the floor, her legs tangled in the blanket. She quickly pulled her arm up to her face and bit the hand that was holding her wrist, taking satisfaction at Ranma's scream.

"Ow! Geez, what's the big idea?" asked Ranma as he pulled his arm back, rubbing his hand.

Akane rubbed her eyes and shook her head. It had all been a dream! A weird dream, to say the least, but.... She quickly kicked the blanket away and climbed back onto the bed. "Stay back!" she warned him. "I'll scream and wake everybody up!"

"What's with you tonight? You're acting just like -" Ranma choked back Ukyo's name and voiced the idea that had just formed. "Let me guess. A demon that looked just like me broke in and attacked you, right?" He glanced down at P-chan, who shook his head in denial from Akane's pillow.

Akane, on the other hand, gaped in amazement. "I just dreamed that! But how did you know?"

Ranma took a deep breath. "It may have been just a dream, but the demon is real. I just saw it."

"You saw it?" repeated Akane. "Where?"

"At Ucchan's new restaurant," he replied. "It... it got her."

Akane gasped. "Then it's still in Nerima?"

Ranma nodded. "Yeah, and I think it's going to come after you next."

"After me?" Akane found herself short of breath. She didn't spook easily, but after waking up from that nightmare, the sensation of being caught in that black mist was very real and very terrifying.

Before she could collect her thoughts, Ranma continued. "I don't think it will come back tonight, but if it does, I'll hold it off so you can get away. Don't try to fight it, and don't worry about me. That was Ukyo's mistake."

"What are you going to do?" asked Akane.

"I don't know," replied Ranma. "I tried to fight it, and I lost. I thought I'd beaten it, but it was just playing dead. I'm not going to fall for that one again... but it survived a Hiryu Shoten Ha, and everything else I tried, it just countered. I don't know if there's a way to beat it."

"Then I'm not going to -"

"You'll go!" snapped Ranma. "It's not after me, it's after you. If you try to fight it, you'll just be giving it what it wants. Get the hell out of here and don't tell me where you go, got it?"

Akane gave up trying to argue and simply nodded. When the time came, she'd decide for herself whether Ranma was right about the demon being unbeatable. "What if it doesn't show up tonight?"

"Then we go back to Gosunkugi's tomorrow and tell him what we've learned. If there's a way to beat the demon, he'll know what it is."

"Then at least we have a plan," said Akane, feeling much relieved. "That's the first step."

Ranma's spine stiffened at the sound of those words, but he quickly dismissed the sensation. There was too much weirdness to worry about one idle comment. "You ARE still Akane, aren't you?"

Akane glared at him. "Of course I am! Are you still Ranma?"

He stuck out his tongue. "You tell me, uncute tomboy."

She pounded him on the chin, giving his tongue a set of bite marks to match the ones on his fingers, then stormed over to the closet, grabbed a dress, and stomped out of the room without a word.

"Thtill uncute," Ranma decided. But he'd felt a certain liberation from insulting her - a sense that, for the first time in days, he was doing what he was supposed to be doing. And that, more than any of his other strange actions, worried him greatly.

*************************************************

Hikaru Gosunkugi crept down the staircase as he did every morning, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he went. Morning always came far too soon, mere hours after the sun had begun to rise - and what would be the point of falling asleep before then and wasting the beautiful night hours? The greatest voodoo could only be performed when the sun god was watching the other side of the Earth, and the benevolent moon god was casting his light on Japan. More moonlight meant more power, and more power obviously meant more chance that today would be the day Akane would finally realize her love for him. And so, he'd been up all night, working under the almost full moon to perfect the last details on the Akane doll. Whatever had gone wrong last time wouldn't happen again; he was sure of that.

Today's problem was something totally different. He couldn't find the pin.

He'd combed every inch of his floor with a powerful magnet, pulling out enough flooring tacks that the carpet was beginning to curl in places, but there was no sign of the pin. It hadn't ended up in his clothing, nor was it between the pages of any of the books he'd had open the day before. And there was no chance of finding a replacement on short notice - he'd soaked the original in some of Akane's sweat, but hadn't thought to keep a vial handy in case of such an emergency. Substitutions would not be accepted! The perfect doll required the perfect pin.

He squeezed the doll helplessly. "Dammit, where is that stupid pin?" he growled. "Akane's going to be here any second!"

And at that very moment, with impeccable timing, the doorbell rang.

Gosunkugi sighed his defeat. The plan would have to wait another day. He pulled the mask down from the wall, stuffed the doll into the cavity behind it, and hung it back in its place. "Who's there?" he called out unnecessarily.

"It's Akane Tendo and Ranma Saotome," Akane's sweet voice replied. "We're here to talk to you about that mogui we mentioned yesterday."

Gosunkugi opened the door and waved them inside. "The what now?"

"The demon," replied Akane as she crossed the threshold. "You called it a mogui, didn't you?"

Gosunkugi nodded slowly. "Yes, I did... but you weren't there, if I recall correctly."

Ranma's face screwed up in concentration. "Yeah, that's right... Kuno and I came back later while you were making that date with Ryoga."

"And how did you know about THAT?" Akane asked suspiciously.

"We met you there," Ranma replied smoothly. "Or have you forgotten?"

"I still don't think that was a coincidence," continued Akane, her temper rising.

"Well, you obviously made your date first," countered Ranma.

"But that doesn't give you the right to interrupt it!"

"What gave you the right to make it in the first place?"

"Please, please!" interjected Gosunkugi, stepping between the two before their argument could escalate out of control. "We're here to talk about the demon, remember?"

"Right," Akane quickly agreed, glad for the distraction. "We think we've figured out what the demon's pattern is."

"It has a pattern?" repeated Gosunkugi. "So, it's kidnapped someone else...."

"Ukyo," said Ranma.

"The okonomiyaki girl?" Gosunkugi moaned. "That was one of the few places I could afford to eat!"

"This is more important than okonomiyaki," said Ranma.

"Right, right," said Gosunkugi, clearing his throat. "Seriously, this means we don't have long to act. I suspect this rate of kidnappings will continue... demons are generally pretty punctual."

"So, the next kidnapping will be tonight," Akane expounded. "And if our hunch is right, it's me the demon will be coming for."

Gosunkugi's face went pale. "Y-you? Akane Tendo?" He whirled around and pointed determinedly toward his study. "Then we haven't a moment to lose! Let's figure out a way to stop this demon!"

Ranma hung back to talk to Akane while Gosunkugi went on ahead. "Is it just me, or did he totally change his tune just then?"

"I had a feeling he'd be a bit more motivated if I mentioned that I was the next victim," said Akane.

Ranma stared at her quizzically. "How come?"

"Oh, come on, Ranma! Haven't you ever noticed the way he's always staring at me and taking my picture? The poor boy obviously has a crush on me!"

"Well, yeah, but I never expected you to notice it!"

"The signs are painfully clear," said Akane. "I'm just surprised I never figured it out before."

"You're not the only one who's surprised," Ranma muttered under his breath.

They entered the study to find Gosunkugi knee-deep in a pile of books, flipping through the pages of a particularly thick tome. "There was something in here about dealing with a demon. Some kind of five-step approach...."

"What's with all the books?" asked Ranma. "Wasn't there one that told you all about the mobli?"

"Mogui," Gosunkugi corrected him. "And that book merely had a brief description of the demon. For in-depth analysis and strategies for dealing with particular demons, we need more specific books. Fortunately, I inherited this library from my father, which as it happens, was the reason I got into voodoo in the first -"

"Yeah, great," Ranma cut him off. "So, what's the book say to do?"

"Would you let me finish answering one question before asking another?" snapped Gosunkugi.

"I don't need your life story," said Ranma, dismissing Gosunkugi's tirade. "I just want to know how to beat the demon."

Gosunkugi cleared his throat. "Yes, well, as I was about to say before you interrupted, there's a five-step approach detailed in 'Defeating Demons: The Five-Step Approach'."

"Clever."

"Let me guess," said Akane. "The first step is to identify the demon, right?"

"Right," agreed Gosunkugi. "We've done that. So we move on to the second step."

"Determine the demon's weakness?" Akane guessed.

Ranma sighed. "What's next? Defeat the demon using that weakness, then go out and celebrate until the next demon shows up so you're back to step one?"

"This is a highly researched and tested process," Gosunkugi informed him. "Actually, determining the demon's weakness is the fourth step. Before that, we need to find a way to protect ourselves, and then a way to keep the demon from what it wants."

"Fat chance of that," scoffed Ranma. "It's got all the martial arts skill I have, and then some." It hurt to admit it, but even he couldn't catch and return projectiles as efficiently as the demon could. And that trick with the Moko Takabisha... was there a human alive who could manipulate energy that way?

Gosunkugi broke into his train of thought. "Then you'll just have to find another way to beat it that doesn't involve fighting."

Ranma blinked. "There's another way?"

"He means we have to come up with a plan," Akane informed him.

"Wasn't that what we were doing in the first place?"

Akane rolled her eyes as if Ranma were missing something obvious. "We are coming up with a plan! These steps are just a way of dividing the task into smaller steps that are easier to plan!"

Gosunkugi nodded. "That's very insightful, Akane."

Akane blushed despite herself. "Why, thank you, Hikaru."

Gosunkugi seemed to deflate at the sound of Akane's praise. He sagged onto the pile of books and twitched, gibbering quietly.

"Hikaru!" gasped Akane. "What's wrong?"

Ranma bent down and poked Gosunkugi carefully. "I think you broke him."

"I'm not broken!" asserted Gosunkugi as he straightened up, standing just a bit taller than before. "I was just taking some time to think about the remaining aspects of the plan. Now, what the demon wants is Akane, so steps two and three are one and the same. That's why I've been reading this book, 'The Ways of the Mogui', searching for ways to ward off the demon."

"And what did you find?" asked Ranma.

"Just this." Gosunkugi flipped back a few pages and read the appropriate line. "'Once summoned, the mogui is single-minded and focused entirely on its purpose. Nothing will impede it from reaching its goal.'"

"Why do they even bother to write entire books when there's always one sentence that summarizes everything?" asked Ranma.

Akane ignored him. "So, what you're saying is that there's no way to stop it?"

"That's what the book says," replied Gosunkugi.

"But what happens if the demon's purpose is negated?" asked Akane. "What would it do then?"

"Let me see," said Gosunkugi, flipping through the pages. "I can't say for sure at this point, but since the demon exists solely to complete its purpose, I would guess that without a purpose, the demon would cease to exist."

Ranma glared at Akane. "So how would we do that? Hide you someplace where the demon can't find you?"

"It will find her wherever she goes," said Gosunkugi. "As long as Akane's alive, the demon will hunt her down."

Ranma paled. "You don't mean...."

"What if we figure out who summoned the demon and find out what they want me for?" Akane suggested. "If we can find some other way to give them what they want, then they won't need me anymore, and the demon will disappear!"

Gosunkugi snapped his fingers. "Excellent thinking, Akane!"

"Hey, good point," agreed Ranma. "If that's the case...."

"You have an idea?" asked Gosunkugi.

Ranma smiled slyly. "We don't have to worry about Akane, because no one in their right mind would want to kidnap her!"

Akane brought a fist down on his head. "Of course they want to kidnap me, you jerk! They're kidnapping girls who want to marry you!"

"Then... you...?" Gosunkugi stammered.

Akane instantly blushed. "No, I didn't mean it like that!"

Ranma shrugged. "Well, if you're not interested in me anymore, then you're probably safe."

Akane raised her fist again, threateningly. "Just give me a reason to smack you again!"

"You need a reason?" asked Ranma.

That proved to suffice.

"Ranma does bring up a good point, though," Gosunkugi mentioned. "We're jumping to a conclusion based on two data points. There might be something else that links Kodachi to Ukyo that we haven't considered."

Ranma pictured the two girls in his mind, side by side. "Nope. Just wanting me."

"Well, that girl Shampoo who always breaks into the classroom also seems to like Ranma," Gosunkugi put in. "Has anyone considered that she might be a potential victim?"

"Hey, yeah!" said Ranma. "She hangs on me as much as both of the other two put together!"

Akane hummed thoughtfully to herself.

"What are you thinking about, Akane?" asked Gosunkugi.

"Ukyo and I suspected Shampoo from the beginning," she replied. "And it wouldn't be entirely unlike her to do something to take the rest of us out of the running."

"So it's not just kidnapping Ranma's suitors, but the girls Shampoo considers to be competition," said Gosunkugi.

"Assuming Akane's right about Shampoo being responsible for it," added Ranma.

"You'd believe her over me?" asked Akane.

"We haven't ASKED her yet," Ranma pointed out. "I don't want to go accusing someone until we have the full story."

"You don't honestly think Shampoo would tell us if she'd summoned a demon, do you?"

Ranma shrugged. "No way to know unless we ask."

Akane threw up her hands in defeat. "Fine! Let's go ask her then! We'll just tell her we know what's going on and give away our element of surprise!"

"We don't HAVE an element of surprise," Ranma corrected her. "By now, if she's controlling the demon, she knows that we know. If anything, she's expecting us."

"And you're going to go?"

Ranma adjusted his collar. "I hate to disappoint."

"You must hate it pretty often," Akane retorted.

Ranma nodded his satisfaction. "Glad to hear you agree. So, let's go already!" He grabbed Akane's shirt sleeve and dragged her out of the room.

"Hikaru, call me if you find out anything else!" Akane shouted back over her shoulder.

Gosunkugi could hardly breathe. "C-c-c-call? Did Akane just ask me to call her? At her house? On her phone? For a date?" He didn't even notice how nervous he was until he heard the crunch of the hardcover book crumpling in his hands. "Oh, drat. I don't think that's got a warranty."

*************************************************

It didn't take Ranma and Akane long to reach their destination, because she met them halfway, sitting patiently on a chain-link fence beside the road. "Nihao, Ranma! Nihao, Ranma shadow!"

Akane snarled. "Shampoo... just the person we wanted to see!"

"You looking Shampoo? Great-grandmother be happy. She thought you going to visit her instead." She gasped, covering her mouth delicately as if to hold the errant words in.

"Aha!" shouted Ranma. "So it IS -"

"Can it, Shampoo," snapped Akane, cutting him off before he could finish his declaration. "We're not falling for your stupid trick."

Shampoo spread her arms innocently. "What trick?"

Akane's eyes narrowed. "You know exactly what's going on, and you WANT us to go talk to your great-grandmother."

"She does?" asked Ranma.

"I do?" asked Shampoo.

Akane groaned. "Of COURSE you do. It's written all over your face!"

"Ack!" Shampoo gasped, rubbing her cheeks with her hands. "Shampoo wash! Shampoo wash!"

"Pffft," Akane snorted. "How could someone that stupid expect to fool us?"

Shampoo hopped off the fence and brandished her bonbori. "You want come here say that?"

Ranma stepped in front of Akane before the girls could start a fight. "Shampoo, we're not here to fight. We just need some answers."

Shampoo smiled brightly. "Okay! Shampoo answer only for Ranma!"

Ranma noticed Akane's fists clenching and decided to put his diplomacy skills to the test. "What do you know about the demon that looks like me?"

The question seemed to confuse Shampoo. "Demon not look like Ranma!"

"Then you DO know about a demon!" cried Akane.

Shampoo crossed her arms and refused to speak.

Ranma sighed. "Shampoo, the demon already kidnapped Ukyo and Kodachi. We have to find it and get them back."

Shampoo's eyes widened in surprise. "That no is possible! Demon only supposed to kidnap airen!"

It was Ranma's turn to be shocked. "Kidnap me? What are you talking about?"

This time, Shampoo's startled gasp was legitimate, as she realized her unintentional slip.

"There's something you're not telling me, Shampoo, and I want to know what it is!" shouted Ranma. "What are you doing to me, and where are the other girls?"

"Shampoo not know! No more questions!" With that, Shampoo leapt onto the fence and then to the top of the nearest building.

"Hey! I'm not done with you yet!" shouted Ranma as he chased after her.

"Wait! Ranma!" Akane called after him, but he was too fixated on his quarry to hear her. "Man!" she groaned. "There's no way I can keep up with them on the rooftops!" She considered her situation carefully and quickly realized that there were only two places they could be going, and that one of them was far more likely than the other. She decided on the fastest route and set off toward the probable rendezvous.

*************************************************

Ranma lost sight of Shampoo for a split second when she jumped back down to the ground between a pair of buildings, but it would take more than that to throw him off the trail. He followed her in short order, curling into a ball as he landed to slip under the knife that flew at his head from behind. He stood up facing the other direction and addressed his hidden assailant. "What the heck did you do that for, Mou-?" He quickly broke off as he realized that the man he was speaking to wasn't Mousse. He wore a robe in the same style, suggesting that he, too, was a master of the Art of Hidden Weapons, but for some reason, he had it on backwards. His hair was bright orange and stood in a bun atop his head, secured by a knife in whose handle was set a large ruby with more facets than Ranma could count. As Ranma stared into his eyes, trying to size his new opponent up quickly, he noticed an even stranger characteristic of the man - his eyes were discolored, each one an ink black pool surrounding the green iris, with a tiny white pupil in the center. But the greatest oddity wouldn't be revealed until he answered Ranma's automatic question. "Who the heck are you?"

The man inhaled deeply with an air of impatience. "Myself again introducing must I? Of knives master, Razor being I!"

It took Ranma a few seconds to parse the pair of sentences. "Are you... talking backwards?"

Razor shook his head vigorously. "Of course. You how much being stupid?"

"Was that an insult from the amazing backwards boy?" taunted Ranma.

Razor's face paled as he gritted his teeth angrily. "Your tongue minding should you." His fingers twitched, and in an instant, he was holding a pair of throwing knives by their blades.

Ranma smirked. "Better watch it. You don't want to throw those the wrong way."

"Of you, concern not being my knives to where throwing I!" Razor shouted, swinging his arm and throwing both knives at once.

Ranma barely had to twist aside to let both of them pass to opposite sides of his body. "You throw about as well as you talk, 'of knives master'," he taunted.

Razor frowned. "For my speech complimenting, you thanking I."

Before Ranma could even begin to wonder what part of his insult Razor was taking as a compliment, he felt the tiny wires rub against his shoulders and quickly raised his arms, but it was too late. The momentum of the knives whirling around him at lightning speed pulled the wires through a double spiral, wrapping him up from neck to waist and pinning his arms to his sides. As the knives finished their final circuit, Razor hurled a third blade at Ranma's midsection, binding his legs with another wire.

Even with his natural sense of balance, it took everything Ranma had to stay on his feet as he strained against his bonds. The razor-thin wires quickly tore through his shirt and skin, drawing bleeding lines around his arms and torso, but didn't break despite the incredible force he was applying.

Razor clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "Too late being it but, you to not fighting warning would have I. Through your blood now flowing my wires coating poison."

Ranma didn't even need to understand that sentence to realize that he was in a very bad position. "Poison?"

"Not worrying should you," Razor said with a reassuring nod. "To sleep putting you, your energy draining poison only being it."

"That's still cheap!" Ranma protested, continuing to push against the wires with all his fading might. "Can't you fight fair?"

"Can," replied Razor. "But that today not being intention."

"That sounded almost forwards," Ranma noted idly, as he felt the poison begin to take effect. His muscles relaxed, and he fell forward, landing flat on his face in front of Razor. "Man, this stuff ish quack."

"Indeed," agreed Razor. He quickly slipped the flat of a knife blade into the back of Ranma's collar and flipped the helpless boy onto his shoulder.

"Wht yu plning do?" asked Ranma, barely able to move his lips anymore.

"You to Cologne taking will I," replied Razor. "With you speaking wanting she."

"Hold it right there!" shouted Akane's voice from the mouth of the alley. "Put him down or there's going to be trouble!"

Razor inhaled sharply. "If from here now not leaving you, indeed being will trouble."

Akane quickly shook her head. "With your backwards talking, me confusing not can you!"

Razor blinked in confusion. "WHAT?"

"Kane, stbk," Ranma did his best to shout. "Pzn... wire...."

"What was that?" asked Akane. "Poison something?"

"Ha!" Razor laughed. "On stupid girl precious poison wire wasting as if would I!"

"Poison wire, eh? So, that's what Ranma was trying to warn me about!" She took a battle stance. "If you want to take Ranma anywhere, you'll have to beat me first!"

"Easy!" returned Razor. He reached into his sleeve and threw a knife at Akane, handle-first, in a single quick motion. Akane caught the knife by the handle and swung her arm, sending the knife right back at Razor. However, her aim was wide, and the blade flew right past his shoulder, just scraping Ranma's back. "Ha! Me missing did you!"

Akane charged forward to attack at close range, but while Razor drew a pair of knives to defend himself with, Akane slid between his legs and rolled to her feet just behind him. Razor spun around to face her, but Akane quickly whipped the length of wire she'd grabbed at him, slashing a cut across his upper arm. Ranma tumbled to the ground, the rest of the wires that bound him falling off on the way down.

Razor shrieked and quickly reached into his sleeve, withdrawing a small vial of green liquid. He pried the cork out with the blade of a knife, but before he could drink it, Akane snatched it from his hand and poured its contents into Ranma's mouth. "Drink this, Ranma! It's the antidote to the poison!"

Ranma weakly swallowed the antidote. "Oh, yeah. That feels pretty good."

Akane turned around and glared at Razor, who was already on his knees. "I hope you've got an extra dose in that robe. Looks like I used it all up on Ranma."

Razor reached up his sleeve and fished another vial out, but his hands were shaking too much to open it. He set the vial on the ground before it could fall and break, then collapsed beside it. "Help...." he whispered.

"First, tell me what you wanted with Ranma," Akane ordered him.

Before Razor could refuse to respond, Shampoo leapt from the roof above, kicking Akane's unguarded chest. Akane stumbled, giving the Amazon girl a chance to scoop up the vial, pry out the cork, and lower it to Razor's lips. "Spit, Razor! Spit out!"

Razor obligingly swallowed the liquid in one gulp. "You thanking I, Shampoo."

Satisfied that Razor was in no danger from the poison, Shampoo stood up and whirled to face Akane, her hands clenched into barely restrained fists. "What you doing here? You mess up plan again!"

Akane got to her feet as well. "Of course I'm going to interfere with any plan that involves Ranma!"

"Except arranged marriages," Ranma mumbled.

"Is no problem," said Shampoo. "We just take you with Ranma again like last time."

"That doing I than easier being that saying you," moaned Razor.

"Okay, I have to know," said Akane. "WHY does he talk like that?"

Shampoo fretted. "Is ancient Amazon curse. He broke tribe law, so they force him to eat magic mushroom what make him do everything backwards. Now he have magic knife what break curse, but it broken. It only break curse on knife, not on person. So things with knife, he do forward, but everything else backward."

Akane nodded wistfully. "That makes sense. So he MEANT to throw that knife at me backwards."

Shampoo nodded in agreement. "We no is here to kill you. That have no honor no more."

Akane kept nodding, but her eyes darted down to the ruby-handled knife protruding from Razor's hair. That had to be the curse-breaking knife that allowed him to wield knives properly, if what Shampoo said was true. So if he didn't have it.... "Then what DO you plan to do with me and Ranma?" she asked.

"With you, nothing. You just witness. But Ranma - AIYA!" screamed Shampoo, diving in front of Akane as Akane dove for Razor's head. She brought her knee down on Akane's forearm, halting her hand inches from the handle of the knife. "You no can touch that! It kill you!"

Akane quickly jerked her hand back. "What? Are you serious?"

Shampoo nodded solemnly. "Is swear. Knife break curse of one what touches it, but if you no have curse, curse of LIFE be extinguish."

"That's completely ridiculous," scoffed Akane.

"If you no believe, then touch," offered Shampoo. "But when you dead, no say Shampoo not warn you."

"Fine!" said Akane. She backed away from the Amazon pair and pulled Ranma up into a sitting position. "Ranma, wake up! You've got to grab Razor's knife! Without it, he can't fight!"

Shampoo quickly grabbed Razor and started to shake him. "Fall asleep, stupid! You want let Ranma beat you?"

"Hey, I'M the one who poisoned him!" Akane shouted.

"You fight all Ranma battles for him?"

"Do you make Razor fight all of yours for you?" Akane retorted.

Shampoo abruptly let go of Razor and stood up. "That one challenge! Shampoo no care honor no more! I kill you!"

"So, it's true," Akane said with just a touch of disdain. "You use violence to solve all of your problems."

Shampoo sneered angrily and stamped a foot in disgust. "You do too," she said sourly.

"I do not!" shouted Akane. She smacked Ranma's face several times. "Wake up already!"

"Cut it out, Gorilla Girl," mumbled Ranma.

Akane barely managed to restrain herself from knocking him back into unconsciousness.

"You like rude Ranma?" Shampoo asked casually. "You let us take him, we make him no more rude."

"Make him...?" Akane gasped. "So you ARE the one who's been messing with Ranma's mind!"

"You no like? Maybe is because Ranma not want too, too violent girl anymore."

"What are you talking about?" Akane asked, more flustered than before. "What exactly are you doing to Ranma, and what does it have to do with me?"

Shampoo smiled slyly. "You find out. Then we have to erase your memory again."

"That's what you think," groaned Ranma. He sat up at last. "Nobody's erasing my memory!"

"We see about that!" returned Shampoo. She pulled Razor to his feet and pushed him forward. "Use poison again! Make them both sleep!"

Razor nodded. "Dangerous too much being it. Antidote no more having I." A pair of knives appeared in his hands as if by magic. "Instead, fighting must we."

"Not a good idea," said Ranma as he stood up. "I've got this thing about dirty tricks... when people use them on me, I get really pissed off. And you don't want to fight me when I'm pissed off."

"Of wanting matter not being this," replied Razor. "Orders being this."

"What are your orders?" asked Akane. "Just to bring us to Cologne?"

Razor shook his head. "Indeed."

Akane shrugged. "Well, in that case -" She winced and rubbed her temple. "Ow!"

"What's wrong?" asked Ranma.

"I don't know. It feels like a headache I didn't know was gone has just come back."

Ranma quickly gave up trying to understand what she was talking about. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"I think so," replied Akane. "It didn't hurt. It was just a shock."

"So, what were you about to say?"

She shook her head. "I can't remember. I feel really weird."

Shampoo fumed. "Forget what stupid girl want say! We supposed to fight now!"

The tension loomed like a physical presence as Shampoo and Razor readied their weapons, while Akane prepared to meet their charge head-on. Everyone waited for Ranma to take his stance, as once all four of them were ready, the great battle would begin.

Ranma held up a hand. "No, Shampoo. I think I know what Akane was going to say. We don't have to fight."

The bonbori lowered. "We don't?"

"Cologne obviously wants something from us, and we've got a few questions for her as well. So why don't we all just go together? No fighting, no sleep poison, no tricks."

Shampoo blinked in surprise. "Go together? No fighting?"

Razor gave it a bit of thought and stowed his knives. "Good to me sounding that idea."

Shampoo turned to stare at him, then at Ranma, and finally at Akane, who seemed confused but willing to go along with Ranma's idea. "We no fight?"

"A little slow on the uptake today?" teased Ranma. "We're all going to the same place, so why make a big deal out of it?"

Shampoo seemed to be on the verge of arguing, but realization dawned almost immediately. "Oh, right! We no fight!" She clapped and leapt forward to wrap her arm around Ranma's elbow. "We go together now, yes?"

Akane snapped out of her dazed trance and quickly claimed Ranma's other arm. "We're ALL going."

Shampoo sighed. "Yes, you come too. Razor, stay behind."

Razor dutifully turned around and led the way out of the alley.

"He doesn't walk backwards," Ranma noted.

"He not have eyes in back of head," replied Shampoo.

Akane, meanwhile, had other things to worry about. "What was that feeling just now?" she wondered. "And why do I suddenly feel so... stupid?" She felt sick to her stomach at the thought... or had Razor's poison affected her as well? But she didn't feel sleepy... which meant that there was something else wrong with her. She wouldn't jeopardize the situation by mentioning it, but once they'd figured out what Cologne and her employees were up to, she'd get to the bottom of whatever it was. There was too much going on in her life lately to allow any more strangeness to creep in.

*************************************************

"I give up," announced Gosunkugi as he took the mask down from the wall. "That pin's just gone." He pulled the doll out of its hiding place and stared dumbly at it. There, sticking out of the doll's forehead, was the white-headed pin. He blinked at it as if that would make the offending object disappear. "Well, that explains why Akane suddenly became so intelligent. I guess the pin got lodged in the mask last time I hid the doll in it." He sighed in relief and pulled the pin out. "Well, no harm done, I suppose. I don't think she suspected anything."

A hand plucked the doll from his fingers. "So, you play with dolls?" asked a deep voice.

Gosunkugi shrieked and pressed his back to the wall, trying to shrink away from the menacing figure.

His assailant looked down at the doll, then held it up to Gosunkugi's face. "Tell me where she is."

"Why do you want to know -?"

"Just tell me!" Thick fingers gouged into the doll's stomach.

"Don't do that!" shouted Gosunkugi. "You'll hurt her!"

"It's just a doll!" snapped the other. "If it means that much to you, tell me where she is!"

"She's at the Cat Café!" Gosunkugi shouted, grabbing the doll back from its captor before it could be permanently damaged. "But it won't do you any good to know," he continued confidently.

"We'll see about that." The figure swept out of the house, slamming the door behind itself.


End file.
